There is a time to speak and another to remain silent, a time to justify oneself and another to reflect, a time to claim our rights firmly and another to wait patiently. Talking continuously isn't always better. Sometimes, in order to be heard, we must learn to remain silent, know how to manage silence, aware of the fact that communicating consists in transmitting a message, and sometimes, saying nothing can express more than a thousand words.
The active role of silence in communication
Georges Clemenceau said that "managing silence is more difficult than managing words". Silence is a powerful communication tool that can play a more active role than words, provided it is used wisely and at the right time.
When you learn to manage silence:
- You communicate better. We often talk too much. We all, at times, tend to monopolize the conversation by using too many useless and sometimes even counterproductive words, especially when we want to convince someone. And while it may seem paradoxical, staying silent will make your message louder and clearer.
- You really listen. In our society, silence can be embarrassing, especially in some contexts, so we want to avoid it at all costs. So, instead of listening to what our interlocutor says, a large part of our brain is already thinking about the answer we will give later. Instead, silence will allow you to focus on what the other person is saying, as well as pay attention to their non-verbal communication, and this will allow you to get more information and better understand what is going on.
- Reach your goal faster. The ultimate goal of communication should be to share information and make a decision, not to win. In this case, silence is not only helpful in minimizing the noise generated by empty words, but it can also speed up the resolution of the conflict.
- You show more empathy and respect. Once you have your arguments, the smartest thing to do is to shut up and let the other person give their opinion. Keeping quiet is a sign of respect and a demonstration of empathy.
- Stimulate reflection. There is no need to respond immediately. It is better to be silent to think about your answer. In fact, a Hindu proverb says: "when you speak, make your words better than silence". Silence also serves to tell the other person that you have nothing else to say, making them think about your arguments, while continuing to argue would only lead to a dead end.
In what situations is it convenient to use silence?
Miles Davis said that "silence is the loudest noise, perhaps the loudest of all noises". Therefore, in certain situations, the best thing to do is not to keep talking, but to keep quiet and let the silence achieve its purpose.
- When you have no interesting topics to add, silence will allow the other person to reflect on what you have already said. Sometimes the addition of other words only serves to create chaos and confusion in the message you want to convey.
- When the other person takes the conversation as a battle and thinks in terms of winning and losing, so he hides behind his arguments.
- When the other person does not show a receptive attitude to your words, but closes their mind because they really don't care what you feel or think. In that case, even the wisest words fall on deaf ears.
- When you want to convey a strong message, in which case it is better to be short and concise, avoiding digressions. In these cases, people tend to interpret silence as a sign of trust and security.
- When you want the other person to express what they feel or think, so your silence is an invitation to speak, it indicates that you are listening to them.
- When the discussion gets out of control, deviating from the central topic. In this case, silence can serve to redirect the conversation or end it, if there is no point in continuing at that moment.
Of course, there are cases where silence is not good, for example, when used as a weapon of contempt to hurt others. In this case, silence contributes nothing to the relationship and the other remains without knowing what you think or want and a hostile environment is created. In fact, this kind of silence can also be interpreted as an aggressive or humiliating attitude and will not help resolve the dispute.
However, remember that everyone speaks and criticizes, few listen and understand. Don't make the mistake of confusing verbiage with useful information, easy speech with intelligence, and quantity of arguments with being right. A beautiful Buddhist proverb says: “When you throw thorns at me these, falling into my silence, become flowers”.
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