Emotional connections are the most enjoyable part of our relational world. Thanks to them, love, intimacy, friendship or any thread that binds two people on a deep level are possible.
Last update: December 05, 2020
We are social beings. Autonomous and independent, but social. Tireless, but emotional thinkers. We need and depend on others. Our life is therefore based on a dense network of emotional connections.
Our society reflects these needs: we place our trust in doctors when we are sick and in mechanics if the car breaks down. We can't know everything and in many cases we don't have the time to learn. We are confident that the company will provide us with resources and tools to solve our problems. However, in emotional connections, the chords are a bit different.
This because we pay each other with the same currency we receive. It has to be, otherwise the connection is broken or not created. What is most surprising is that we learn to play this game skillfully from an early age.
Two little brothers are watching tv. The youngest is not old enough to understand everything that moves on the screen, but he imitates his brother in laughter or expressions of surprise.
Somehow, magical and authentic, most of us are born with this pre-installed program, intrinsically human, waiting for the conditions that make it start. It can also be a drawing, a bike ride or a good lunch.
"The human being learns everything he knows about emotions through his relationships."
– Ramon Riera and Alibés –
Trust, intimacy, love and relationships
The emotional connection gives practical sense to empathy, it is the playing field where the ability to put yourself in the other person's shoes bears fruit. This coincidence of emission frequencies allows us to console ourselves in the face of a loss in a unique and personal way, although below are known models.
In this playground, the other becomes a particular individual to adapt to, in the same way that the other adapts to us. Let's talk about the space where the most intimate and profound emotional exchange takes place, the exact place where many couples initiate their demotion or destruction.
Away from the emotional connection, contempt, distance, destructive criticism or indifference appear. Outside of this bubble, routine imposes its boredom, while habits, rather than generate security, serve boredom, a feeling of suffocation and emptiness on the plate.
At the same time, it is an antidote to hatred and an obstacle to selfishness, the kryptonite that does not make them grow. Because disagreements or quarrels find in this connection a space for encounter. And the difference also becomes a precious asset to learn and build.
Currently, however, we are witnessing a severe famine: many people today are looking for a partner as if they were choosing a TV series; looking at the cover and the plot.
Thanks to cell phones, we all have access to one showcase of people. We have the opportunity to "put human beings in the shopping cart" while we follow the thread of family conversation or among our roommates. A meeting can be the beginning of this connection, but we can also save ourselves the trouble of feeding it, strengthened by the certainty that we still have many options to evaluate.
Strategies for generating and protecting emotional connections
- Be patient. Emotional connection is like a stew - it takes time. On the other hand, when we run out of patience, it is because our anxiety has reached a peak of high intensity. The same strategies that can help us stay calm also help us be more patient.
- Making demands, not needs. The freedom to give takes care of the connection and prevents the obligation or agreements from stagnating what needs to flow.
- Protect the connection from conflict. Saying what you think does not mean hurting the other. You make proposals to improve, not to try to change it.
- Anticipate sometimes. Nobody is able to read the minds of others, but intuitions exist. If you sense that your partner has had a bad day, you could prepare a tasty dinner. Demonstrating the emotional connection between you is a reinforcement to it.
Conclusions
Taking care of a valuable asset is never an easy task. Emotional connections, by their nature, follow the same rule.
But here's the good news: it's in our hands to decide that we really want to get to know people, instead of saving the photos we like and discarding the ones we don't like. Simplification, in this case, is the complete opposite of enrichment.
Why is emotional connection so important to humans? One of the experiences that most attracts us is having that feeling of "I feel you feel what I feel".
– Ramon Riera and Alibés –
