There are times when we feel that there is something wrong with us. Our emotional relationships end, everyone disappoints us, everything we propose is ignored and it seems that there is no way to feel good, to spend a few days of calm and happiness. Why does this happen?
Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
“My relationships often end in a traumatic way. I often feel anxious. Many of the things I aim to do are not going as planned. They often disappoint me, it's hard for me to be happy ... The truth is, I feel there is something wrong with me". Many people have this feeling, this existential perception that fuels the discomfort without really knowing what causes it.
It is a totum revolutum where it is quite difficult to separate certain things from others. Pessimism and the perception of ineffectiveness invade the mind, all channeled by an inner dialogue that does nothing but repeat the same message to us at every moment. Is this perhaps the prelude to a depression? Is there really something wrong with me? What can I do?
Few inner experiences are as disabling as this, so they require our full attention. Let's deepen the topic.
The inner critic is a voracious enemy who knocks our psychological efforts down to the ground. Behind the feeling of ineffectiveness and low self-esteem in many cases there could be a severe and authoritarian education, but also traumatic emotional relationships.
Why do I feel there is something wrong with me?
Regardless of the cause of a disabling idea, there are strategies for feeling better. There are approaches that can allow us to develop a more compassionate view of ourselves to improve self-efficacy and self-esteem. Anyway, you have to start giving space to that thought, to that feeling that "there is something in me".
Instead of leaving it aside, we need to explore this reasoning, to know what it is made of to act in the best way. There is no point in suppressing or ignoring negativity when reflected in such a concrete self-assessment.
Thinking that there is something wrong with yourself can be due to several causes that are worth understanding. Let's analyze them.
Low self-esteem, a psychological prism that alters everything
Low self-esteem is a filter that tarnishes value, destroys personal safety, and annihilates the feeling of self-efficacy. Nothing good grows in the minds of those who lack self-confidence, who perceive themselves in a lower way and who act in the grip of criticism.
A study conducted at the University of California indicates that there is a direct link between low self-esteem and mood disorders. In short, there is a fine line between this psychological dimension and anxiety disorders and depression.
Thinking or constantly saying to ourselves "that something is wrong with me" may be a reflection of one of these conditions.
Psychological trauma and distorted self-perception
Psychological trauma completely distorts the way we see ourselves. The perception we have of ourselves is not only negative, but also disabling.
Trauma can originate in a childhood of abuse or neglect, the loss of a loved one, being the victim of an attack, etc.
Likewise, having a relationship with a narcissistic personality also has its consequences. Years and years of manipulation, humiliation and mental strain lead many people to say: “there is something wrong with me”, which is why it happened to me.
Loneliness and the feeling that there is something wrong with it
We can have many people around and still feel alone. Sometimes, we do not feel close or friends or family, they are not close to us, nor validate us and this reinforces the discomfort, discouragement, sadness, etc.
When we don't have enriching social bonds, we think there is something wrong with us. When the reality is that we have not yet found people who really know how to be there, who know how to love and respect us as we are.
"You yourself, as well as anyone else in the entire universe, deserve their love and affection."
-Buddha-
What can I do to get a better view of myself?
When we think that there is something wrong with us, it means that there are aspects of our personality that we do not like. Perhaps we lack more self-esteem, to heal yesterday's wounds and allow ourselves new opportunities. Maybe we are treating ourselves too harshly.
In these cases it is always advisable to consult good professionals to undertake a path of growth, perhaps to recognize the symptoms of depression and anxiety. It can come in handy take into consideration a number of aspects.
Connect with the "faulty" part of yourself and ask yourself what we need
We need to get in touch with that something that, in our opinion, is not right. Tune in to those emotions and let them flow, allowing yourself to understand what that feeling is due to. In short, investigate the causes of the malaise, understand why and focus on your needs.
Make peace with your own inner dialogue
We have been judging ourselves for a long time, we have treated ourselves badly, we neglect ourselves… It is time to establish a more compassionate and kind inner dialogue, a voice that appreciates us and that every day tells us that it believes in us.
We are better than we think, but our inner discourse crushes us and confuses us, blurring all potential. We need to change the way of thinking.
There is something wrong with me: how to counter shame and pessimism
When we think there is something wrong with us, we are ashamed of who we are. We don't like each other, we hide, we inhibit ourselves… All these ideas and emotions must be opposed and replaced with others that are more constructive and friendly. They are irrational schemes that we have to deal with.
When I think there is something wrong with me, I have to remember what my values ​​are
There are defects in us, but also virtues. Our personality has weaknesses, but also potentials. Focusing only on what has been lost, what has not been achieved, on mistakes, disappointments and the gray areas of life brings only suffering.
It is like tying an anchor to our feet to stop moving forward on the journey of life. It is neither logical nor healthy. It is necessary to reach the right mental concentration to remember that we are also capable of generating great changes.
We must keep in mind that there are resources in us that we can learn and develop and that will allow us to improve self-efficacy and strengthen complicity with ourselves, to become our allies, not our enemies.
There is nothing wrong with us, there are only difficult times that we can overcome with determination and self-confidence.
