We all like to receive compliments, for the results of our work, our values, the behaviors or the decisions we have made. And if the praise comes from people who are important to us, like our friends, family or a co-worker, they make us feel good, we are proud of ourselves, our ego overflows. In fact, praise is a form of recognition. which can increase our self-esteem and generate a lot of satisfaction.However, there are also people who flatter us with bad intentions just to get something back. Most of the time they don't even believe what they say, but they focus on our strengths to make us let our guard down and succumb to their desires. It is the trap of the manipulator-flatterer.
How to recognize a manipulator-flatterer?
- They want to get a favor in exchange for the compliment. Often flattery is used as an antechamber to convince us to compromise ourselves in certain matters and, all in all, if we are good people, we will end up giving in and doing this "little favor" that is asked of us. In these cases, the most common compliments are those that are directed to our way of acting and thinking, and this is the best way to generate a sense of guilt in case we want to refuse.
- They want our approval. Sometimes flattery hides the need for approval, both with respect to a project and on a personal level. It's not a favor in itself, but rather these people expect you to take their side. Obviously, after someone tells us how fabulous they think we are and how good they think they are of us, it will be very difficult to tell them that we disagree with their point of view.
- They propose a reconciliation. If you've run into someone, there's nothing like praise for trying to get closer to you and let your guard down. In fact, this is a way of showing repentance and trying to get your forgiveness. However, be careful because usually this type of person is not interested in recovering the relationship, but rather cares about the benefits they can get from it.
- They hide the disguised betrayal behind the compliment. Sometimes flattery doesn't use praise to get something in return, but the goal is to gain our trust and then give us a low blow that will cause us to collapse completely. It is a strategy often used by some people without shame and without principles, which unfortunately we sometimes meet on our way. It is the worst kind of flattery, as it usually has negative consequences for us.
How to deal with flatterers?
Arturo Graf once said that "the man of easy flattery is a defenseless man." Therefore, the first step is to look within ourselves to get rid of the need to continually receive compliments. When we don't need something, we will be less emotionally connected and able to react more objectively, evaluating different aspects of the situation without unleashing a storm in a glass of water.
The flatterer wields two swords: ego and guilt. If you are a confident person, you will not need flattery and as a result, you will feel less compromised the moment you receive it. Remember, too, that the main strategy of flatterers is often to generate guilt. Therefore, don't let them let you fall into their net.
If you notice that they are paying you a compliment to get something back and that is not sincere, simply reply, "I appreciate your opinion of me, but other than that, I just can't help you." Almost always, being honest is the best strategy.
Find out how to defend yourself from manipulators by learning to recognize and manage them by reading this book.
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