Friendships can change over time, and even if it hurts us, sometimes it's best to let them go. What should we do if our friends neglect us?
Last update: Augusts 10, 2022
Friendships are experienced differently by each of us. Some feel the need to see or talk to their friends almost every day; for others, on the other hand, it is enough to share a few occasions together. But if we feel neglected, maybe something is not going the right way. What should we do if friends neglect us?
The truth is that relationships change over time, whether they are between friends, family or as a couple. The reasons can be the most disparate: new experiences, transfers, absence of contacts, etc. The ideal is to avoid idealizing newly born relationships; it is precisely in the first months that the most intense events are experienced, but they are not necessarily the best.
At some point we may have the feeling that we no longer recognize the people of the past or that the relationship risks hurting us. This reflection can help us find an answer on how we feel and to act if friends neglect us. How?
What to do if friends neglect us? Is it just a matter of perception?
The answer is somewhat difficult, right? We may really think our friends neglect us, but is that really the case? Let's see the most frequent situations that can lead us to think so:
- We carry out a profession that totally absorbs us: we spend many hours at work and, when we go out, we want to be with our friends. However, their schedules do not coincide with ours and we begin to think that they are avoiding or neglecting us; in reality, it is only a question of time incompatibility.
- We wait for them to take the first step: Maybe we are always the ones proposing to go out and we are bored. If we don't propose it to them, however, the silence from our friends makes us feel more alone.
- We don't understand their priorities: When our friends have a partner or children, their priority is no longer to hang out with friends. More than neglecting us, therefore, perhaps it is just a lack of time or new responsibilities.
Friendship manifests itself in a relationship of affection and mutual care. If we feel we are the only ones to give, without receiving anything in return, we must communicate it.
As the years go by, the word "friendship" takes on a new meaning for many of our friends. Their priorities become other and we can perceive a certain distance.
Expressing what you feel is important
Rather than drowning in a glass of water, complaining and feeling bad, why not communicate our feelings to friends? Perhaps the answer we will receive will help us become aware of the circumstances listed above.
But we may also be told, "I have new friends" or "We drifted apart and the relationship is no longer the same." In any case, we will still have an answer and we will be able to recover / renew the relationship, provided that the other does his part, or decide to move on.
What to do if friends neglect us: the sense of friendship
It's important to pay attention to situations where friends neglect us because they don't want to hang out with us anymore, but don't have the courage to tell us. To understand this, we will have to observe their behavior after telling them how we feel; if they commit to dating more and planning together, at least once a month, or if the situation does not change.
Telling the truth is difficult, we know. It also happens to us in certain circumstances, but when it affects us directly it disturbs us that the people with whom we have had some confidence are not able to tell us that our friendship is no longer to their liking.
Observing what happens will provide us with clues to understand whether to invest in the relationship or, conversely, close it. This ability is part of our social intelligence. An intelligence that, like the emotional one, has been ignored for a long time, despite its extreme importance.
If friends neglect us, dialogue can provide us with all the information necessary to make use of the intelligence just mentioned. In addition to this, learning to interpret the behavior of others will greatly facilitate the task.
Finally, it should be noted that these moments of meta-relationship (in which one thinks and talks about the relationship), if well managed, can prove useful in stimulating and strengthening the quality of the bond.
"The friend is the person I can think aloud in front of."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson-
