Complex feelings are not easy for anyone to deal with. And this is why emotional isolation is often put in place, a defense mechanism through which to silence emotions, rationalizing what happened and making it clear that everything is for the best.
Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: February 18, 2022
The concept of emotional isolation defines a defense mechanism theorized by Sigmund Freud at the beginning of the XNUMXth century. It consists of a dynamic that is well known to us all: isolating a painful thought to reduce its emotional significance. Taking rationalization to the extreme so as to deprive the experience of the saddest and most painful aspect.
Imagine someone who has just been robbed on the street. Days go by since the episode and every time they ask him how he is, he always replies the same thing: “it's nothing, these things happen, I don't even think about it anymore”. Directing the mental focus on the cognitive side (thoughts), eliminating the emotional impact altogether, is a not very useful way of dealing with it.
Emotional isolation is often a strategy enacted in dealing with the death of a loved one. Repeating that everything is fine, that the important thing is to return to normal and that we must not be overwhelmed by pain, ends up giving shape to the well-known frozen mourning.
There are people who face difficult situations by minimizing them, avoiding thinking about them, or showing others and themselves that the event does not concern them.
What does emotional isolation consist of?
We all have adopted emotional isolation at some point in our life. It is a fairly common coping strategy. And while it can be useful at times, in most cases it is applied in an unhealthy way.
For example, psychological research points out that we often manage dangerous situations by isolating the emotional component. This would allow to contain the fear and be more decisive.
Yale University also talks about it in a study on repressive personality. That is, some people are quite adept at repressing negative information, enhancing the positive value of any stimulus, situation or experience.
In some cases, it can also be an effective and practical strategy, but using this mechanism in every situation does not lead to positive effects.
Lack of affection experiences: Emotional anesthesia doesn't always prove helpful
Affective isolation can prove useful in situations of mild daily stress. Elaborating reality from a more rational and less emotional level can be useful for better managing ordinary difficulties.
However, in the most traumatic situations, this defense mechanism tends to make suffering chronic, precisely because it is not managed adequately.
Roy F. Baumeister, a social psychologist, conducted a study with the aim of verifying how many of the defense mechanisms set out in Freud's time were still present in today's society. In fact, emotional isolation is one of the most common psychological strategies in many groups.
People with addictions do this, minimizing the impact of their behavior and, at the same time, reinforcing the addiction. It is also common for many criminals to adopt this type of emotional anesthesia to not feel the effect of their actions.
On the other hand, as already highlighted at the beginning, emotional isolation is often implemented in situations of bereavement, as an adaptation strategy. Avoid feeling to continue living, get rid of pain to continue working, perform your duties… Obviously, this coping mechanism (in extreme situations like these) is never healthy.
Affective isolation in children, from emotional loneliness to physical loneliness
Affective isolation is also common among children, and is related to emotional neglect or abuse. When they expect affection from their parents, but on the contrary, they get only attitudes of emotional coldness or situations of pain, the parental figures turn into dangers. And one of the ways to cope with danger is to turn off emotional needs.
"If mom and dad yell at me and humiliate me, I stop trusting and I stop expecting affection from them." Gradually, they move from emotional isolation to social isolation. When they stop trusting (and needing) their parents, they stop trusting others too. This makes them, over time, unable to build solid social relationships.
Emotional isolation: emotions are part of life, they must not be repressed
Emotions are part of life and are the essence of human nature. You cannot repress a negative emotion or even separate it from the experience that originated it. Doing so goes against our nature.
In this sense, it is useless to repeat that nothing has happened if someone has harassed us at work, if the partner has abandoned us or if we have been abused in childhood.
Emotions cannot be isolated, they must be recognized, accepted and rationalized, so that they do not constitute an obstacle to our existence. Implementing a dissociation between what happened and what we feel in relation to it, can lead to the onset of various psychological disorders.
Examples include avoidance, social phobia, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder. Therefore, it is necessary to learn to accept and understand all the emotions we feel, every thought and every sensation experienced.
