We define touchy as people who react very intensely to criticism. But what does it depend on?
Last update: May 23, 2022
Our skin has more sensory receptors in some places than others. A pat on the neck can make our hair stand on end, while on the arm it may not produce this effect. We encounter the same difference in sensitivity in our emotional universe. In light of this, in certain situations they tend to be touchy.
This action-reaction model is particularly marked in criticism. How we process it will depend on many factors, and one of these will be how and when it touches us.
The same comment that at one moment we may take as a joke can produce a great rejection at another; to represent the fuse that lights the fire of an animated discussion.
The criticism that hurts
Imagine that you have dedicated yourself to studying a foreign language for a few months. You have invested the little free time to learn the words and familiarize yourself with the most popular expressions. Likewise, imagine you have a friend who speaks the aforementioned language perfectly.
One day you meet him and tell him that you are studying her, so he offers his help. Here, however, the criticism begins. Allusions to wrong study strategies, to ineffective resources, even the low propensity to learn languages.
You go home feeling like it's all in vain. And that makes you angry, because you have worked so hard.
Imagine the same situation in a holiday setting, where in the morning you decided to dedicate an hour to learning the local language. You have done the grammar exercises and watched videos.
You are studying in a relaxed way and the meeting with your friend takes place in the same context. His criticisms bother you, but not on a par with the previous scenario. You, for one, are not taking language study too seriously.
Likewise, you know that your friend wants your good and is only trying to help you. Share his comments to a large extent.
The criticism on the part is the same, but the sensitivity of the recipient is not. In the first context, the various factors at play lead us to be much more touchy than the second scenario.
Being touchy depends mostly on the context
We can't control what others will say, but we have a lot of room for action on our reaction. In the first example, we could try to take a more objective view and analyze our friend's comment.
To treasure his words, take them into consideration and evaluate the possibility of dedicating more time and better strategies to studying the language.
We will also need to consider the fact that the other person has taken the time to discuss an interest that is ours. Her intention was to help us, even though her comments may have hurt us.
Quite different, however, if we understand that he wanted this meeting only to demonstrate his superiority, to boast of his skill. However, this is not the most common case, as this kind of people prefer public contexts to show off their supposedly exceptional skills.
Be empathetic
On the other hand, rather than being touchy and reacting badly to criticism, we must first think that others may have had a bad day too.
Our friend may have had an unpleasant meeting with his boss or an argument with his partner where you only got reprimanded. Before asking for help, therefore, it is better to ask the other person how he is; in this way we will be able to better interpret his words, place them in the right context.
In addition to what has been said, a curious phenomenon must be taken into account. In defining our self-concept, we catalog labels that we do not want to be affixed to us.
We think of a person who cares a lot about punctuality. His first day of work in a new company has a different schedule from the previous week and he is late.
One of the first criticisms of his superior will concern his delay. While not knowing it, he touched the new employee in a very sensitive point for him.
We all present these more delicate internal points, just as we do not control many of the circumstances around us so we tend to be touchy.
