Is there a rule that explains how to live happily? Today I will reveal even 7 of them, explaining how you can apply them immediately and where to deepen them all:
- Aren't we happy? Here's where the problem lies!
- First rule: Become a proactive person.
- Second rule: Start from the end.
- Third rule: Set your priorities, but the right ones!
- Fourth rule: Start winning and letting you win.
- Fifth rule: First you have to understand, then make yourself understood.
- Sixth rule: Synergy, union and interdependence.
- Seventh rule: Sharpen the blade, conclusions to live happily.
The 7 Rules to Succeed is the book I will use as a map in this guide.
You will soon know what are the rules to live happily and you will also know if this book is worth your time and money.
Get ready, because this is a practical guide, so you'll have a lot to do.
Let's go immediately!
How to live happily: where the 7 rules to be successful are born
According to Stephen Covey, the author of the book, the underlying problem for each of us is the ethics of personality.
What does it mean?
Simply that today we give importance to behaviors, attitudes to the image and not to the principles we follow in life.
So it becomes more important what we do, or how we communicate with others, of who we really are.
The ethical character leads us to think that there are fundamental principles […] and that people can achieve real success and lasting happiness if they integrate these principles into their character.
The secret to a happy life, therefore, is work on your character, about who you are and not about behavior or external aspects.
While we're at it, to warm up your engines, also read the guide in which I explain how to change your character in 30 days.
What does Covey suggest?
He says some changes in perspective are needed, that is you have to change the way you look at life.
There is a very interesting game in the book, linked to images, and unfortunately I cannot show it to you here.
If you read The 7 rules to be successful it will be useful for you to understand how subjective our vision of the world can be.
In fact we see the world not as it is, but as we are, as we are conditioned to see it.
To understand how to live happily we must first realize that the work must start from the inside.
You have to change if you want to transform your life.
The problems are not outside of you, it is not what others do that gets you in trouble.
For this Covey argues the importance of character: if you change, everything changes because you face it, live it and think about it differently.
The 7 rules that I am about to show you are used to change you, then to interact better with others and to make this improvement continuous.
Imagine puncturing a wheel while you are in the open countryside, and you have no one to ask for help.
Do you think getting angry will fix the wheel?
Obviously not.
Of course, if you stay calm, or calm, the wheel still needs to be fixed.
Changing you, however, you will be able to deal with a real problem in the best way.
That's why a happy life starts from within you, and each of the first three rules tells you how to positively revolutionize your life.
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First rule: become a proactive person
Covey tells the story of Victor Frankl, a psychologist of Jewish origin who experienced the Nazi concentration camps during World War II.
You can read the details of this story in the book, we are interested in the conclusion we arrive at: that it exists, between what happens to you and your reactions, a space.
In this space he resides our power to make choices and decisions.
Basically there are three theories of what our life decides:
- Genetic determinism: you are what your parents handed down to you, at the DNA level, and you can do little, or rather nothing, to change.
- Psychic Determinism: you are what your parents did in your childhood, their fears, their behavior established who you are. Here, too, you can change little.
- Environmental determinism: you are the fruit of the society you live in, of your colleagues, relatives, friends, in short, once again it all depends on the outside.
Even if everyone keeps telling us, on television, in the spaces dedicated to experts, that we are conditioned by the past and by the choices of others, know that it is not true.
To understand it better, I suggest a resource I wrote to explain what freedom is. Read it now.
Indeed there is a space between every stimulus you experience and every response you give.
- Between the rude behavior and your reaction.
- Between the negative answer and the disappointment.
- Between your success and your joy.
- Between the words you hear and your gratitude.
This space allows you to choose and be master, or mistress, of your life.
[…] We are responsible for our life. Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not of the conditions in which we live.
Proactivity means use this space and decide how to react.
Nothing has the power to control you, nobody can.
I advise you to read an in-depth study right away in which I explain what emotional independence is, so you will understand what enormous power you have over your life.
Basically it is you who choose what to feel and how to react in each situation.
Understanding this means working to increase the size of that space.
The greater the gap between the things that happen to you and your reactions, the more you have a choice of what to do.
To do this, I have created a guide that explains how to use this space to learn how to manage negative emotions and turn them into positive.
But proactivity allows us to understand how to live happily even by going to work on the things that are in our power.
There are things that involve us, that can arouse emotions in us and that often tend to condition us.
Then there are others, less obviously, that we can influence.
The rain involves you when you plan a beach vacation, and you can't influence it.
But you can decide for an alternative destination, or to postpone the beach holiday and go to the cinema or museum.
Covey insists on the importance of working on what you can influence, that is act on the things you can change and modify.
It is obvious that whatever you do, the rain is out of control for you!
Instead of complaining about a problem, think about what you can do, focus on the things you can directly influence, and take action.
The more you do what you can, the more you intervene on all the facts that you can change, the more your ability to control your life, and to choose, grows, increases.
In practice your ability to affect the reality that surrounds you becomes ever greater, instead of undergoing it, only, as we usually do.
This is the secret of the first rule: realize that you decide your every reaction and do what you can, act thinking about what you can change.
No excuses, complaints or recriminations - take action and work on what is in your power.
Second rule: start from the end
Now that you know you can change everything by changing yourself, or yourself, you have to start from the end.
Basically you have to have it clear in mind where do you intend to go, what is your destination, otherwise you will never reach it.
Starting with the end thinking means starting with a clear understanding of our destination. […] Know where we are headed and understand if our steps are always in the right direction.
Of course, if you don't know where you are going, how do you know if the road you are on is the right one?
What you need to do is understand where you are going, what the destination is and of course this leads us to a fundamental question: how do i choose this destination?
The secret is to realize that you want to be happy and you will go, always and in any case, in the direction that will give you this happiness.
The gist of the second rule is to define it, understanding what will really make you happy.
The first thing to do, therefore, is to understand what happiness is, otherwise it becomes difficult to give it a shape.
So what you have to do is figure out how to get there, what will make you happy.
Whatever answer you choose, it will become for you the center of your life, the most important thing.
Being therefore your goal, it determines your choices, the direction you follow, the strength with which you live every challenge.
In short, it all depends on this answer.
Do you obviously realize how important it is?
Well, to help you understand what the right answer is and how to find it, I have created a resource that I believe is fundamental.
Probably one of the most valuable on the site, explaining what will make you happy.
It all starts here.
In my experience I guarantee you that 100% of the problems are due to only two reasons:
- You found the wrong answer, because what you consider most important to you will never make you happy.
- You have found the right answer but you live it and follow it the wrong way.
I assure you that all your problems fall into one of these two reasons.
There is nothing more.
Even if we like to find causes of our unhappiness in everything and everyone.
In the book, you can read many examples to understand how the things that you believe are a source of happiness affect your life.
Covey takes into account family, friends, work, partner, church, success, objects and much more, to make you think.
The second rule, therefore, tells you that you need to know what to prioritize in your life.
If the first one has shown you that everything depends on you, this one tells you that you choose where to go.
If the choice is right, you are almost there, or there.
The next point is to understand how to go this route, that is, how to organize yourself during the trip.
Does it make sense to continue your relationship as a couple?
Answer my test questions to find out.
It will allow you to understand if your relationship has the characteristics to last or not.
Third rule: Set your priorities, but the right ones!
Some of the things you do every day are urgent.
You can't postpone them and you have to deal with them right away.
Others are import anti, that is, they allow you to reach your destination.
What you have discovered is the source of your happiness.
The secret is to give the right priorities, that is prioritize the important things before they become urgent (and leave you no alternatives!).
You can put out a fire that is destroying your home by calling the fire brigade, but if you put out the burning paper in the garbage, wouldn't that be better?
When we let ourselves be guided by urgent things, we are firefighters: we always arrive late, just to contain the damage.
If you start, however, a always do the things that matter, at the right time, of urgent activities you will have less and less.
Usually, in fact, we are always busy with a thousand commitments, completely mandatory, and things that are really important, but not urgent, are postponed.
This is one of the best ways to complicate your life.
Covey suggests doing three simple things:
- Identify the roles you play in your life. Teacher, husband, girlfriend, brother, friend, parent.
- Set goals for each role.
- Plan what you will do in the next few days for each goal, based on your roles.
Obviously consider that the important activities are the ones that allow you to achieve the real goal, that is, the final destination.
The second rule, helping you understand what needs to be prioritized in your life, defined where you are going.
This third tells you how to organize yourself so as not to waste energy on things of little value.
And when you can't postpone and have to do a lot of work?
Well, the time comes leave some tasks to others, that is, delegate.
Basically you have to entrust the power to others, give them the responsibility of a task and certainly not remote control other people.
It takes trust, so start reading what I've written on the subject right away and you'll find that trust is good.
To delegate, here are the steps that Covey suggests:
- Make it clear what results you expect. Don't take anything for granted and be very specific, or precise, in indicating your final goals.
- Give some guidelines, explains what are the limits within which the other must move.
- Give all the necessary resources, even your help if needed, so that the other can succeed without problems.
- Determine how to evaluate the results, so that everyone knows how their work will be judged, establishing clear criteria.
- Define the consequences. What will happen, in essence, depending on the final results.
I add a couple of tips.
- Don't force anyone to help you, even if you have the power.
- Delegation is something you do in any situation where you entrust a task to others, don't feel entitled to command them anyway.
- Get people involved, let them participate in the definition of objectives or resources, in short, work with them and do not care about others.
- Never put results before people. They, always remember, are much more important.
You need to act, decide where to go, and prioritize your priorities to do what really matters first.
If you take responsibility for your life, find out what matters and work on it every day giving priority to the important things, you are already changing everything.
At this point it is time to reveal yourself the three rules on relationships with others.
Fourth rule: start winning and letting you win
Covey gives a very nice example by comparing our bank account reports.
Every gesture of love and respect is a payment.
Every rudeness, every distraction or demand, a withdrawal.
Basically you can make mistakes the more you know how to be positive, or positive, with others.
While if you don't act with love or understanding, you won't have enough credit when you go wrong.
And we both know that it will happen!
Here are some examples of shedding you might start using in your relationships with others:
- Understanding the other person, that is, understanding his priorities, what he really cares about, what he genuinely fights for.
- Take care of the little things, that is kindness and courtesies that often make the difference and are more often overlooked because they are trivial or obvious.
- Keeping commitments, when you do what you said to do and show that you can keep a promise.
- Sincerely apologize when you're wrong, when you lack respect, don't understand, or behave with little attention towards the weaknesses or needs of the other.
You can find other deposits of deposits, with examples and insights, by reading the book.
These are other interesting ideas and tips that will come in very handy.
Only if you understand that your relationships depend on your ability to give can you begin to create positive ones.
Before starting with the heart of the three rules on relationships with others, consider that it all depends on love.
After all, when you love you pour into the account, when you don't love, you are withdrawing.
Learning to love is a guide that I consider indispensable and I advise you to read immediately.
You will find that you can make huge payouts, with little.
And remember that that payment isn't just for the other person, because when you love yourself, or yourself, you begin to feel good.
If you really want to realize this, find out how loving yourself can be simple and fun.
Let's move on to the heart of the fourth rule: think win / win.
The gist is this: it makes no sense that you will win if others lose.
You don't need to be successful if your helpers have problems.
It's not okay to have won in an argument if the other feels belittled.
You have to win by making others win.
By the way, what is success really, if you seek it without caring for others, it's probably not clear to you.
I wrote about it in a resource also dedicated to motivation, which is the secret of true success.
Read it.
It is obvious that when you win and they lose, they will mostly feel envy, annoyance or resentment.
It works today and maybe tomorrow, but people, like you, don't like to lose, and if you don't know how to make them win together with you, they won't continue to help you.
If, on the other hand, your triumphs, small or large, are theirs, then your union is strengthened and they will like to win with you.
Here are three tips from Covey:
- Consistency with what is most important to you, with your direction, always and in any situation.
- Maturity, that is, having a strong balance between the courage to express who you are, your beliefs and respect and consideration for those of others, which do not come after yours, but are just as important.
- Mentality of abundance, that is, not having the idea that someone has to lose for you to win, but starting to think that everyone can win.
Instead of trying to impose your ideas, or compromise that result in a partial defeat of all, you have to believe in the agreements.
A solution that is excellent for everyone, where you both win and where, above all, you refuse to win if it means losing those close to you.
Effective communication will help you a lot in this.
With the next rule we talk about it better, but the guide I just linked to you can't miss it!
Fifth rule: First you have to understand, then make yourself understood
The real problem in our relationships is that we do not understand others and then we are unable to make ourselves understood.
The trouble is, as Covey explains, we listen in an autobiographical way.
- We evaluate: we agree or disagree.
- We inquire: we ask questions starting from our way of seeing things.
- Recommend: We provide advice based on our experience.
- We interpret: we try to target others, to explain their motivations, their behavior, on the basis of our motivations and our behavior.
In other words we are always the center of our attention.
Instead, you have to understand others first.
To do this, listen and then reformulate.
When someone talks to you, instead of assuming that they understand, repeat in your own words what he said, asking him if you're not misrepresenting his ideas.
Only if this person really meant what you understand, can you respond.
Basically you must first check if you have understood or just interpreted it in your own way, and then make yourself understood by saying what you think.
For this there are three elements that as the basis of good communication.
- Ethos, that is your credibility or how much people really trust you and think you are on their side.
- Pathos, your ability to understand emotions of others and empathize with them emotionally.
- Logos, how good, or good, are you at communicating your ideas, to talk to convey what you think, who you are.
To improve the trust others have in you, I suggest a guide that tells you just how to help others live a happy life.
Often your good intentions, in fact, may not be appreciated or accepted by others.
On emotions I suggest a guide that will make you understand them thoroughly, and explains how to manage negative emotions and turn them into positive.
On communication, read the resource I suggested earlier, you will discover another book not to be missed.
The essence of this rule is to always seek, first of all, the understanding of others.
For example:
- What are the reasons why they do what they do?
- What is hiding, or could be hiding behind their words?
- Are they aggressive? Well, why might they attack you to defend themselves?
- What do they care about, what do they really care about?
From today stop judging what others think, what they do and try to understand their motives.
It is not a question of whether they are wrong or not.
If you want to help and interact with them in a positive way you must first really understand them.
You are not competing: either you win together, or you will lose together.
Listen, silently, ask questions and don't give orders, ask and don't criticize.
Always put yourself in the shoes of others, this is the only way to win together.
Sixth rule: Synergy, union and interdependence
Appreciating differences is the essence of synergy […] all human beings see the world not as it is, but as they are.
This means learning to understand that there doesn't necessarily have to be a better point of view, coincidentally yours, but two different.
We always think of observing reality objectively, but this practically never happens.
We are always conditioned by our experiences, visions, ideas, beliefs, but we arrogate to ourselves the ability to see better than everyone else.
Synergy means look for a third alternative.
Covey gives an example:
A wife and husband come to quarrel because of their different points of view.
He wants to go on vacation with his children, a vacation planned for some time, while she has just learned that her mother is ill and would like to visit her.
The problem arises because everyone sees the situation from their own point of view, ignoring and not understanding the other.
Synergy means going in search of an alternative, a solution that does not penalize everyone a bit, but that is totally advantageous and positive for both.
If you want to know how the two protagonists of Covey's story resolved the issue, you just have to read the book 😉
The sixth rule wants to push you not to see things from your own point of view, but to understand that of others.
In other words, here's what to do:
- Forget how you see thingsInstead, try to understand each other's goals, what you want to achieve, and what the other person wants.
- Start coming up with ideas how you can both get what you want by collaborating, working on it together.
- Consider the various possibilities and don't choose the one that penalizes you the least, but rather the one that suits both of you, that totally satisfies you.
Having different views is a problem only if you want to impose your own on others.
Otherwise, multiple points of view can lead to new and perhaps better ideas and solutions than yours.
Synergy means this: seek a third way, where both, without uncertainty, win.
Since I've written a guide to explain how to be confident and solve any problem, I think it's the right time to read it.
So we come to the last rule, the seventh
Discover the 5 Steps to Living INTENSIVELY a life Full of Emotions and Find You Well and in Balance in Every Situation (without Feeling Bad anymore) Training Your "Emotional Independence”, Even If You Don't Believe That Things Enough May they Be Different ...
... If You Don't Trust Yours Capacity or Yours Character It Doesn't Help You!
Seventh rule: sharpen the blade and last tips to live happily
Before explaining how to sharpen the blade, let's briefly see the six rules that explain us how to live happily:
- You are responsible for your life, you decide how to react to each situation and you have to focus on what you can change and influence.
- Start from the end, find out what really deserves to be the priority in your life, what really can give you the happiness you want (read this guide, please!).
- Prioritize the important things, to those who count to achieve this goal and delegates the rest.
- Win by involving others in this victory, be yours. Learn to give the same importance to others as you do to yourself.
- First try to understand others, without interpreting their ideas in your own way, and then make yourself understood, gaining their trust and communicating with clarity and transparency.
- Don't think you are right while others are wrong. They are all points of view, you are always looking for the best solution for everyone.
What does it mean to sharpen the blade?
It means recharge the batteries, find the energy to put these six rules into practice every day.
How to live happily if we don't have the strength to do so?
Covey suggests 4 levels:
- Physical dimension, through exercises and sports to train breathing and muscles.
- Spiritual dimension, discovering the right way to develop yours. I suggest you this resource that I wrote on spirituality, to start orienting you.
- Mental dimension, that is, developing a personal awareness (read also this guide!) and learning to confront without prejudice, reading a lot (here you will find some ideas) and reflecting a lot.
- Social / emotional dimension, learning every day to apply rules 4, 5 and 6, learning to communicate better to create sincere and love-based relationships.
The gist of this seventh rule lies in a positive spiral that you can create.
To keep progressing we must learn, commit and do, learn, commit and do, and then learn, commit and do again.
Here we are, we have finished the journey and you know what these keys are to live happily.
But I want to finish by offering you a final guide that collects some fundamental elements that I have personally experienced, beyond Covey's book: how to be happy whatever happens.
I have seen and felt that happiness it does not depend on anyone or anything, and I want you to find out what his secret is.
Obviously I invite you to read Covey's book, for me it was enlightening on many fundamental aspects.
I don't agree with every word, but I believe it is a reading we should all do.
