Being able to resort to self-control means knowing how to remain calm and react positively regardless of the circumstances.
Last update: April 28, 2019
Developing self-control is a very common purpose. The problem is that it is often not enough to put all our effort into it. Because sometimes what we lack is not the will, but a correct methodology. Psychology and the sciences that study the mind have found solutions to make it easier and more effective to achieve these goals.
Self-control it is defined as the ability to modulate emotions and remain calm in the face of stressful, negative situations or that provoke strong emotional reactions. Some call it “cold blood”, but it's more about having a controlled emotionality.
“Maturity means controlling desires and postponing bonuses. If we do not let ourselves be carried away by the first impulses, we will have control of our life and we will benefit from true freedom ”.
-Enrique Rojas-
The path to developing self-control is gradual. The transition from impulsiveness to reflexivity is not done overnight. It is a self-educational process that progresses progressively, step by step. Therefore, it is essential to learn how to activate internal "safety lights". Let's see all these aspects in detail.
Worry, a factor that prevents you from developing self-control
What stresses us, irritates us or distresses us in most cases is not as stressful, irritating or distressing. It is we who give certain connotations and attach a certain importance to events based on our perspective.
When we are unable to handle our feelings and feel that reality is suffocating us, it is usually because we are interpreting the world through anxiety.
Worries are just that: facing reality with anxiety. These are distressing predictions about what is to come that are of no use to us.
Therefore, the first internal spy that we must activate is the one that alerts us to the presence of a concern. Well, what can we do in these cases?
- Eliminate worry from the mental sphere. Write it or say it aloud with a tape recorder. The important thing is to avoid that it remains permanently inside us.
- Limit the time for worries. Scheduling a specific period of time to think about what's bothering us can help. One hour a day, for example.
- Take advantage of the time set aside for worries. During the period of time set aside to think about what worries us, we should strive to seek solutions. Sure, we can't expect to discover the magic potion, but at least the next step to take.
- Relax in the remaining time. Outside of the specific worry time, what we need to do is relax and avoid thinking about the negative things.
The path to the development of self-control
Another secret to developing self-control is to resist a stressful, irritating or uneasy stimulus in time. That stimulus has to be isolated. Which means, in the first place, not to react; then, get away from it.
To do it, it is necessary to identify precisely what is mortifying us. For example, we can write it on a piece of paper, then remove this cause of discomfort from our life and act as if nothing disturbs us. As if we were theater actors and our role was to simulate tranquility. Next, we need to look for something that satisfies us (or, at least, is neutral). In this way, we will observe our emotions balance out.
Steps to develop self-control
The development of self-control ranges from being able to not react impulsively to the ability to anticipate negative situations or effects. The stages of evolution are the following:
- Refrain from uncontrolled reactions. It is better to remain calm and silent than to do something that we may later regret.
- Identify the emotion that wants to take over us (fear, anger, anguish, stress, etc.) and manage it so that it does not take over.
- Maintaining control in the face of situations that cause stress, anger or frustration e keep doing what we were doing. However, it is also true that in these moments it is difficult to recover the balance.
- Practice relaxation techniques and use them in difficult times. In this way, it will be easier to recover tranquility and a state of serenity.
- Maintain self-control and react constructively. It is about looking for solutions to what worries, irritates or distresses us.
- Maintain as much self-control as possible and, at the same time, have the ability to calm those around us.
- Predict situations that can generate tension or problems and develop strategies to modify them, and prevent out-of-control situations.
The most important thing is to insert those internal spies that help us arrest the spiral of negative thoughts and emotions. Undoubtedly, willpower, constant practice and the ability to look within are necessary, avoiding excessive pressure and with the awareness that, in these cases, time is our best ally.
