People often arrive in the psychologist's office who say they hate someone or feel a grudge towards the ex-partner, the child or the parent who abandoned them, the politicians, the priests, the foreigners ... well, the list of people who you can hate it is practically infinite.
Many times these people have a well-founded reason to hate a person, in one way or another, they have felt abandoned or deceived and this has aroused a strong negative feeling in them. It is curious that they think that their hatred makes the other feel bad. They don't realize that they are only harming themselves.
Hate and resentment are two deep feelings that when they are deeply rooted end up damaging our mind and also the organism. Because all the negative feelings we experience, especially if nurtured for years, end up haunting us causing us a lot
suffering.
Hate and resentment, ultimately, are a deep resentment towards someone and are based on the need to say something that one has never been able to express (or at least not with the desired intensity). The person, in a certain sense, is disappointed and generates in his mind a series of negative ideas towards the person who is the object of his hatred.
Over time, these ideas become more and more intense and can cause many problems, from anxiety to psychosomatic illness (in fact, there are also schools of thought that argue that deep hatred is one of the causes of cancer, but this has not yet been scientifically proven).
One way or another, the truth is that living a life filled with hatred and resentment is like continually carrying a heavy burden on your shoulders. So, in addition to negative feelings, we also deny ourselves the possibility of being happy.
In short, however you look at it, these feelings generate nothing positive. So it's best to work on them carefully to remove them permanently.
How to eliminate hatred and resentment?
1. Talk to the person who offended you and tell them how you felt
In case you can't do this, you can use the empty chair technique. Basically, you stand in front of a chair on which you imagine the person who is the object of your hatred is sitting. Tell him what you think. I assure you that this is a very high cathartic power technique, you will feel much better when you are done.
2. Accept imperfection
Both individuals and organizations of all kinds are imperfect, and are not always able to meet all your needs and expectations. It is important to be aware of this and to learn to live with this fact.
3. Don't turn yourself into a judge
Behind hatred and resentment there are almost always the judgment and the feeling of being better than the other person (the one who made the mistake). In fact, each of us is different. Learning to judge only ourselves instead of living as a judge will not only help us eliminate these negative feelings, but will also make us much happier.
4. Accept that everything changes sooner or later
The world is constantly changing and people with it. Perhaps you have not noticed that that person has changed, because you are too immersed in the image you have made of him / her that you do not realize that this no longer corresponds to reality.
5. Learn to let it go
We can experience many things in life that we consider unfair. Sometimes, however you look at it, it is difficult to find the positive side to what we have experienced. In these cases, it is better to let it go instead of being consumed by bitterness and hatred.
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