There are people who can't help but raise their voices when they get angry. We know that screaming does not solve anything, quite the opposite, and yet it is sometimes almost impossible to avoid it. What can we do in these cases?
Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
Nobody likes screams: the brain responds by putting us on alert, intensifying the tension and prompting us to flee or react. Yet, everyone has happened to be in this situation. Why do you scream when you are angry?
Sometimes we raise our voices more than necessary without realizing it, especially if we are in the middle of an argument or if someone has disrespected us.
Many parents regret scolding their children as a result of a tantrum, prank, or inappropriate behavior. The calm fails, the mind acts on instinct and one loses control. Then, obviously, remorse comes and the classic promise "this time will be the last".
We all know that screaming hurts, solves nothing and creates distance, yet it still remains a manifestation of human behavior.
Every day we see couples yelling at each other on the beach or in a restaurant, bosses raising their voices to their employees, and even teachers scolding pupils when they need to get their attention.
Why does this happen? Is it an instinct or does it have a purpose? Since we are prone to this conduct, how can we control it?
"I'm more of a convulsion, screaming and howling blood."
-Alejandra Pizarnik-
Why do you scream when you are angry?
Screaming has an evolutionary purpose: warns the group of a threat or danger. It is an instinct that we share with animals and that has been helping us since time immemorial. We could describe it as a primary vocalization, like that of infants and which often informs parents of their needs.
The study conducted by the University of Oslo (Norway) indicates that human screams can reflect up to six primary emotions. Not only do we cry out in anger, but this reaction is often a reflection of pain, fear, joy, sadness and passion.
Dr. Sasha Frühholz points out that the brain reacts intensely to screams because it processes them as threatening stimuli. In other words, you can suddenly scream with joy and happiness, but that reaction will always be surprising and unpleasant for those who don't expect it.
This leads us to see that there are people with a greater tendency to make use of this behavior. Many people wonder why they scream when angry and what can be done to avoid it?
We know that it is unpleasant behavior, which distances us from others and which, far from being cathartic, makes us feel regret. Let's see the reasons why you scream.
The screams and the education imparted
We scream because our parents used to do it with us when we were children; because it was the form of communication adopted by those who raised us.
Orders, reproaches and simple comments… If our parents have educated us using a high or punitive tone of voice, that pattern becomes part of us and we repeat it.
Raise your voice to dominate the situation
Sometimes there is a lack of resources, social skills and communication strategies. When someone asks me why I cry when I'm angry, the answer could be something very simple. We are convinced that by raising our voice we can dominate the situation and impose ourselves on the other.
It is important to know that screaming in human communication is a form of aggression. We do not dominate or win in an argument simply by raising our voice. On the contrary, what we get is intensifying the discomfort and creating distance.
Why do you scream when you are angry? Wrong emotional management
We are emotional beings who reason. The first reaction will always be to let oneself be carried away by the emotions experienced and, if it is not possible to know how to regulate them, the effects can be impulsive, irrational and explosive.
It is not easy to master the negative emotional states because they present a great physiological activation. The study conducted at the University of Connecticut and the University of Minnesota Medical Center shows us that children's whims are always great opportunities to educate them about emotional regulation.
The expressiveness in which the scream is a constant must be managed, regulated and controlled. The child who does not learn to self-regulate his emotions becomes an impulsive adult who screams, who gets carried away by anger, frustration, rage.
How to stop screaming?
Using screams is synonymous with a violent, punitive and offensive style of communication. There is nothing to be gained by doing so. A true leader does not lead if he yells and inhibits.
A father and mother who resort to screaming mistreat their children. Those who end up raising their voices every time he argues with someone show emotional and communicative incompetence.
If you are wondering why you scream, it is also important to commit to quitting. These are some strategies that can help:
- Remembering past experiences and the consequences of speaking openly.
- Engage in interpersonal respect. The first step to achieve this goal is to encourage active listening and empathy, or connect with those in front of us with respect. Understanding its reality without the need to react or impose oneself.
- Control anger and frustration.
- Recognize your reactions, understand what makes us react and resort to screams. Check the triggers, reflect on them so as not to act by pure instinct.
- When you feel like screaming in the middle of an argument or a specific situation, count to 10. Relax your mind.
- Committing to change: being responsible for yourself and your behavior.
- Learn communication techniques such as assertiveness, argumentation, negotiation.
Conclusions
To stop screaming, it's good to start being kinder to yourself. Managing negative emotions means knowing each other, controlling oneself and being able to transform these moments into more harmonious situations.
This requires some degree of connection with oneself to make a change. Stopping raising your voice is one of the best.
