Some wounds are formed in childhood and accompany and condition even in adulthood. Among these, the wound of humiliation can hinder success and happiness.
Last update: May 30, 2022
Ashamed of your body or your way of doing things? Choose partners who humiliate? Feeling guilty for indulging in certain pleasures? Do everything for others without them appreciating it? The behaviors presented can be the sad consequence of the wound of humiliation.
It is one of the childhood wounds described by Canadian author Lise Bourbeau in her wonderful book The 5 Wounds and How to Heal Them. It is the most difficult to recognize and it is likely that on first reading you will not feel identified with her description.
However, once you become aware of what is happening around you e having decided to heal, everything will change for the better.
What are childhood wounds?
It is common in childhood to live certain experiences that you are unable to process. In our interaction with parents, we expect unconditional love and understanding, but it is virtually impossible for this to happen all the time.
Thus, the words and actions of the parents have an impact on the child, whose infant mind does not yet have the resources to deal with what is happening. In this way the child creates a mask, which is nothing more than a defense mechanism that allows him to survive emotionally.
This mask encloses a set of beliefs, interpretations and models of behavior adopted when similar situations arise to those that triggered it. The problem is that, over time, this mask ceases to be functional.
As adults you have personal tools to deal with life, but the initial wound of childhood continues to bleed, thus activating defenses that in reality no longer serve us.
The wound of humiliation
Generally, the wound of humiliation forms between the first and third year of life, when the child acquires a certain autonomy by learning to eat, walk or go to the bathroom. In some or more situations, the child feels humiliated by the parents, embarrassed, compared or criticized.
This happens, for example, if by staining his clothes, urinating on himself or acting with the lack of control expected of him, he is ridiculed, reprimanded, or labeled as dirty or unworthy.
It is worth mentioning that it is not so much what happened, but how the child perceived it that opens the wound. Thus, faced with such an emotional impact, shame, guilt, anger or submission are activated; elements that are part of the masochist's mask.
This mask will then guide the person's interpretations and behaviors, also influencing adult relationships.
How does it manifest itself in everyday life?
There are several situations that allow us to understand if we bear the wound of humiliation. We present the most relevant:
- Suffering is a constant. Any actions seem insurmountable and the results are seldom positive. It is also difficult to imagine achieving what is desired.
- Being ashamed of yourself or other people. It is common to find yourself in situations that make you feel ridiculous or to choose partners who tend to belittle or humiliate.
- You don't like speed, but you don't follow personal rhythms either. It is ashamed to notice that you cannot keep up with others.
- Giving too much to others. The person gives everything for others, putting aside personal wants and needs. After all, he hopes they recognize and appreciate his work, but that never happens; on the contrary, others tend to take advantage of her or override her.
- Shyness, insecurity and indecision. There is a constant worry of what others think, especially parents; therefore we always try to please them.
- Hypersensitivity. Criticisms are not interpreted or handled correctly.
- Feeling responsible for the happiness of others. Sometimes it seems to carry the world on your shoulders, but it is impossible to do without it.
- Possible sexual disorders linked to embarrassment and the difficulty in indulging in pleasure. Perhaps sexuality is viewed as something ignoble or something one is not worthy of.
- Compensate for negative emotions with food, especially sweet and processed. These represent a reward and a consolation; however, one feels embarrassed that others see us eating and feels guilty.
- Overweight. As a result of the above, it is common for the person bearing the wound of humiliation to be overweight. His figure and the extra pounds are another reason to feel embarrassed.
Healing the wound of humiliation
Like the others, even the wound of humiliation can heal if the person, already an adult, he becomes aware of the counterproductive effects and of the mask he wears. It is not easy, as it is painful to accept to feel ridiculed by others and by oneself; however, it is an essential first step.
Following this, the person must change their habits: begin to listen and pay attention to your own needs and stop putting others first; adopting a positive inner dialogue in which he does not compare or humiliate himself and stop imposing excessive limits on oneself are some crucial points.
It may be helpful to be guided by a therapist which will help to trace the source of the wound and remove the mask. If you feel identified with what is described in this article, don't hesitate to seek help from a professional.
