Being touchy can be a big obstacle in your personal growth journey. Thanks to the MILK method you can learn to accept criticism effectively.
"My grandfather was so touchy that on the grave he had to write:« f ** or look ?! »"
Woody Allen.
I admit it: I've been a long time touchy DOC A perma… what ?! Leafing through the dictionary of the Spanish language, on the page corresponding to the term touchy, you will find the following definition: "Said by a person who is easy to take offense, who, out of excessive self-love, resents and disrespects acts and words that others would not consider offensive ". Here, let's say that, in comparison, Allen's grandfather gave me a blowjob! If someone criticized me, perhaps with a sneer, I first answered piqued and then I studied how to take revenge and make the badly happen terrible suffering :-D
I know, I know, you're laughing at it, but, deep down, yours is an approving smile. Don't lie to me! How many times have you wanted to throttle the bitch on duty, or maybe shut him up with a pun ?! The truth is, failing to accept the criticisms of others it represents a real obstacle in our path of personal growth. But where does our being touchy come from and how can we avoid poisoning our life for every little observation?
How touchy are you?
"A sincere criticism is difficult to accept, especially from a relative, a friend or a perfect stranger."
Franklin Jones.
Touchiness is a much more widespread "virus" than it may seem. Trust me, even those who tell you never to be mad are actually seething whenever they are embarrassed or criticized in front of others. But not all touchy people are identical to each other, even if, as we will see, there is only one underlying reason behind this character defect. There are 3 types of touchy:
- Il perfect. Here I am! I was (and at times, am) without a doubt the touchy perfettino: the one who must always be infallible, who can never be wrong, and who interprets any observation as a personal affront. In these cases we must learn to accept that mistakes are part of life and that not necessarily "all is lost". But we will talk about how to deal with GetPersonalGrowth criticisms later ...
- La nullity. For this type of touchy, any criticism is a confirmation of his feeling of a nullity, a person of little value, someone who does not matter. This attitude probably has deep roots and stems from childhood episodes in which little attention was received.
- Il spoiled. The last type of touchy is my favorite: ladies and gentlemen, here is the "mom and dad's coconut"! Carried on a gold pedestal up to the age of 30 (usually also a big baby), the subject suddenly discovers that there is a world out there that does not necessarily have to worship and venerate him. Awakening is often traumatic and criticism becomes unbearable.
'Nzomma… how touchy are you ?! Don't pretend that I caught you! Yet, whatever touchy you are, there is only one element at the base of it all: the low self-esteem.
We are so sensitive to criticism because deep down we fear that others have discovered that we are a bluff, that what we have always thought (badly) of us is now visible to everyone. This is intolerable for us, which is why we react with the classic attitude of the touchy.
Strengthening our self-esteem is an essential ingredient in achieving our goals. But in this article I am not interested in addressing the causes of touchiness, I want to provide you with a practical tool to manage criticism. If you want to learn more about self-esteem, I suggest you read the post: "5 practical actions to develop the self-esteem of a superhero"Or directly my guide"APP - Self-esteem step by step"In which I propose a gradual path to go back to believing in yourself.
The MILK method: a practical tool to manage criticism
The MILK method was created in the 90s by Starbucks, the very famous American chain of coffee shops. In recent years, faced with the strong growth of the company, the management realized that many employees were unable to manage the pressure deriving from the criticisms of unhappy customers, perhaps exploding into hysterical tears or going into a rage.
To respond to this critical issue, the Starbucks training managers devised a simple and easy to memorize methodology. Thus was born the acronym LATTE:
- strip (Listen). The worst mistake that can be made in the face of criticism is not to listen and entrench oneself on one's own positions. If you are touchy it is difficult even to accept that a criticism can be made against you, but try to listen to what your interlocutor has to say: maybe you find something useful for your personal growth ;-)
- acknowledge (Admit). The world falls apart, but a touchy one will never admit that there is a problem. Password: deny until death! In reality, even if you disagree with the criticism that is made of you, the simple fact that someone has a different view from yours, represents an opportunity for a constructive confrontation. Don't deny the problem: face it.
- Take action (Act). In this election period, we have shown our deep love for controversy (not to be confused with politics). Newspapers, social networks and blogs were literally infested with political trolls. Expressing one's position in the face of criticism is a sacrosanct right, but what really matters are our actions and our decisions.
- Thank (Say thank you). Attention to customer service is an entirely American prerogative, but the truth is that we should really thank those who criticize us. I'm not kidding. If the criticism is well founded, it is helping us to improve. If the criticism is unfounded, it is giving us the opportunity to once again assert our position. Thank those who criticize you.
- explain (Explains). Explaining our position, why we disagree with criticism or (even worse) make excuses, is often the first action we take when faced with criticism. Not that it's wrong to defend one's position (if it's defensible), but it should only be the last of our actions.
Cute, right? Now I'll tell you how I applied it recently: maybe right with you ...
A practical example of application of the MILK method
Personally I have applied the MILK method very often, both in the office and up here GetPersonalGrowth. One of the most striking examples came a few months ago, with the presentation of the new guide Study Less, Study Better.
Faced with the many positive comments, I also had to face the discontent of those readers who did not feel like buying the new guide because of the price. In these cases, the temptation of many bloggers (and in general of those who manage online businesses) is to eliminate the negative comments and emphasize only the positive ones. Nothing could be more wrong to undermine the trust of those who follow you. Personally, as an ex-touchy perfect DOC as I was, I took the ball and chose to follow the dictates of the MILK method.
- Ho heard all comments, posting both positive and negative ones, even if (the latter) came from people who hadn't actually bought the guide.
- Ho ammesso that the price of study less, study better was high.
- Ho agitation, deciding not to change this price and taking responsibility for the success or failure of the launch.
- Ho thanked both readers who had left positive comments and disappointed ones.
- Ho explained to the latter the reason for my choice.
If you are curious to see how I tried to apply the MILK method, you can find all the comments in this article. Ah, since we're at it, if you are one of the nearly 1.000 readers who have purchased Sm2, this could be a great opportunity to add your comment as well. Please ... do good: I told you, I'm touchy !!!
And if you are also a touchy DOC, let me know if you liked this article by clicking one of those buttons on the side or leaving me a comment below. I recommend no criticism, otherwise I will throw the MILK carton behind you! :-D
