There are times when life hurts and emotions hold us hostage. We need to untie a knot of fear, anxiety and worry, but ... who is best to do it with?
Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: February 19, 2022
We have all felt the need to talk to someone in one moment of our life. These are situations in which we feel overwhelmed, moments on the edge in which emotions become tangled and cloud the mind, alter perspectives and even make it difficult to breathe. Fear, anxiety, sadness… where to start?
When we feel this way, it is critically important to understand who to unravel our thoughts or emotions with. Because the truth is that we don't get the same result with everyone, because not everyone is willing to listen to us.
Sometimes we even fail to seek support from a person close to us: a partner, a friend, a family member... A misplaced word or unnecessary advice is enough to worsen the situation or a state of mind already put to the test.
To let off steam, to reveal something that belongs to us, to seek support… not all people are suitable or able to help in a task of this kind. Because, in reality, what we are looking for is more than just talking or communicating. We would like a "mirror" where we can look without feeling judged.
We would like a person as a refuge we can rely on or who can relieve us of our anguish. We need a thaumaturgical person, one who heals with the eyes and with their proximity.
I need to talk to someone: why, with whom and how?
Nothing defines the human being better than his ability to communicate. If we all, for better or for worse, use language skills effectively, the same cannot be said for emotional communication. In this respect, it is common for difficulties to arise. We struggle, we are reluctant but, above all, we have not been educated to talk about what hurts and worries us.
A study conducted at Purdue University in the United States by Brant R. Burleson clarifies the importance of emotional support in close relationships. However, it is important to point out that this is not always synonymous with being able to speak frankly with a person.
We can, for example, count on the closeness and support of our partner or our mother, but we feel the need to talk to someone, these figures may not be the most suitable. Maybe things have happened to us that we don't want them to know or simply why although they love us, they are not the most suitable people.
Because we feel the need to talk to someone when we go through a bad time
When something negative happens to us, when we feel at the limit of our resources, overwhelmed, stressed, worried ... We humans need, sometimes, to throw out what we have inside. A simple but powerful gesture like speaking and communicating emotions and emotions is always a winner. For a variety of reasons:
- We feel that we are "doing something". Talking is an active mechanism, therefore it is a constructive and healthy gesture. It is an exchange and all exchanges are positive.
- When we talk to someone we are not just offering information and conveying our feelings. Communicating with others also means listening to us. It is an exercise that acts as a mirror and allows us to discover something more about ourselves.
- Expressing thoughts, feelings and emotions aloud helps us understand that, in a certain way, the situation is not as bad as we think. Silence imprisons us and deepens our malaise. Talking releases tension and allows us to see the situation more clearly.
With whom to do it?
When we feel the need to talk to someone, not everyone is suitable. This is a principle that we must be clear about. Sometimes it doesn't matter how much a person loves us - they may not be up to par, for various reasons.
- When we confide in our concerns or a situation that hurts us, we need a person who knows how to respect our privacy. The last thing we want is for our words to reach the ears of third parties.
- We are looking for someone who knows how to listen and who is present. Nothing more. We do not want him to give us his opinion, to refute what we say or to tell us what he would do in our situation.
- This person must not make us feel judged, he must not question or criticize what we say. If this happens, we could even get bad.
- It must possess the traits that facilitate emotional communication: empathy, closeness, active listening, sensitivity, humanity ...
In some cases, a friend may be fine; at other times, however, the most suitable person is the psychologist. The professional not only possesses the characteristics listed, but also has the necessary tools to deal with our problem.
I need to talk to someone: where do I start?
“When I need to talk to someone I don't always know where to start. My head is a whirlwind of sensations, thoughts and emotions. Plus I feel exhausted. It's that long-standing fatigue that has left my mind in a mess… So, I don't know where to start ”.
These are the most common feelings of those who approach psychotherapy for the first time or who simply want to confide in a loved one. In both cases, it can be useful to keep in mind some simple strategies:
- Explain to the person in front of you how you feel in the present moment, in your "here and now". Free what comes to your mind and what you feel inside
- Don't be ashamed if your voice cracks or if tears appear, let them flow. Talk without fear, feel safe: expressing emotions is healthy and necessary. You will feel better.
- Explain how long you have been feeling this way.
- Try to trace it back and talk about it. Make it clear.
- Be honest. Resorting to half-truths or omitting certain aspects does not help. If you need to talk to someone, that's why the time has come to release what you have inside. Drop any barrier.
- Always try to use the word "I". It allows you to channel emotions (I feel, I fear, I believe…).
- Look your interlocutor in the eye. His closeness and warmth will guide you with affection so that you can speak freely.
In short…
Everyone can go through a time when they need to talk to someone. We carefully choose who to entrust our thoughts to. Let us not forget, at the same time, that in these circumstances the most suitable person could be a psychologist.
