The "
Theory of I's"He explains that our personality is composed of a multiplicity of" I's "that when necessary take control to protect us from dangers, to ensure our survival and make us less vulnerable. All of us, at the base, are a mix of energy models or "I" as they are defined by psychoanalysis. Some of these energies are familiar and make us feel comfortable, while others can be strange or even unpleasant, in this case we refer to the “disowned selves.” Stop for a moment to think of someone who is very unpleasant to you. What are the traits of his personality that bother you the most? Why do you despise that person? Determine which qualities of him are that repel you. You have just discovered your first "I repudiated". Those traits that irritate you so much reflect a pattern of energy that is in you and that in no case do you wish to integrate into your life. others. For example, a deeply spiritual person may feel deep contempt for those who have accumulated wealth and success throughout their life. A person who has had to sacrifice himself, working hard, may feel a deep repulsion for weak people who always complain. These examples clearly convey the very intense reactions that a "disowned me" causes when we discover it in someone else. These reactions are simply the result of an energy pattern that we hide, and the energy we use to keep it hidden from our consciousness.
A "disowned me" is a behavior, idea or feeling that has been punished every time it appears. It may have been very subtle punishments, such as parental withdrawal of attention to the child, or it may have been direct criticism or reprimand. But no matter what the punishment was, the result is the same: we realize that there are some behaviors that need to be repudiated because they are not socially acceptable, at least in our current context. So we repress them, but that doesn't mean we can destroy them. , these 'I's continue to exist in our subconscious, where they exert their action. These "disowned I's" are like our shadow and as a result, when we see it reflected in others, it makes us relive the embarrassment of the first time we experienced them, the punishment is reactivated and the energy pattern resonates with enormous force. Obviously, since this behavior is associated with pain, humiliation and punishment, we want it to go away as soon as possible. And to silence our inner discomfort, we have to get rid of that person who reflects it, so we end up disowning it. Curiously, most of the stress and problems in our interpersonal relationships come from those "disowned I's" that we have not accepted. We suffer every time the same patterns are repeated and, instead of facing them, we go to great lengths to hide them. But no matter how deep the grave is where we hide them, these "rejected selves" will not disappear. Rather, they will remain lurking and ready to emerge at any moment.
One of the 'I's that most of us learn to disown very early in life is the one that represents a vulnerable child. But this "I" can become our most precious sub-personality because it is closer to our essence and allows us to connect with others without masks and love completely, without reservations. Unfortunately, this "I" tends to be repudiated and disappears. from our conscience very early, around 5 years of age, when a "I controller" emerges forcefully, which gets rid of vulnerability by considering it an obstacle. This is because, as the child grows up, the parents reject vulnerability because their mission is to make it strong. Furthermore, parents do not usually have a conscious relationship with their own vulnerability, so that this ancestral repudiation process continues.
The therapy called "Dialogue of Voices", proposed by American psychologists Hal and Sidra Stone (perfectly explained in the book "
The Dialogue of Voices”), It involves knowing these 'I's and learning to regulate their energy for our benefit. The first step is to recognize when a' rejected I 'is active. To be able to do this, it is sufficient to remain attentive to one's emotional reactions. When a person's behaviors are really unpleasant to you, to the point of being almost unbearable, it is because they are a reflection of a "rejected me." At this point you will realize that you do not need to "correct" that person, but only The second step is to discover those qualities that you over-identify with, those that you feel particularly proud of, such as being very demanding or always being kind. These qualities make you feel special and you probably don't want to lose them. However, you should think that they are limiting you, even if you consider them positive.The qualities that you over identify with can turn you into an intolerant and inflexible person, who cannot relax and who does not accept that there are other facets of his personality. These qualities lead you to judge others with your yardstick and will always keep you in your comfort zone, preventing you from discovering all the potential you have.The third and final step is also the most fun. Once you get the idea of ​​what this "I repudiated" is like, make sure you put yourself in his place and talk to him. Imagine how she would handle different situations if she were in control of your life. Very soon you will realize that a different energy is flowing within you. You can take advantage of it to see the world and your problems in a new light. These "rejected selves" often tend to be an inexhaustible source of new ideas, solutions and inspiration. Of course, you don't have to give them control, you don't have to turn into this "repudiated me", it's just about accepting this part of you and, from time to time, hear what he has to say.
