“On any given evening, some villagers saw an elderly woman who was looking for something in front of her hut. Some people approached to try to help her.
- What have you lost?
"My needle," he replied.
Everyone started looking with her but after a while, someone asked him:
- The road is very wide and the needle is very small, can you tell us more or less where you fell?
"Inside my house," said the old woman.
People looked at her in amazement. Some even got angry.
- Are you crazy? Why are you looking for the needle in the street if you dropped it in your house?
The old woman replied:
- Because there is no light in the house.
- Then it would be better to look for a lamp and look inside.
The old woman laughed and said:
- Are you very smart in little things, when will you use this intelligence for your life? "
We often behave irrationally without realizing it, as the older woman in this story says. And continuing in this way leads us to a dead end where only frustration awaits us.
One of these illogical behaviors, and probably one of the most common, is to seek happiness in the same place where we lost it, as if it were a needle or a physical object.
Why do we seek happiness where we cannot find it?
- Fear of leaving the comfort zone. The comfort zone is the space in which we feel relatively comfortable. It does not always mean that it is a safe space, but only a known one. Therefore, the comfort zone gives us a false sense of security, because in reality it only serves to avoid uncertainties, because we already know what can happen in the future, even if it is negative. In fact, many people get used to living in toxic comfort zones that damage their physical and emotional health. Yet, the fear of uncertainty makes them stay within that area and therefore, they perpetuate negative behaviors and attitudes.
- Attachment to habits. Habits give us security, they give order to our world. That is why we cling to them, even if they are negative. In fact, giving up a bad habit is complicated, as in the case of smoking, not because of the physical addiction that nicotine can generate, but because of the habits we have built around the cigarette. In interpersonal relationships the same thing happens, we attach to them and the habits that surround them, even if they are negative. In these cases, it is not a question of love for the person, but of emotional dependence on the routine built up with them.
- Lack of self-knowledge. Circumstances in life are changing us, so if you don't "refresh" your "me" constantly, suddenly one day you may find that the person in you is a stranger. For this new person, your old habits, illusions and constraints are either not adequate or no longer sufficient, but if you don't do an exercise in introspection you will never know and you will be trapped in a negative cycle of dissatisfaction.
Why is it nearly impossible for you to find happiness where you lost it?
The answer is simple: because happiness is no longer there. And since happiness is basically an inner state, it means that you are no longer the same person and you will not return to feeling just as full and satisfied with what made you happy in the past.
The first sign usually comes when you realize that the things that previously motivated you no longer do. Some people decide to explore new horizons in search of those sensations that made them feel alive while others transform into a hamster running frantically on the wheel in hopes of meeting some satisfaction.
However, when a relationship has deteriorated to the point that it doesn't make you happier, when a job fills you with disgust or when a place is no longer a source of inspiration and discovery, it's time to pack your suitcase and get traveling in search of something new.
This can be caused by two factors: Circumstances have changed so much that they don't make you happier or you have changed so much that, even if the circumstances are the same, they don't bring you happiness.
In the first case, one might wonder if something can be done to make these circumstances become ideal again. But you have to be careful not to deceive yourself, because when things degenerate they leave marks inside us and change us, so even if the circumstances become perfect again it is likely that for you they are not anymore.
A classic example is infidelity in the couple. To forgive her and be happy again it is not enough for that person to return to being faithful, it is important that you make sure that the experience has not left too painful an imprint on you that prevents you from being happy.
Therefore, it is almost impossible to find happiness in the same place where you lost it and you will have to prepare yourself to explore new horizons, both inside and outside of you. After all, happiness is also research, surprise, curiosity and discovery.
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