While it is unpleasant to experience negative emotions, learning to accept them can offer us numerous benefits
Last update: June 21, 2020
Having negative emotions is not pleasant and sometimes it is even painful, especially when we consider that our brain tends to seek pleasure and avoid pain. In light of this, accepting negative emotions can be complicated, despite having a positive impact on our levels of well-being.
Emotions such as fear, sadness or anger (classified as negative) tend to be repressed. The problem is that this repression has physical and mental consequences in the long run. Because avoiding or rejecting them does not make them disappear, quite the opposite. Somehow they accumulate within us and generate more suffering.
Accepting negative emotions and dealing with them constructively can help us progress, achieve crucial goals in life, maintain healthy bonds with others, and most importantly, get to know each other.
"I won't tire of stressing how important it is to learn to use negative emotions for who they are, a call to action, and to commit to cultivating positive emotions."
-Tony Robbins-
Accept negative emotions without judging them
Anger, fear or sadness are emotions that are part of our daily life. Just as they tell us something about ourselves and the needs we have when we try them, they also usually cause stress or anxiety if we don't know how to manage them. This often leads us to avoid them, ignore them or even deprive them of authority.
In fact, negative emotions can be healthy for us. Managing these emotions without denying or judging them can be far better than ignoring them.
Learning to deal with negative emotions can be complex, since it requires us to face them, analyze them and reflect on what they want to convey to us. This does not mean that we must be permissive with them, but that we must learn to act, be aware of what we are feeling and why and for what purpose we feel in a certain way.
Managing negative emotions means not allowing them to invade us, but keeping them controlled without denying that we feel them.
The difference between acceptance and suffering
It is important to be aware of the the difference between accepting the negative emotions that can make us suffer and the experience of self-imposed suffering.
Acceptance is closely related to balance. Along this line, current Western culture tends to ask us to try to be happy all the time, which could be an unrealistic expectation that could harm our psychological well-being.
The balance resides in the live a life that has positivity and negativity in the right measure. The combination of both extremes can therefore help us instill calm satisfaction in our lives.
This process, however, takes its time and effort. Accepting negative emotions is not easy, as acceptance, like any other cognitive habit, is a skill that is perfected and developed over time.
"Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
-Buddha-
Strategies for dealing with negative emotions
Several strategies have been explored and recommended to accept and process negative emotions. However, there is a scientific group of approaches which is gaining great popularity. In Ceri Sims' research they are referred to as TEARS HOPE.
TEARS
- T – Teach and learn (teach and learn). This strategy consists of working self-awareness and increasing knowledge of the body and mind and how they both respond to different moods. In this way, it will be easier to understand when you are bothered and why, as well as knowing how to interpret the signals sent by the body.
- E – Express and enable sensory and emobied experiences (express and activate sensory and body experiences). This technique is based on loosening openness and curiosity from within to encourage acceptance of what happens in daily life.
- AT - Accept and befriend (accepts and becomes a friend). It is about increasing self-compassion and tolerance for frustration.
- R- Re-appraise and re-frame (evaluate again and frame again). This technique involves learning to see things differently. For this purpose, cognitive behavioral approaches can be used.
- S – Social support (social support). This strategy emphasizes trying to expand feelings of connectedness with others and self-compassion while striving to improve relationships. Meditation and mindfulness can be of great help in these cases.
(of) HOPE: (of) hope
- H – Hedonic wellbeing/happiness (hedonic well-being / happiness). Research on the subject shows that it can be good to maintain a 3 to 1 ratio of positive versus negative emotions. This means that it is important to manifest positive experiences in one's daily life, focus on happy memories and savor successes to increase the amount of time a positive mental state occupies and to try to compensate for negative emotions.
- O – Observe and attend to (observe and deal with it). This technique focuses on practicing full attention and invites not to pay so much attention to things that aren't really important.
- P- Physiology and behavioral changes (physiology and changes of conduct). In most cases, it is productive to focus on relaxation, breathing exercises and self-care.
- E- Eudaimonia. It refers to a sense of authenticity and the struggle for personal goals in life.
Accepting negative emotions helps you feel better
Most mental health professionals agree on the idea that accepting negative emotions without judging them can be one of the best ways to improve general psychological well-being. Psychologists, in this regard, usually recommend trying them to manage them.
An important strategy to improve emotional well-being is therefore rooted inaccept, in the first place, that one is fighting against negative emotions. In this regard, Iris Mauss, associate professor of psychology at UC Berkeley University, explains that "people who habitually accept their negative emotions experience less this type of emotion, which equates to better psychological health".
Furthermore, according to various studies, people who tend to feel less bothered by negative feelings they experience may have higher levels of well-being than those used to taking back themselves.
As we see, accepting negative emotions and working on them is essential to savor well-being.
