As emotional beings, much of our present and future is and will be conditioned by the ability to manage our emotions and control our impulses.
Last update: June 06, 2021
We could define an impulse as the intense force that directs our behaviors, conquers our capacity for reasoning and, at times, forces us to act as we never thought. Controlling your impulses is a daunting task that requires incredible self-control and constant training.
This is the only way to acquire the ability to channel their energy and exploit it at will. Let's find out in this article how to control impulses and emotions.
We remember that we are emotional beings and that much of our present and future is and will be conditioned by ability to manage our emotions and control our impulses. Each emotion, with its own positive or negative function, serves to move us, to make us make a decision.
Sadness protects us and helps us to process a loss, fear pushes us to escape and evade a danger that puts our life or our integrity at risk, anger leads us to self-defense, etc.
Even if they are our allies in most cases, emotions can become problematic when they lose their functionality, the instant they become a hindrance to us or to those around us. It is in these cases that good emotional management can make a difference.
Many people struggle with overflowing emotions. It is as if they have set the volume of their emotions to maximum and are unable to unplug.
Why can't I control my impulses?
People with poor emotional management see the ability to control their impulses as an uphill struggle. It is particularly in borderline personality disorder that it is hard to ignore the rush of one's impulses. There are no middle terms: one day you love and the next you hate, one day you are enthusiastic about a job and the next you are fed up.
Even highly sensitive people tend to have poor impulse control and not to tolerate the slightest discomfort as it is too painful. They constantly tell themselves that they shouldn't feel bad, that they shouldn't feel negative emotions by totally denying what they feel. In the long run, such conduct fuels the emotions that the person tries to fight.
Genetics, while playing an important role, is not the only one responsible for this way of being and behaving. Although in part our personality is defined at the very moment in which we are born, experiences and the context in which we live also greatly influence, especially in childhood.
Trauma, abandonment, the neglect of a parent, humiliation or an oppressive environment where one could not give free rein to emotions or affects, are all factors responsible for reduced tolerance to malaise, poor emotional regulation and interpersonal ineptitude.
How to learn to regulate impulses?
Current psychology has developed a multitude of techniques and strategies to strengthen our ability to control impulses. In the words of Marsha Linehan, to have a life worth living.
The first thing to know about respect is that these techniques make sense only and only when you recognize that you have a problem with controlling feelings. As long as you do not consciously decide to undertake a decisive path, any psychological measures taken will be useless. The first step is to recognize who we are, how we behave and what our goal is.
Having overcome this fundamental point, you are ready to benefit from the psychological techniques that we are about to list. To see the results you will need to have patience, fortitude and hope. This is a slow but productive process if you want to.
Tolerance to malaise
Easier said that done! you will be thinking. And it's true, but not to the point where we can't try. Tolerance to malaise consists in learning and internalize once and for all that pain is inevitable and unpredictable. Both the emotional and the physical.
You can't know when a bee will sting you, but if it does, you'll have to tolerate the pain until you apply the right ointment. To be able to overcome that phase, you need to implement, in order, these three strategies: distract yourself, relax and face.
Once this is done, it will be much easier to radically accept the emotions and bitterness of life, in order not to be disheartened by problems.
Distraction to control impulses
Emotions are intense, but they don't last long, for this it becomes essential to be distracted until they go down. The best way to get distracted? Being with others: calling a friend, chatting about an irrelevant topic, asking him how he is.
To distract ourselves, we can also indulge in our favorite activities, such as taking care of the garden, going out for a run, going to the beach or taking a hot bath.
Distraction serves to keep us from making impulsive decisions or choices which we could then regret. With some time, the power of our emotions will decrease and we will return to see the situation with more clarity.
Relaxation to control impulses
To relax it is essential to educate the five senses to strive to pay attention to the present. Relax with your sense of smell, sight, hearing, taste and touch, in the way you know how to work with you.
Leave your phone at home, sit on a park bench and listen to what is happening around you. What do you see? Children? What color are their eyes? Can you smell a perfume? Flowers? Do you hear the laughter of the children playing?
Face up to
This is the most difficult step because it involves finding a solution to your problem. To do this, you need to take a pen and paper and focus on the problem itself, not the emotion. Don't grieve by repeating to yourself that you are sick, that your emotions are suffocating you is a fact. Leave them aside and think of a solution.
Answer these questions: what is the problem? Does it have to do with work, partner, friends? What do I want to achieve? Which path can I take? If I make this choice, will anyone be hurt? What is the healthier alternative?
After answering these questions, you will finally be able to make a coherent decision about the problem and the plan to follow.
Conclusions
Why not try to implement these strategies right away? If you feel that the tsunami of your emotions is coming, say STOP and put our advice into practice.
With constancy and effort, you will slowly come out of the trap that imprisons you. Trust yourself and you will not go wrong!
