To you, shyness, who have always been by my side, I dedicate these paragraphs so that you understand why you are so important in my life.
Last update: June 16, 2021
Dear shyness, you walked by my side facing a thousand adventures with me. After each journey down the path of guilt, anguish, shame, pain, anxiety and stress, I want you to finally know what I feel and think about you.
You have been living with me for several years now, and even if the moments spent together have been unparalleled and I have no intention of completely separating from you, the time has come to take the reins of the matter.
After reflecting, I realized that every time I walk next to you I can learn something. This is why I am writing you this letter, dear shyness, to tell you the conclusions I came to.
Shyness, you are part of me
I have often seen you as an alien force taking over me just when I needed some peace of mind. But then, step by step, I learned that you are not that much of a stranger.
I thought you appeared to take over my voice, my head, my whole body. But today I know that your presence is not accidental. I finally understood that you are part of me; that you are not omnipotent, but that I am giving you the power.
For this, dear shyness, today I wanted to dedicate these lines to you. So that you know that I have finally understood that we are one, and that by making peace with you, our relationship can take new directions. There is a world to discover and experience together that goes beyond anxiety and shame.
Since I now know that you are part of me, I have a new task: to know myself better in order to identify what it is that scares me so much; so I can manage you better. Can you imagine what it would be like to make assertive decisions together, to be creative, without getting stuck in feelings of shame and guilt?
I also choose to be more resilient to be able to face adversity and emerge victorious. We will learn to live together even more in harmony. But I warn you, shyness, it will not be easy. A little at a time.
I know you are good, shyness
Don't think that things are bad between us. Quite the opposite! I finally realized how much I needed you and I was able to appreciate your enormous value. I had come to hate you because I was too focused on the past or on future predictions, I didn't enjoy the present. I assure you, shyness, that by living in the here and now, we will feel more free.
It didn't do me any good to be so pessimistic either. Thinking only of the negative things plunged me into a negative state, preventing me from seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Now I understand that you can learn from dark moments, now I can navigate the darkest waters without fear.
Shy, I know you are good. Thanks to you I have developed many skills, for example my spirit of observation and analysis. Seeing everything in silence helped me to get to know others, to understand their non-verbal language. Thanks to your prudence, shyness, you helped me survive.
I can also tell you, shyness, that thanks to you I have the time to reflect on my ideas, exercising my memory and my reflection skills. I know it's not always good, especially when thoughts are obsessive, but the awareness gained over time helped me react. In addition to stimulating my executive functions.
I'd like to ask you a question now. Did you know that any person can think, feel, behave like the two of us, at a time in her life? Unfortunately, we tend to label ourselves, to consider ourselves wrong.
Yet moments of shyness can affect anyone. For example when we become a bundle of nerves in front of the person we like, or when we have to speak in public. Let's stop seeing ourselves with negative eyes; it is a bad habit for our well-being.
Many confuse you with social phobia; It is true that shy people can experience it, but it is not a prerogative of shyness. These are two different conditions and with precise differences.
Social phobia is a mental disorder described in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. It is an anxiety disorder where the fear of one or more social situations persists. It is distinguished from shyness, above all, as it becomes debilitating for the afflicted subject.
Dear shyness, I will take off my breastplate to make you weaker
I know that you are part of me and I cannot completely escape. What I can do is take off the armor I'm wearing to make you weaker. It will be good for both: the most unpleasant sensations will disappear. But to get to this point, I must first explore and get to know myself, so that I can make decisions that don't cause me discomfort. So I will be more authentic. Also, I'll help you like this:
- I will avoid judgments. Because these induce pessimism and push you not to want to face situations.
- Thinking beyond myself. It is about shifting the focus from me to others. Unknowingly, I only see what I believe others are thinking, not what they are actually communicating.
- Get ready. To feel more confident I will prepare the things to say, the way to say them and the resources at my disposal.
- Mete real. Setting unattainable goals eases frustration.
- I will take care of the non-verbal language. So I will convey the proper messages.
Remember, dear shyness, that even if you want to go unnoticed, others know you and can interpret your language. If you remain absorbed in yourself, isolated, in silence, you will be much more visible than you think.
This will make it easier for you to take advantage of all your possibilities. It's not about pretending to be something else. Simply identify what are the aspects that value you most in interacting with others and use them in your favor.
I conclude by greeting you with gratitude, because you have taught me so much. Without you I would not know who I am, I would not have improved my spirit of observation and I would not have faced many situations in the best possible way; you may not know, but sometimes you have been my best ally. Let's make life easier. We continue to be together, but we become more assertive and sensible when it comes to taking action. You can stay with me, but I'm in control.
