Last update: 21 September, 2022
The lack of passion in the couple is one of the main causes of dissatisfaction in the world of relationships. Finding a person to be with can be difficult, but it is even more difficult to maintain a healthy and lasting relationship. More and more psychologists are concerned with studying a solution for this problem.
In this article we will see how the lack of passion changes the couple relationship and what to do to counter this situation. The first important thing is to understand why it is born and what function passion has in the couple.
What is passion exactly?
Passion is considered to be a feeling that leads us to feel attraction and excitement towards a person. It is considered one of the three fundamental components of relationships. According to Sternberg's triangular theory, feeling passion for your partner is a prerequisite for developing complete love.
Where does this feeling arise? What is its function? The most accepted explanation to date is the one given to us by evolutionary psychology. According to this discipline, to understand our emotions, we must trace their function back to the dawn of the human species.
Passion was used by our ancestors to ensure reproduction. When a couple was formed, the two members felt a desire so strong that they always wanted to mate. Once the children were born, this emotion no longer had a reason to exist.
The lack of passion in the couple: evolutionary origin
If we look at what happens with today's couples, it is easy to see a correlation with the model just described. When two people start dating, they go through what is called limerence. During this phase, two people feel immeasurable attraction for each other. In the brain, all types of neurotransmitters are secreted and passion reaches its peak.
However, as the relationship progresses, this initial energy is extinguished and the passion is reduced. The other two factors (commitment and intimacy) take on greater prominence, while sexual desire gradually fades away.
But there is more. Some research has shown that intimacy and passion are to some extent incompatible. Oxytocin, the main hormone that strengthens the love bond, is also responsible for reducing the sexual desire that members of the couple feel for each other.
The lack of passion in the couple over time is absolutely normal. The human being was not born, in evolutionary terms, to maintain a single relationship throughout life. Does this mean that it is impossible to do so? According to some experts such as Helen Fisher, this is not necessarily the case.
How to recover the passion in the couple
Our biology does not help us keep sexual desire alive in a stable relationship. Once the limerence is over, the initial magic slowly fades. However, there are other factors that can help us when the lack of passion has already settled in the couple. Let's see some of them.
1. Share strong emotions
Dozens of researches have shown that living intense experiences can awaken the passion for your partner. Thus, extreme sports, a getaway to an amusement park, or even watching a horror movie can serve to increase sexual desire that begins to falter.
2. Continuously improve
When we find a partner, we often let ourselves go a little bit: we no longer try to be as attractive to the other person as possible. Fortunately, it is easy to fix it.
If you want to overcome the lack of passion in the couple, one of the most effective solutions is to work to improve yourself. Among the various options you can join the gym, work on your social skills or your charisma.
3. Maintain your independence
To avoid some of the more damaging effects of oxytocin on passion, the two members must maintain their independence. Everyone likes to spend time with their partner, however doing everything together is the fastest way to accelerate the fading of passion.
If you have noticed that passion is waning in your relationship, start taking time out for yourself. By regaining some independence, it will increase your self-esteem and prompt your partner to look at you differently.
Maintaining the passion in a long-term relationship it is difficult, but not impossible. With the three tips we have given you, you can initiate useful changes, but don't hesitate to try other methods that you think will work. After all, this process must be faced together.
