How did you come up with this idea ?!
Stop dreaming, put your feet on the ground.
Are you crazy?!
I don't think you'll make it, but if you want to ruin yourself, go ahead.
Are you kidding me?
Forget this nonsense!
If no one has ever succeeded there will also be a reason, right?
If any of these phrases are familiar to you, chances are you've met a dream destroyer. They are people who seem to have one goal in life: to destroy the dreams of others. People who have a problem for every solution and seem to take pleasure in destroying the dreams of others.
These people will not find any of the goals you propose inspiring and will give you a thousand and one reasons to give up that dream. Their counter arguments are usually not solid and do not come from an objective and meticulous analysis of the situation, they are just arrows poisoned by negativity shot at your self-esteem.
The 3 types of dream destroyers
1. The critic
This person is easy to identify because their speech is usually characterized by anger and criticism. It will list all the reasons why your dream is unreasonable, unreal or impossible. You probably already know all the potential obstacles and risks, but this person will exaggerate them to discourage you. He is the classic person who spreads his negativity to the sound of criticism. If he fails to convince you with his reasons, chances are that in his "last assault" he will become offensive and attack you personally to make you question your abilities, resources and motivation.
2. The silent one
This person resorts to silence to express his disagreement. When you tell him about your new project, he probably won't say anything, even if his silence will be accompanied by a reproachful look. With this attitude he wants you to understand that your idea is wrong or that your dreams are not worth pursuing. Ignore your goals and avoid talking about them, hinting at her disappointment, but assuming the role of a passive victim, which usually generates guilt. In fact, his strategy is often very effective because it will generate enormous doubts in you.
3. The disinterested
If you have a dream, you are likely to feel full of energy, motivation and passion. And you'd like people who matter to you to share those feelings. The disinterested, on the other hand, does exactly the opposite. It denies you the emotional validation you need: it listens to you, but without paying attention, without emotion. And he does it on purpose, because he wants to show his disinterest. Usually he also tries to minimize your dreams or makes fun of you for aiming for that much. Deep down, this person tries to weaken your self-esteem to make you give up on your goal.
A deep inner bitterness
People who are dedicated to destroying other people's dreams often feel deep bitterness, disappointment and frustration, but they don't always show it. In fact, they try to pretend that they have a full and satisfying life, even if deep down they suffer from an emotional emptiness.
Many times the pessimistic view of the world comes from the failure to realize one's dreams. If a person has had no luck in their relationships, they will develop a negative view of relationships in general and discourage others from maintaining a relationship. If he has not been successful in a business project, he will discourage anyone trying to start a new project by stating that it is an impossible or useless goal.
Other times their attitude depends on a lack of courage, seasoned with a dose of envy. They are people who do not dare to leave their comfort zone and do not want others to do it either because it annoys them that they can succeed. In this case, it is envious people who do not want others to excel or have a fuller life.
Other times, this attitude comes from over-protection. It is common in parents with children or in couples. With all the best of intentions, they want to clip your wings because they fear you will fail or, worse yet, cut the umbilical cord that binds you to them.
How to deal with dream destroyers?
1. Listen to them. It may seem like a contradiction, but sometimes the best advice can come from where we least expect it. Listening is wise, even if it doesn't mean that you have to agree with what they say much less that you will base your decisions on their opinions. But perhaps behind their negativity you could identify some risk that you did not foresee, so you can better prepare yourself to face it. The key is to use negativity in your favor as a weapon to prepare for the unexpected.
2. Thank them for their opinion. Instead of being defensive, just thank them for their opinion. Usually this attitude disarms them. People do not expect to receive kind and respectful words when they behave in a critical or contemptuous way or try to destroy the dreams of others. You can say, "I appreciate your opinion, but I'll go ahead anyway".
3. Go ahead. If you have a dream and a clear goal, don't give up. It is very easy to fall into negativity. There is no doubt that you will encounter obstacles and unexpected events, but this is part of life. Make sure you don't make the possible impossible.
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