Hidden anger often arises from disappointments, unprocessed trauma, and unforeseen unfortunate events that dot an individual's life. All this, if not properly managed, gives the subject a bad mood and a discomfort that end up being somatized.
Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
Hidden anger, silenced and swallowed by force, can affect our personality. The disappointments experienced, the failures, the damage suffered and not managed, the broken dreams and every fall in the path of life leave a mark in us that often turns into anger. Failure to manage these internal realities brings with it constant discomfort.
Anger is one of the least known emotions of a large part of the population. It is often associated with those explosions in which the dark side of the human being emerges, and where we end up saying or doing things that we later regret. Well, the most significant aspect in this regard is that in most cases anger does not emerge, does not manifest itself, but hides and lurks beneath the surface.
Furthermore, this emotion brings with it a quantitative problem; that is, the more it accumulates, the more it generates psychological distress. Hidden anger doesn't translate into a perpetually angry face or someone walking around shoving, yelling, or responding inappropriately. This emotion it generates anguish, fatigue, results in bad mood, anxiety and, in many cases, even in a depressive disorder.
"Anger is the bodyguard of sadness."
-Liza Palmer-
Hidden anger, a hidden emotion that we don't pay attention to
It might be surprising, but the human being can practically live his entire existence hiding his anger. For example, suffering from parental abandonment or abuse can in many cases be the root of a personality-shaping problem.
Anger, after all, is nothing more than the combination of different emotions that form a heavy burden carried more or less over time. It includes sadness, a feeling of injustice, anguish and often even fear. The fear that certain things may re-emerge and the fear of feeling vulnerable again. All this, catalyzed by anger, turns into a shapeless and lasting malaise that takes up all the space and at the same time obscures it.
Anger, fury, rage, rage, aggression, tension, loss of control… These are the first terms that come to mind when thinking about anger. Reconnecting it to these terms is not wrong, but the truth is that most people don't react like that at all when they experience the emotion in question.
Dr. Thomas Denson of the University of Michigan (United States) explains in his study that there are several ways to experience anger. There are those who express it and those who silence it, carrying it within themselves in a hidden way. The latter, characterized by hidden anger, tend to feed it through ruminant thinking. And this ends up having a negative impact on behavior and personality.
What are the characteristics of hidden anger?
Having experienced several love disappointments. Having experienced betrayal by a close person or family member. Not having achieved an important goal for personal fulfillment. All these realities are among the examples at the origin of the feeling of hidden anger that many feel.
Let's see what are the most common signs:
- General distrust and an obvious difficulty in trusting others.
- Sarcastic, cynical, often frivolous behaviors and reactions.
- Constant mood swings
- Tendency to procrastinate. Fulfilling their duties is extremely difficult for them.
- Irritability.
- Difficulty enjoying moments of leisure.
- Insomnia, nightmares, constant awakenings.
- Physical and mental exhaustion.
How can you manage anger?
Anger management books or articles often approach the topic with a partial approach, especially when dealing with hidden anger. To work on this emotion, it is not enough to practice relaxation exercises or look for a means of expression. These techniques help, but do not solve the root problem.
The best approach is one that takes into account the following aspects:
The vulnerability
To manage hidden anger, you have to go to the root of the problem and in most cases it is the feeling of vulnerability.. When you feel devalued, betrayed, when you experience injustices, when you feel frustrated or angry with something or someone, that's when anger appears. First, therefore, we must clarify its origin.
Self-esteem
The second step is to work on self-esteem. It will not always be possible to resolve the problems that have given rise to the hidden anger. It will therefore be necessary to work on oneself to restore dignity, worth, human potential and self-appreciation.
More useful thoughts
Hidden anger has great power over ruminant thinking. Our mind is always focused on that specific pain, that disappointment, that fact of the past. This approach often blurs judgment and leads to extreme psychological wear. Therefore, careful, useful and healthy work on interior dialogue is necessary.
Work on integrating hidden anger without feeding it
Anger is a fire that feeds our thoughts day in and day out. We intensify it with stillness, with procrastination and with a mind always focused on the facts of the past. If we really want to integrate and heal hidden anger, we need to let go of the burden we still have in the past and allow ourselves to move forward as we heal the wounds.
It is possible to achieve this by setting future goals, encouraging change, getting involved in areas where one feels competent and in which to make new positive acquaintances. Sometimes it is necessary to start all over again to leave behind those burdens that did not allow us to breathe.
