Winston Churchill once said: "Criticism will never be welcome, but it is necessary." It is true, but it is also true that many of us find it difficult to accept the criticisms, especially when they are negative. There is always the first reaction in which many emotions are mixed: feelings, ideas, anger, confusion, sadness, and one feels misunderstood ...
After the first reaction, which could also be said to be quite instinctive and visceral, we can adopt two radically different attitudes: letting ourselves be discouraged by criticisms or taking them assertively. There are people who have learned to deal with criticism assertively throughout their lives, they do it naturally. Others have not learned how to do this and are often depressed and filled with anger. But it's never too late to change.
In reality, no criticism has the power to offend us, it is we who grant it that power. For example, a negative criticism from someone close to us or someone we respect will hurt us more than the opinion of someone totally unrelated to us. A criticism in the area in which we consider ourselves competent will do us even more harm than that which is made about things we do not know.
This means that, ultimately, we are the ones who have the power to control the influence that a criticism has on our mood and the actions we will take. For example, let's imagine that criticism is like an arrow coming in our direction. If we observe it through binoculars it will surely increase in size so much that we are frightened to the point of thinking we have no way out. If, on the other hand, we use the binoculars in reverse, the arrow will appear greatly reduced so as not to even take it into consideration.
Both the first attitude and the second are wrong. The arrow, which in this case is criticism, must not be discarded a priori but we must not be intimidated by it either, we should learn to see it in perspective, reflect on it and then change our behavior accordingly.
At this point you may be thinking that it is easier said than done. So I leave you some practical tips that will help you put it into practice:
1. Keep an open and assertive attitude. Once you get over the first reaction, remember that a criticism is simply a report of something you have done, it does not define your person and does not represent a demerit. Do not take a defensive attitude, but be open to dialogue.
2. Seek the truth in criticism. Try to put yourself in the place of the person who criticizes you to understand their intentions. Did he just want to annoy you or was he trying to help you by caring about you? At this point it is necessary to be careful, because sometimes the criticism is made in such a negative tone that the first thought that comes to our mind is that they want to destroy us as a person, but it is important to learn to go beyond the tone used by concentrating on the facts. How much truth is there in the criticism they have just given us?
3. Determine if the criticism is relevant and act accordingly. Once we have established how much truth there is in criticism, we evaluate the changes that should be made in our behavior and goals. If the criticism and the behavioral changes that accepting it would entail can help us grow as a person and professionally, then it will be welcome! If, on the other hand, it is established that criticism does not contain anything positive, then it is better to forget it and not ruin our day or let it compromise our confidence in ourselves.
