It is better not to stop at the feeling and the mere intention, because what we value most is a compassionate empathy able to act, to give us concrete support, to help us ...
Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: February 19, 2022
If there's one thing the world needs, it's more compassionate empathy. We are talking about that dimension in which we do not stop at the sensation that follows, the emotion that binds and the heart capable of being moved. We refer to the action of those who commit themselves and decide to give their help, of those who dare to change the reality of others by giving support, affection and authentic well-being.
Lewis Carroll said that one of the secrets of this life is to understand that we are in this world for a reason that goes beyond mere existence. The human being is also here to help, so that each of us, from our own "garden" and from our own position, makes this reality a little more noble, a little more beautiful. However, let's face it: sometimes it costs us effort.
And we struggle because many of us stop at intention and feeling, but don't act. Through social networks, for example, we come into contact with an infinite number of initiatives that we support with a single click, sharing or recording our data to join specific social campaigns. We are very sensitive to an infinite number of problems that plague our society, yet, sometimes, we do not see what we have in front of our eyes.
Compassionate empathy requires making a useful contribution to those around us. However, we don't always get to see that friend, family member or co-worker who would need active support at a specific time. Or, again, we can see it, but sometimes we don't really know how to act.
What we do for ourselves dies with us, what we do for others and for the world remains and is immortal.
-Albert Pike-
The third type of empathy, the most useful
The definition of compassionate empathy was given by the psychologist expert in the study of emotions Paul Ekman. This idea was also useful to Daniel Goleman to outline a profile of the famous emotional coefficient, that is to say that dimension that would help us to classify our degree of emotional intelligence.
It is important to underline that empathy is not a unitary dimension, it is not a linear concept in which to limit oneself to understanding that the empathic person is the one capable of understanding the emotional reality of those in front of him.
Rather, it is a broader and more interesting aspect, one in which not all of us would score high by taking a test to measure our emotional competence. Let's see, first of all, how empathy develops and what types define it.
Types of empathy
- Emotional empathy. Paraphrasing the words of Daniel Goleman himself, it is an often contagious and even dangerous dimension, when we do not know how to set limits and we remain "stuck" in the suffering of others. It refers to our ability to get in touch with the emotional reality of others. It means feeling what the other feels and impersonating his personal reality. In this process, mirror neurons, our feelings and even our physiological response come into action.
- Cognitive empathy, for its part, requires the use of the intellect, of cognitive processes such as attention, reflection, communication, inferences and so on. It essentially means understanding how the other person feels, why they feel that way, and even deducing what ideas and thoughts may move in the other person's mind.
- Finally, we have that unknown, that often overlooked dimension that is compassionate empathy. Paraphrasing the words of Daniel Goleman: this type of empathy not only allows us to understand how a person feels and what the problem is, we also mobilize to help them if we deem it necessary.
How is the person able to feel compassionate empathy?
Those who feel compassionate empathy take an extra step in their personal growth. He is a person who perfectly manages the field of human relations. The reason for this is based on the following characteristics:
Positive people who know how to react to any situation
Train and challenge our empathy will allow us, first of all, to always act halfway between reason and emotion. This dimension will help us to evaluate every situation from a very positive point of view, where we do not let ourselves be carried away by the emotional contagion or by that objective logic that understands things, but which never gets to act.
In this way, the empathic-compassionate person knows how to act at all times, putting in place the type of support that is most suitable for the situation.
Skilled in reciprocity
Successful relationships and the most important bonds are always based on the principle of reciprocity. It is a "you give to me, I give to you"; it is knowing how to understand and respond feeling, in turn, deserving of what we have offered. For this reason, compassionate empathy is an elementary principle of personal well-being, because it is not based only on knowing how to help others. We too can and must receive support.
People with compassionate empathy know the secrets of human connection
The interconnectedness of human beings is part of the essence of compassionate empathy. It means being able to reach someone with their authenticity, understanding their singular reality, accepting it as it is, without prejudice, without distortion, without ulterior motives. The connection that starts from the respect and appreciation of others also allows us to understand their needs and to make it clear what we can do.
At the same time - not least - those skilled in the art of compassionate empathy don't just help as if they were a savior. In fact, knowing how to help is a true art. We need to know what to offer and how, because sometimes what a person needs is not always what he asks of us and this is to be kept in mind.
Finally, Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh states that when we give our presence and full attention to others, they blossom like flowers. However, it is obvious that sometimes something more is needed: to mobilize, to know how to act with knowledge.
