Last update: May 07, 2022
The social sphere has been flooded with new types of relationships. Polyamory, open relationships, and relationship anarchy are just some of the more cutting-edge definitions. In this article we want to talk about a new term that is a precursor to all the others and that will make us think: agamia.
The concept of agamy, born for the first time in 2014, abandons the idea of ​​gamos (union, marriage) to focus on a new social and relational model. The promoters of this concept defend its going beyond the concept of free love, but without a feeling of exclusive and castrating need.
Agamia means avoiding that a certain stereotype of relationship, the one that can be defined as romantic or amorous, takes over. Consequently, it defends the non-definition of relational models.
Starting from this perspective, the concept of love that reigns in our society must be understood as an ideological subsystem that serves patriarchal and class interests. This means that this feeling has been imposed on us as a form of alienation from the system to keep us in check. The goal is that they all desire the same things, that they all feel as logical some definitions considered, by the promoters of agamy, to be antiquated, enslaving and capable of making us unhappy.
Many of the practitioners of agamy do it out of disenchantment. Some of them run away from relationships due to the great toxicity that, according to them, has made them suffer. Jealousies, possession, abuse and suffocating addiction are often dangerous symptoms of a love that is not such.
On the other hand, the goal is to enjoy total autonomy and freedom to live one's sexuality at will. According to those who practice agamy, in fact, these are precisely the dangers for the survival of traditional love. Analyzing the basic principles of agamy can help to better understand this new social model.
The replacement of sexuality with eroticism
Agamy does not consider sex a "sacred" and exclusive moment of relationships (monogamous or polygamous), but simply a natural and healthy part that must be experienced and exalted as a form of freedom and self-love.
Agamy replaces sexuality with eroticism, thus calling into question the emergence of new types of non-specific relationships that go beyond heterosexuality. From this point of view, nothing should be done that you do not want, much less feeling obliged.
The renunciation of love and oppression dictated by agamy
According to agamy, romantic love and its idealization are a chimera. Jealousy, possessiveness, and obsession shouldn't appeal to rational human beings. These are negative feelings that make us feel bad and diminish our well-being. Agamy promotes a detachment from exclusive emotions to favor a more harmonious sociability.
Oppression should never be linked to the concept of love. Reason, logic and natural impulses must always take precedence over the negative emotions promoted by traditional love.
Alternatives to the traditional family
Agamy proposes a real redefinition of the idea of ​​family, considering the latter as “the conformation of a group of individuals with consensual relations of eroticism, company and confluence of interests”. For this current, parenting is much more than having children. Love, respect and affection must be the only parameters evaluating the abilities of a parent.
The followers of this philosophy they flee from social conventionalisms and nurture the desire to form a family that suits their needs.
“Nobody can belong to anyone else. Love is a free contract that strikes like a spark and can end in the same way. "
-Isabel Allende-
It is not polyamory
Polyamory defends the possibility of having two or more partners, some more stable than others. Agamy escapes the concept of couple because it is considered empty and lacking in realism. And likewise, he doesn't want to have anything to do with polyamory, non-committed sex, or sporadic relationships. This is a much more complex concept.
During our life, relationships with the people we know are crucial. This philosophy allows us to establish any type of relationship with the individuals around us without necessarily having to give a label or a definition.
More than an ideology or a form of life, agamy sheds light on a recurring topic: the way to live relationships. Although agamy wants to avoid this term, it is well known that any contact with other people presupposes a relational bond. Denying this will not erase the concept, but it is good to continue to respect those who prefer to define interpersonal relationships differently from us.
