Self-esteem is not a stable dimension. Sometimes after a bad relationship, you can have low self-esteem, no longer have self-love, or feel totally insecure. What can we do in these situations? We talk about it in this article.
Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
Insecurity and low self-esteem are directly related to each other. There are many people who live in the balance between these two dimensions; it feels like walking on a tightrope with the fear of falling down at the slightest mistake. You lose temperance, you feel fallible and unable to achieve anything, and above all you lose self-love.
Nathaniel Branden, Canadian psychotherapist and author of the book The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, has stated on more than one occasion that without inner security, which gives confidence and genuine love for oneself, it is impossible to face even the simplest challenges: social relationships, work, ability to fulfill and even love.
All these aspects falter even for people who are insecure and with low self-esteem. On the other hand, there is an undeniable truth: the world is not a good place for those who feel less capable.
For example, the insecure child is often teased and treated badly in school and the adult who cannot stand up for their rights runs the risk of building addictive relationships that further undermine their self-esteem. What can be done in these cases?
Insecurity and low self-esteem: always living in the balance
Low self-esteem always comes with costs. Our emotional balance, in fact, depends on that support, on that psychological muscle that acts as the most important variable for our well-being. The psychiatrist Luis Rojas-Marcos, in his book But who do I think I am. Self-esteem. Our secret strength tells us that the way people talk to each other is an explanatory element in this sense.
Among the many factors underlying the link between insecurity and low self-esteem, we often overlook the great importance of interior dialogue. That soliloquy with ourselves should always be kind, loving, and focus on our virtues. Otherwise, we will feed a wear and tear that will gradually end up affecting our mental health.
Ultimately, low self-esteem is the dimension that orbits most psychological disorders such as anxiety and depression. Let's see it in more detail.
What is behind the insecurity and low self-esteem?
What we say to ourselves affects our self-esteem. So why speak negative words to us? Why do we become the worst enemies of ourselves and our abilities? First of all it is important to remember that self-esteem is not a stable dimension, it can fluctuate and be influenced by our experiences.
In many cases the origin of our low self-esteem is to be found in childhood and in the education received. A bond with insecure attachment, emotional shortcomings, isolation, mistreatment, or even over-asking cause insecurity and a lack of self-esteem.
It is also important to take into account traumatic events: deaths of family members, accidents, being bullied or bullied can increase insecurity and low self-esteem.
In the same way, we cannot forget the impact toxic relationships can have on us. The cost of a bond based on criticism, humiliation, emotional blackmail and jealousy can totally damage our self-esteem and security.
What are people with insecure and low self-esteem like?
We all think that insecurity and low self-esteem are typical of shy, elusive and not very determined people. We forget, however, that these characteristics can underlie aggressive and even narcissistic personalities.
When someone perceives their own flaws and weaknesses, they can develop defense mechanisms to protect themselves and try to fill those gaps.
- Those who do not love themselves experience frustration, anxiety and anguish. All of this can (sometimes) translate into aggression.
- In other cases the opposite can happen: instead of showing aggressive behavior, the person victim of manipulation, not knowing how to defend himself, does not claim his rights.
- Low self-esteem affects our potential and reduces our chances. The lack of self-confidence puts us in that comfort zone where nothing happens.
- Last but not least, insecurity and low self-esteem are associated with various mental and physical health problems.
It has also been demonstrated that the close relationship between insecurity and certain eating disorders. For example, an interesting research carried out in the Infanta Leonor University Hospital, Madrid, has shown that low self-esteem is a risk factor for the development of serious food-related diseases.
Insecurity and low self-esteem: how can I stop being my enemy and increase my self-confidence?
Self-esteem does not regain itself overnight. Especially if we have the weight of a traumatic education on our shoulders, if we have been victims of bullying for many years or if we have lived a relationship of emotional dependence towards our partner. What can we do in these situations?
- Psychological therapy is the best resource for working on the causes of our insecurities. Addressing the triggers and having the skills and tools to improve one's inner dialogue is undoubtedly the best strategy.
- In the same way, It is helpful to keep a journal to identify negative thoughts. Identifying negativities, irrational thoughts and that critical voice that does not allow us to express our potential is an essential step to overcome problems.
- It is important to set simple goals that can be achieved every day. Small daily progress strengthens our self-esteem.
It is also highly recommended to start new projects. Sometimes the changes open the doors to new scenarios that allow a new ego to emerge. This new ego will probably be enthusiastic about life and, above all, about itself. This is the secret.
