A narcissist can change for love? If so, is it possible to help him?
You have finally realized that there is something wrong with your relationship and in the end, even if reluctantly, you have accepted the idea that your partner is a narcissist. But while you may not be able, no matter how hard you may be, to establish a healthy relationship, you can't help but wonder if you can do something to save the day.
Also because, again, no matter how strong a woman you may be, her tendency to manipulate, her lack of empathy and her megalomania are wearing you down and all these behaviors make the person close to you at least unreliable if not cruel. .
Before moving on, it is my duty to warn you that not always a narcissist can change for love, as this process requires a great deal of willpower on the part of both of you and will involve a long and tiring journey, but which, if followed to completion, can lead to an upward growth in your relationship.
In today's article we will try to analyze this type of situation and we will try to provide you with all the necessary information, in order to understand what can be done and if there is something to do for help you, your partner and your relationship.
But before starting with this article, I advise you to take a few seconds to take the test that I leave you below, find the link here, it will only steal a minute and free, but in this way you will be able to acquire the necessary information in order to have already a little clearer picture of the situation you are experiencing and understand if the narcissist you have at your side can change.
Can a narcissist change?
The answer is… no, and I'm not kidding, even if this doesn't clarify anything and maybe creates more doubts than it solves.
As I already mentioned in the introduction, certain conditions must be met in order for the narcissist to change. Furthermore, the narcissist by his nature is unwilling to change his modus vivendi and this pays off very difficult an evolution for the better of the relationships in which he is involved.
Below we will analyze all the factors and variables involved in this process, but before that it is necessary that you fully understand all the facets involved in this "change".
Is it possible to make a narcissist change?
Without knowing either you or your story, I am sure I will be able to identify the various stages without any problem: when you met you were literally electrocuted from his personality. He was able to understand your needs and adapt to your needs and it was a no-brainer to get you to let your guard down and take full possession of your heart.
But once your partner has taken control of your life, all this disappears: no more understanding, no more being sexy and tender under the covers but above all no more affection! At this point, while you were already cooked to the right point, the narcissist has dropped the mask, shown its true face starting with psychological pressures with the aim of undermining your self-esteem. Succeeding.
At this point, I'm sure you remember your thoughts well: what did I do to make him change so? Where am I wrong? Why am I so terrible? But the truth is that you have not done anything, but only the person you have chosen to have by your side has revealed his true appearance in fact, to make you fall into a chasm of guilt is one of the hallmarks of the narcissist.
But the real skill showed when you, fed up with all of this, decided to leave him and get a new life, and he put on the mask of the ideal boyfriend again. And if, unfortunately for you, you fell for it, you started it all over again.
If I was right, it is not because I am a magician, but only because the narcissist always moves in the same pattern (read this article to find out more), and therefore if you wish to change your relationship for the better, know that you must get ready, because a narcissist can change for love, but this only happens after a long and difficult journey together: now it's up to you to decide whether you really want to invest your time and energy on this path.
When a narcissist can change
If you really want to save your relationship, you must also be able to fully understand it: below I have listed some of the conditions that if encountered in the person next to you can give you hope of having some chance of success.
- The narcissist wants to change: this is perhaps the most important feature. Anyone suffering from a psychological problem or a strong addiction, by the time they accept that they are in trouble, has already solved half of their problem. And the same goes for a narcissist: A narcissist can change especially when they accept their sick nature and try to do something to improve the situation.
- The man you have by your side is not a true narcissist: your partner, boyfriend or husband, may just be an ugly person, in the truest sense of the term, without having narcissistic personality disorder. In this case, following a couple therapy can give good results in a much shorter time as it is about character nuances and not real pathologies.
- The narcissist cares about your happiness: this is a double-edged sword, as one of the main reasons that usually leads narcissists to want to heal is just wanting to save a relationship with a woman who, despite themselves, they discover they love. But be careful: this will to change and this newfound love could just be part of a further trick to imprison you again.
- The narcissist accepts reality: the entire life of a person with narcissism syndrome is based on a false reality conceived by his mind. But if he is able to accept himself, the reality around him and his mental disorder, then there is a good chance of making the situation evolve for the better.
- The Narcissistic Man Is Determined To Follow The Therapy: it doesn't happen often and is always a difficult decision, and not just for such a person. This process is long and difficult and the therapy could take weeks or months. But if the person you have by your side is determined to follow such an arduous path then it is very likely that it is one of the very rare cases in which a narcissist can change for love.
When a narcissist cannot change
Conversely, there are situations in which you can understand a priori that the healing process of a narcissistic person can be even more difficult if not impossible. Let's see specifically what are the situations in which a narcissist DON'T it can change:
- The narcissist does not recognize his problem: if this situation occurs it will be impossible to find a solution, indeed the narcissist, as usual, will blame you for all the blame for your discomfort and his behavior. At this point you have only two choices: tighten your chains more or decide to be free.
- The narcissistic man does not address the problem: for all people affected by this problem, running away from problems is always a welcome solution, indeed: as a way out, they could consider, and usually does, to start seeing another woman, complicating a situation even more difficult in itself.
- Narcissistic man does not want to lose power: in a relationship with a narcissistic person, the latter has full control of your life (at least in the vast majority of cases), and consequently has no desire to lose this privilege, let alone for love. When this condition occurs, the best thing to do is to leave it as soon as possible and if you do not know how to do it, you will find useful advice in this article.
- The narcissistic man is devoid of empathy: usually this lack of him is due to the fact that he has no intention of understanding your suffering and discomfort (mostly caused by his behavior), and in this way he has no remorse, he is unable to identify with you and therefore when you it hurts and mortifies you it does it without any problem. And if you don't feel any hesitation in the face of your pain how could it help you change that?
- Narcissistic man is not afraid of losing you: Unfortunately, the fact that a narcissist can change for love is a situation that rarely occurs. Most of the time if he sees that keeping you in check it really costs too much energy he will decide to let you go and maybe win you back during your moment of weakness, but he will never question himself and his modus operandi for your good.
If the narcissist can change, how can you help him?
But if there is a chance to help the narcissist, what can you do to facilitate their change?
The first thing to do is take away its power: Change the way you talk to him and let him know that he must behave well if he wants to receive your attention and that this is the only way not to get lost and to be treated well in turn.
Distance yourself and put yourself at the center of your life: stop responding immediately to his calls and / or messages and if he wants to meet you, do not agree, not always. The narcissist must understand and accept that sometimes you don't have time for him. This will lead him to work again to get your attention and to try to please you.
In the meantime, always without letting your guard down, set boundaries and set boundaries and make sure they are not crossed. You have to protect yourself and your independence. At this point he will realize, for the first time, that he has no control over you and, perhaps, at this point he might consider changing.
If you see the first symptoms of improvement on his part, try to be a little more available (but not too much), so as to make him understand that respect for you and your life is the right way to be able to win you back. Always without exaggerating, he tries to stimulate his feelings to solicit his empathy.
If the narcissist begins to consider therapy (on your or a friend's advice) support him in this decision. This is the time when his crises and second thoughts will attack him, but if you really want your narcissist to change, you have to support him: your strength will be very important to him.
But that's just it the first step: from here on, the narcissist understands that not everything revolves around him and that he too has to get serious about getting something.
A narcissist can change for love: conclusions
Ultimately, we can say that a narcissist can only change for love if they really want to and only if he really loves you. You certainly can be by his side and try to help him, but remember that it will be a long and difficult journey.
Along this journey, always remember to take care of yourself, to cultivate your emotional independence, and not to allow your partner to manipulate you or treat you unworthily.
