No one is prepared to deal with the loss of a loved one; especially the death of his own mother. For many people this is the most traumatic experience of their life. What can we do to deal with this immense pain?
Last update: May 18, 2022
There are no magic formulas or strategies with immediate benefits to overcome the death of one's mother. Although we have the unspoken certainty that this experience will come at some point, no one is prepared for it.
It does not matter if we are already adults and if we have already faced other losses, adversities and dramas of various kinds, with other emotional plots. The loss of the mother figure is one of the most painful experiences.
One of the most traumatic events for the human being. Although it largely depends on the relationship established, generally the bond that is created with one's mother corresponds to an alliance with great meanings, supports, attachments and an affection that becomes its backbone.
In her excellent book The Year of Magical Thought, the writer Joan Didion addresses issues such as mourning, the flow of life and those events that can change it in an instant. Those who have recently lost a loved one have a particular expression, which only those who have lived the same experience can recognize.
Losing your mother is perhaps the first experience you face without her being there to support you.
Strategies for dealing with the death of one's mother
It is not possible to estimate an exact amount of time to overcome the death of one's mother. In reality, we never completely overcome it, but we learn to live with the loss. This means that two, three or five years can pass and suddenly find yourself crying for his absence. And that this happens is perfectly normal.
The research study carried out at the University of North Texas indicates the human need to always enjoy valid support. Each person copes with pain in their own way, some will need more time and others less. Likewise, the loss can be sudden or, conversely, the result of a long illness.
Each reality is unique and very special, it is true. In any case, however, it is decisive enjoy support as you travel through pain. Because pain is crippling and forces us to curl up with our body and life for a while.
The moment in which we realize that, for the first time in our life, we will have to face suffering without being able to count on the help of our mother is tremendous. Let's see now some strategies can help us.
Allow yourself to feel every sensation, emotion and memory
Everything is valid. Any emotion that imprisons the body and mind after the death of one's mother is valid and must be accepted. Anger, sadness, misunderstanding, frustration, desire, fear, desolation ...
The first few days after the loss are always confused and there is a strange feeling of unreality. Such an experience is completely normal.
After the loss of a loved one, it is normal to feel some kind of emotional numbness. It is difficult to react, life flows more slowly and it is not easy to connect with the outside, with what is happening around us. It is part of mourning.
There is no perfect mourning: everyone experiences it differently
Each bereavement is unique and we must respect it. Sometimes even two siblings may face the same loss differently because the relationship they had with their mother was not the same. We have to respect it.
There will be those who will need to cry longer and more moments of solitude. Other people, on the other hand, will feel the need to talk to friends and family, to feel the constant proximity of their loved ones.
There is no regulatory bereavement, so it is important not to push anyone to move forward as soon as possible. Everyone needs their own time, their own rhythm and internal emotional readjustment processes.
Accept that life will never be the same again
To overcome the death of one's mother, one must understand that life will never be the same again. Even if they urge us to "go back to normal" this will no longer exist, it will no longer be possible. It will be possible accept the loss when we understand that things will be different, but not worse.
We will adapt, as life will go on and we will be surrounded by wonderful friends, family and partners. There will be a void in our heart, but the human being learns to live with the void of absences in many ways.
The pain for those who left us slowly transforms, like a budding flower. It flows into another form of love that accompanies us, that protects us.
Talk about your mother, remember her and allow yourself to have bad days
We need to talk about what hurts so that it hurts less. It is nice to share with our loved ones the moments lived with our mother; Why remembering it means honoring it.
Keeping it in mind is making it present, let's try to do it; the memory of her must not stop us, but rather motivate us. Because a mother always wants the best for her children.
She wants all the happiness in the world for them, so one way to honor her is to lead a meaningful life. Likewise, we also accept that the sadness that will visit us from time to time. We will have bad days, but that's perfectly normal.
One way to honor the deceased mother is to lead the life she would have wanted for us. Being happy is a way to honor it. The memory of her will live forever in our hearts and this is how we make her present every day.
Finding peace and giving a new meaning to existence to overcome the death of one's mother
Every loss forces us to reformulate our life; it's a grimace in our existence. However, to overcome the death of one's mother it is necessary to find inner peace, equilibrium.
Everyone finds it in their own way. There are those who understand that they need to make some changes in their life so that it is more meaningful.
The loss of a loved one makes one aware of transience and this leads to enjoy life. Doing so is also a way to honor our mothers.
How to keep the family together after the death of the mother
In some cases, the family structure can be altered after the mother's death. It is an event that can trigger problems between siblings, between children and the father or other figures.
It is true that each family unit has its own characteristics. However, this traumatic loss affects everyone and one should remain united, it is what one's mother would have wanted.
This undoubtedly forces to make efforts, to find common points and willpower. We all need each other, especially when overwhelmed by an extremely painful emptiness.
Let us therefore try to settle the differences, to extinguish past grudges. We share and cultivate the bond with our relatives to be stronger and keep what our mother built. Let's support each other, let's look for each other, let's call each other, we schedule frequent meetings and do projects together. Affection requires commitment, and the commitment made creates love and trust.
Conclusions
The sadness of the loss of one's mother will remain dormant forever, but we will learn to live with that emptiness. Missing her, wanting her, remembering her when we do or see certain things is a way to make present her love for her.
Finding joy is not a betrayal of him, it is instead a tribute to the life she would have wanted for us.
