5 minutes The way we talk to ourselves defines us. If we do this with contempt, questioning our potential and thinking we are worth less than others, we will become our own worst enemy. Ultimately, well-being is also about turning to yourself with love and respect.
Written and verified by the psychologist Valeria sabater.
Last update: 15 November 2021
Inner dialogue changes our brain. The daily talk we make to ourselves can strengthen many areas of the brain to help us better manage stress, regulate mood, or even help us make decisions. On the contrary, a negative dialogue wears us out and weakens us, sometimes having very harmful effects.
Surely many of you will have experienced a curious fact sooner or later. It is common, for example, to be tireless friends for others, always there when needed. We get out of bed in the morning with the intention of being people who inspire courage, who know how to offer the right advice in times of need; we are somehow an indisputable support for others and through the right words we know how to convey courage, enthusiasm and positivity.
On the contrary, we are often our own worst enemy. Our inner dialogue does nothing but repeat to us: “How could you have said this nonsense? You don't know what you're talking about ”,“ Don't you dare even try, you won't succeed and you know it ”,“ Look what you've done, you're always wrong, make one mistake after another ”.
If we think about it well, we are what we say to ourselves. So if we do nothing but repeat negative things to ourselves we will end up making them happen and transforming ourselves into what we never want to be. It is not easy to change the dynamics of inner speech, especially when it is repeated over time. However, you need to do this for a rather obvious reason: negative internal dialogue changes the brain and makes us more vulnerable to anxiety disorders and to suffer from depression.
"Our emotions depend mainly on the way we think."
-Albert Ellis-
Inner dialogue changes our brain, what we say to ourselves defines us
The impact of internal dialogue on our behavior and on our personality is a topic that has always interested psychologists. In recent years, many books on self-help and personal development have been written and published that encourage us to take care of this dimension of our life. However, it is interesting to know that the first studies on inner discourse date back to no less than the beginning of the twentieth century.
It was Lev Vygotsky, the famous Russian psychologist, who first wondered if the brain uses the same mechanisms when a person speaks loudly as when he speaks to himself in silence. The answer to this question couldn't be more curious.
Various studies have shown us that when we carry out these internal conversations, areas of the brain such as the foot of the third frontal convolution, called Broca's area or area of ​​articulated language, are activated, as well as when we communicate aloud.
Inner speech is, therefore, a complex and nuanced phenomenon, so much so that we should be more aware of how it affects our brain and our psychological health. For example, psychologist Charles Fernyhough of the University of Durham, UK, explains in his book Internal Voices that the internal dialogue generates about 4.000 words per minute. In other words, it works 10 times faster than verbal speech.
Therefore, everything that happens in our mind, every idea, thought, self-instruction and affirmation, has a huge impact on us; both positively and negatively.
Negative inner speech, emotions and brain
John H. Krystal, editor of the scientific journal Biological Psychiatry and professor at Yale University School of Medicine, conducted a study to demonstrate the impact of emotions on our brains. Research has shown that persistent negative internal dialogue weakens neural structures, making people much more vulnerable to stress.
In particular, the lobe of the insula and the amygdala showed high hyperactivity. These areas related to emotions such as fear or attention to the threats present in our environment subject us to states of great psychological wear. Furthermore, we cannot ignore that negative internal dialogue acts as a substrate that feeds anxiety and depression.
Thoughts and health: what if we talk to each other in a more compassionate way?
It is important to be aware of the fact that our inner dialogue can directly affect our health, both physical and psychological. A limiting speech that lowers self-esteem, which weakens our potential, our resources and opportunities, deserves more dedication to change our approach.
We must do everything to avoid negative internal dialogue. A simple resource for achieving this is: instead of speaking to ourselves in the first person (I am this, because I did), the ideal is to start speaking to us in the third person. In this way, we will be able to assume the role of that friend who wants the best for us but who at the same time is always careful to correct our mental discourses.
An example would be: “I understand that you are worried, but remember that you have all the resources in your possession to overcome this problem. You already have, so trust yourself. You deserve the best, you are strong, try it. "
Finally, we are aware that this process takes time. Changing a limiting internal discourse can be difficult at first, but if we commit ourselves to ourselves, we will gradually touch the changes. For this reason, an old Chinese proverb is worth quoting:
Watch your thoughts, because they will become your words.
Pay attention to your words, because they will become your actions.
Take care of your actions, because they will become your habits.
Take care of your habits, because they will become your destiny.
People with good self-esteem are distinguished by some behavioral traits that allow them to have a healthier life.
