If it is difficult to rejoice in the good of others, most likely there is an underlying psychological disorder and, to be exact, a depressive process
Last update: June 27, 2020
It is not uncommon to find yourself in the annoying situation of feeling indifference, envy, or even displeasure if you perceive another person's well-being and success. Many times it is difficult to rejoice in the happiness of others, despite the love one feels, and this could indicate the presence of an underlying psychological disorder.
As is extrapolated from the specialized scientific literature, the most common problem in these cases is depression.
In this article you will find some strategies related to the inability to rejoice in the happiness of others and also how to try to deal with this problem in order to be able, without envy or other negative feelings, to make the happiness of others your own.
Love is that state in which another person's happiness is essential to your own happiness.
-Robert A. Heinlein-
Why is it sometimes difficult to rejoice in the happiness of others?
Perhaps we have perceived, in first person or through external comments, that every time a loved one brings good news about their life (a promotion, the wedding of a son or daughter, a prize ...) we experience an immediate and irrepressible negative emotion. Sometimes, perhaps, we have seen this scenario also drawn in the emotional state of others.
An emotion that can be diluted in a mixture of feelings of rejection, envy, anger, injustice, desiring the evil of others ... Ultimately, while others expect us to share and make their joy our own, a visceral and uncontrollable block it prevents us, during the first fractions of a second, from showing a feeling of spontaneous and sincere joy.
It is equally probable that this reaction has not always been present in us with greater or lesser intensity. It is therefore necessary to stop and think that, perhaps, there is something inside us that prevents us from emotionally aligning ourselves with the happiness of others; popular philosophy is wise: how can a person who has not found happiness for a long time be happy for others?
From a broad perspective, this tendency to be reluctant to the emotional well-being of others could be categorized as dysfunctional social conduct. It is precisely in depressive experiences that the inclination to react negatively to social interactions has been studied, and it is possible to see more clearly; depressive symptoms are often related, however, to a low quality of personal relationships.
A poor state of mind is also often associated with the erosion of self-concept. An impoverishment of the vision of the Ego which frequently also affects its closest neighbor: self-esteem.
In this sense, we find ourselves in the presence of a curious phenomenon. Serious damage to our self-concept makes us more likely to stand out in others what they possess, or we believe they possess, to a greater extent or consistency. And oversizing its attributes naturally causes a feeling of aversion and a negative attitude in all those positive circumstances and qualities that involve remembering and validating them.
On the other hand, the tacit hostility, observable in people with typical characteristics of the passive-aggressive personality, is related to envy; it would be this feeling to mediate between a cracked psycho-affective state and the tendency to value negatively what others possess positively.
Isolated envy, however, is not the symptom of a pathology. Richard Smith, a professor at the University of Kentucky and a specialist in the study of the phenomenon of envy, points out that part of our survival is based on envy: we use comparison as a measure of our status and as a driving force towards personal improvement.
If learning about the happiness of others produces too much discomfort or negatively interferes with our life, then, yes, we can talk about a problem. A difficulty that will require a solution, which includes the following strategies.
What to do to enjoy the happiness of others?
We need to stop negativity from taking root and turning us into bitter people, unable to develop empathic happiness; life, the happier, the better it is lived. Among the most effective measures to be taken to achieve this paradigm shift we find:
- Be grateful for what you have. We must try to focus on everything that makes us feel good and change our mental perspective to stop attaching ourselves to what makes us feel unwell.
- Realize that your value does not come from external elements. In other words, we are worth what we are, not what we own. Our potential is our greatest wealth and we keep it within us.
- Try to find inspiration, instead of discouragement, in the success of others. The goals of others can be thought of as demonstrating that everyone can triumph and can serve as a guide to achieving important goals.
- Understand that there is enough space in the world for everyone's happiness, including ours. If others enjoy success, expensive material possessions, or enviable personal characteristics, this does not prevent us from finding ourselves in a similar scenario. The world is big enough to host millions of successful people.
- Trust the future to find a happier place for himself in the world. We are not entirely at the mercy of the dictates of chance; working on ourselves will bear fruit, and we must find consolation and motivation in this thinking.
Why let negative feelings invade us when the world is doing well with the people we love? We do not waste time looking at others, comparing ourselves with them and depriving ourselves of value; our happiness and our luck are on the home straight, just know it and fight for it.
