Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: July 25, 2022
Not being able to cry is more common than we think. There are many people who after a bereavement, for example, are unable to vent their pain through crying. Crying is part of pain and is essential to overcome misfortunes and trauma; a physiological relief with which to release tension and stress.
People who do not cry often tend to believe that they have a cold and impassive personality. A sort of alexithymia whereby not only are you unable to understand your emotions, but also to express them verbally.
However, the two are not always related. Tears are more than just salt water, they eliminate conflict and even release toxic chemicals.
We must therefore understand a first aspect: not being able to cry is not synonymous with coldness, it actually responds to a block, a psychological dimension that can depend on a complex emotional background and even a hidden depression.
"Why can't I cry?" is one of the most common questions. Often it is due to an emotional block.
Not being able to cry, why?
The first step is to rule out physiological disorders. Often low energy, poor motivation, discomfort and insomnia can cause thyroid disease. Before assuming that depression is the reason you can't cry, it's best to seek medical attention.
The need to cry is part of emotional relief, as well as a way to channel stress and tension. But what happens if we feel this desire, but the crying does not manifest itself?
There is no more reason to cry than not to be able to cry.
-Seneca-
Autoimmune diseases
It is interesting to know that they are there people who cannot cry due to an illness. They do not repress their feelings, but the cause is physiological.
Specifically, an autoimmune disease that causes dry eyes, making it almost impossible to produce tears. We refer to Sjögren's syndrome.
The first symptoms of this pathology appear around the age of 35 or 40. Likewise, it is common for it to appear with other autoimmune diseases such as lupus or rheumatoid arthritis.
Tears as part of mourning
We must be clear that not all people are the same nor do they handle problems in the same way. Everyone has different reaction times and processes their reality in a certain way.
There will be those who vent their emotions quickly and spontaneously and those who, on the other hand, will need more time. There is nothing pathological about someone who starts mourning later, in those who, by character or education, are more reluctant to shed tears.
Sooner or later it will happen, often it takes a stimulus to facilitate the aforementioned reaction. It can be a photograph, a song, a landscape, a specific situation, etc.
If we feel anxiety or uncertainty and have not yet rationalized the situation, tears may not show up. But that will depend on the individual person.
Sensitive personalities often resort to crying as an adequate relief mechanism. Profiles with more need for self-control or a simple need to rationalize every aspect of their life will take longer.
We said it at the beginning: tears are not just salt water. They contain different chemicals and various hormones that will be released in due course.
Not being able to cry and feel nothing: melancholy depression
In some cases it is not possible to cry because, in general, the person does not hear anything. There are individuals unable to feel joy or sadness, nothing attracts their interest and life is little more than a fabric devoid of color, shape and texture. They are suspended in the limbo of nothingness, of the most absolute emotional neutrality.
What is this state due to? In most cases it is a profound depression. A very serious condition that requires psychological attention and drug treatment. In these cases, the brain is deficient in neurotransmitters such as dopamine or serotonin.
There is also another important fact that we cannot ignore. Sometimes when we declare we can't cry it doesn't mean we've reached a point where we don't feel anything.
In reality it is the opposite: we have heard and we feel too much. This excess results in an absolute block, in a disconnection in which the world and ourselves appear slowed down.
Not being able to cry: the social function of tears
In addition to the factors already listed, another element can be decisive: social pressure and the idea that tears are synonymous with personal fragility.
Crying doesn't mean being weak or vulnerable. Sometimes tears are just as necessary as breathing and are an indispensable part of any bereavement. We have to pay them to feel better.
However, education and the personal and / or social context can instill in us the idea that it is better to suffer in silence. Don't be weak, look strong. A mistake that can cause serious health problems in the long run. Emotional wounds that can turn into internal injuries.
It's not worth it. Tears and the need to cry are part of our personality, there are those who will show a certain ease in letting them go.
Tears are part of a cycle for which it is essential to be able to identify the emotions felt, to know how to listen. They may not come when we need them most and make us feel weird. With everything that's happening to me ... how come I can't cry?
Tips for overcoming the emotional block
If you have not been able to vent your emotions through tears, the strategies we present below may help you.
1. Consciously feel the block
The first recommendation is that of try to connect with your body and consciously feel the emotional block.
To do this, find a quiet place, make yourself comfortable, close your eyes and begin to become aware of physical tensions. Meditation is a great tool for achieving this goal.
2. Speak out loud
It may sound very simple, but speaking freely about what worries or saddens us can be quite a challenge, especially for reserved people. However, with practice it is possible to perfect this skill.
Talking about what ails us is a way to bring blocked emotions to consciousness. Many times we do not know to what extent a situation is afflicting us until we dare to express it aloud.
This activity can be done in front of the mirror, with a trusted person or with a psychotherapist. Regardless of the chosen situation, active listening should be encouraged.
3. Watch moving movies
Another way to overcome the emotional block is to watch moving movies. Keep in mind that not everyone is crying with the same movies, then find one that talks about a similar situation to yours so you can more easily identify with the characters.
Conclusions
We advise not to worry if crying seems impossible, the tears will come in due time. In the most unexpected moment, when you are relaxed, more aware and accept the situation. Only then will the tears offer real relief.
