The strategies we use to manage and cope with grief can help or hinder us in overcoming grief or loss.
Last update: 25 March, 2020
We can all find ourselves in the situation of having to overcome a bereavement or a loss. Whether it is the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship or a dismissal, we must face the absence of someone or the loss of something that was very important to us. After every bereavement or every loss, pain comes. It is the time when we need to process our emotions and reorganize our lives. The pain coping strategies to be adopted vary from person to person.
For some people, it is relatively easy to accept the new situation and adapt to it. For others, however, it seems that the world is collapsing on them. Confusion, pain and anger appear in these people's lives making them feel bad and depriving them of their happiness.
However, the different ways in which a situation is approached depend on the coping strategies used. The good thing is that we can change our strategies if we find that they are not having any effect.
Pain coping strategies
The word "coping" (in English coping) defines the set of cognitive and behavioral efforts that we put in place to manage and respond to internal and external needs. When a situation requires efforts beyond a person's abilities, stress manifests itself. It is then that coping strategies are used as a response to resolve that particular situation.
Feeling pain is undoubtedly an experience in which we feel overwhelmed. To be able to manage this situation, we must use all our personal resources. There are several pain coping strategies, and not all of them are equally effective. Let's see what they are.
Problem-focused coping strategies
In this case, all of a person's resources are focused on the problem in an attempt to find a solution. In this group we can distinguish three different styles of approach:
- Thoughtful. It consists of analyzing and reflecting on the situation and oneself, as well as planning how to deal with it.
- Reactive. It involves impulsive and uncontrolled actions dictated by the individual's distorted thoughts.
- Suppressive. In this case, a series of actions are performed that tend to deny what happened in order to avoid exposing oneself to the emotions related to that event.
Reflexive strategies push people to find a solution to the problem. The reactive and suppressive ones take them away from this possibility.
When using coping strategies that focus on solving a problem, the stressful situation is identified and assessed. Furthermore, the causes are analyzed and behaviors are implemented that aim to change the situation.
Emotional coping
Consists in focus your energies not on the problem, but on the emotions it causes. So, on the one hand, we have the emotional processing required by recognizing and understanding the feelings one is experiencing. On the other hand, the emotional expression that consists in releasing and sharing those emotions, both with others and with oneself.
Emotional coping can have a reflective, reactive, or suppressive style. Depending on the style chosen, emotions will be analyzed or expressed in an impulsive and uncontrolled way, or they will tend to avoid them.
Effects of pain coping strategies
All the options we've seen so far are part of those strategies people put in place to deal with grief or loss. If we analyze them carefully, we will find the ones we usually use. Each of them, however, has different consequences that lead us to process pain more or less quickly and effectively.
People who use a reactive style are more likely to manage pain more complicatedly, as well as experiencing anxiety and depressive symptoms. The reactive style can be useful in the initial moments, because anger can give the individual a feeling of strength. However, if this style is maintained over time, it will prevent that person from processing the pain adequately.
Those who use emotional expression and reflective style experience greater growth and positive personal transformation after experiencing pain. These people are actively looking for ways to solve their problems. Typically, they ask for social support and express their feelings appropriately.
Based on what has been said so far, it is clear that the most functional way to deal with pain is to identify it and express one's emotions appropriately. In addition to this, we must maintain mental clarity and implement behaviors that can help us resolve the situation. Denying the problem, evading it, or reacting impulsively will only add to the suffering.
