People with good self-esteem know that without this dimension, life atrophies and visibility, dignity and even health are lost. This is why they take care of this psychological muscle every day, and they do it with awareness, courage, respect and endurance.
Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
People with good self-esteem are distinguished by some behavioral traits which allow them to have a healthier life. They are not made of a special material, they are no different from others. They are men and women who have decided to strengthen their values, consciously or not, and to treat themselves in a healthier way to achieve a state of well-being.
If we say that self-esteem is the secret to our survival, some might think it is an exaggeration. But it isn't. Carl Rogers defined this dimension as the core of the personality.
Psychotherapists and subject matter experts, such as Nathaniel Branden, they understand it as that human need that contributes to the healthy process of life in each of its phases.
Positive self-esteem gives us back control of reality. Conversely, with impaired self-esteem, our spirit and self-confidence are dulled, our identity wears out, and we are subject to external attacks.
We all, in some way, know what it means to disregard this psychological tendon. The good news is that it is a dimension that can be trained, healed and strengthened. It doesn't matter the age or the context. It is always the right time to repair this internal muscle that drives life.
The best thing in the world is knowing how to belong to yourself.
-Michel de Montaigne-
How are people with good self-esteem?
The University of Michigan psychology curriculum conducted an interesting study on self-esteem. The first author of this work, Dr. Brent Dollentan, found that people with good self-esteem reach advanced ages with a remarkable quality of life.
They have happier relationships, are healthier and more respectful, plus they get the most out of work and free time. Another interesting finding revealed by the study is that, on average, people in their 60s have better self-esteem than the younger population.
Part of the community of experts puts the spotlight on this aspect: adolescents and young adults do not exploit this psychological resource. Let's see together what are the useful approaches to improve this aspect.
People with good self-esteem are humbler
This data is important. Many people have a distorted view of self-esteem. In fact, it's not about developing strong self-esteem because excessive self-esteem leads to narcissistic behavior.
A healthy self-esteem is one that knows how to be humble. It uses a close, flexible attitude, able to behave in a simple way, appreciating simple things and paying attention to what really matters.
They feel competent
Albert Bandura, a leading social psychologist, defined a term that we should apply in everyday life: “self-efficacy”. Feeling not only competent in everything we do, but also able to learn from our mistakes to improve and grow is an exercise in wisdom and personal growth.
Self-efficacy supports self-esteem, welcomes it and gives it strength, encouragement and impulses. It gives us the courage to act and ignore criticism or the classic "you can't, you don't deserve it".
They are no longer afraid
People with good self-esteem have defeated that presence that limited their lives, their choices and their desires: fear. We know that fear is an emotion that guarantees us survival, but sometimes we give too much power to fears that are not useful and that others project us. Having good self-esteem means, among other things, applying the following personal approach:
- Don't be afraid to tell the truth when needed. Although by doing so we may disappoint others.
- Rationalize the fears that prevent us from showing ourselves to the world as we are. Gestures like dressing the way we want, showing us how we really are, practicing the hobbies that define us, and building the life we ​​dream of are acts we do when we finally let go of fear.
They are responsible for what they say and do
Another aspiration to reach the pinnacle of self-realization, as Abraham Maslow would say, is to be consistent. Consistent between what we say and what we do. Being responsible for everything we do and the possible consequences.
People who exercise self-esteem on a daily basis are very responsible. They understand that managing their own destiny and reality is only in their hands. Every mistake made depends on them, as well as every success and achievement.
The past no longer exists, the future has not happened yet: the present is everything
To train the self-esteem muscle we need to focus on the present moment. Daniel Goleman, in his book Focus, urges us to train our attention: thanks to it, we recognize what is really important at all times.
It is the secret to taking care of this psychological value, otherwise we risk getting stuck in the wounds of yesterday, in the failures of the past or in the anxieties of the future.
To be strong means to be active agents of the present. Someone who moves in life knowing where they are going and what they want. People with good self-esteem do not follow the crowd, they do not allow themselves to be influenced or convinced by what does not correspond to their values.
They think and decide for themselves and they do it without fear, because they know that to be happy they have to make decisions that sometimes do not please everyone.
