A romantic breakup is always a cause of pain, but if this feeling turns into enormous suffering, it is probably due to unfulfilled expectations.
Last update: Augusts 06, 2022
Most human beings face the end of a love at least once in their life. This always difficult situation seems to become even more complicated for some than for others. And this is why when a person claims to be heartbroken, they experience this very feeling. A stabbing and paralyzing pain.
We can fall into the mistake of thinking that these people had very strong and deep feelings for the partner or that they are weak. At the basis of suffering, in reality there is no boundless love or personal fragility; it is more simply a question of unfulfilled expectations.
Broken heart? It is not so!
We do not literally have a broken heart, this is clear as it is physiologically impossible. But it never happened even in a metaphorical sense. Maybe at some point we felt like we had handed our heart into the hands of a person who mistreated it, destroyed it. In reality, however, even if it is difficult to admit it, we ourselves have inflicted this pain on ourselves.
Love does not destroy, it does not wear out, even when it ends. When we truly love someone, in a pure and healthy way, suffering is different, as it is free from all addictions; we must not put our happiness in another person's hands nor expect our partner to fill our gaps.
Of course we always have expectations and these are, in a sense, necessary. We expect respect, support and sincerity from our partner. Nevertheless, mature love understands that everyone is responsible for their own well-being. And this responsibility also includes knowing how to distance ourselves from those who do not treat us in the right way, without allowing humiliation, betrayal or disappointment to come into play.
We usually blame these situations on the other person, but the truth is, we hurt ourselves by carrying on the relationship. Love does not hurt, it is the ego that hurts. It hurts to cling, to submit, to get totally naked and to put aside self-love in the name of love as a couple.
No one has ever been heartbroken from too much love, because those who truly love could never feel so devastated by someone else's attitude or conduct. He would be able to understand and accept that the actions of others are not in his own hands, but also that his actions depend on himself.
As a result, he would protect his own safety and step away from the situation little by little. With pain, of course, but without suffering in an extreme way.
You are not weak
If you are one of the large group of people who at some point in their life thought they were heartbroken, don't feel guilty. You are not weak because you have experienced that feeling. You are no weaker than the others, nor was the person in question particularly special. It wasn't too much for you, nor were you too little for her. The agonizing anguish you may have experienced is attributable only to disappointed expectations.
When we live in a relationship as a couple, we start planning a future with the other person. We make plans, set goals and visualize goals to be achieved together. We trust that the life project we share will have a happy ending.
Yet, as we all know, life is changeable and cannot be controlled; things don't always go as planned. And if we can't count on good mental resilience, adequate adaptability and solid self-esteem at that time, our downfall can be ruinous.
Generally the people most likely to face a complex or pathological bereavement following a breakup are excessively rigid figures, who need certainty and to have everything under control. They are those who fear change.
Learn to manage your expectations
It's okay to share dreams and plans with your partner, but we mustn't let our psychological and emotional stability depend on it. We must be ready to face the changes without thinking that our world is falling apart; to do this, we must work on ourselves and on our self-esteem, as well as on our flexibility.
If you think someone broke your heart, trace the true origins of this feeling and remember that it is up to you to start loving in a healthier way. Begin to love yourself unconditionally. Change can be scary, but when nothing is certain, anything is possible.
