Life as a couple cannot offer us everything we want. No one will build the foundations of our existence for us (which are our responsibility), although it may inspire us to do so. Don't wait for your partner to develop your roots, give you direction, or lay the foundation for your existence.
Last update: July 26, 2022
We all feel a feeling of emptiness, simply because we will never be complete. Each of us has to deal with this emptiness, which we often try to fill with love. However, life as a couple will not give everything, even if sometimes we think it is the opposite.
It is true that there are times when love fills us and it is as if we lack nothing. However, they are fleeting moments that have more to do with the idealized perception that falling in love is permeated with concrete reality.
Some people are reluctant to accept it; they think that if their partner doesn't give them a sense of fullness it is because she may not be the right person. As a result, they continue their eternal quest and experience chronic dissatisfaction.
Sooner or later we end up understanding that life as a couple cannot give everything. We will talk about it in the following lines.
“It's not just a feeling. It is also an art. "
-Honoré de Balzac-
What can't life as a couple give?
1. Self-confidence
No partner will be able to give you self-confidence. It is very common that when you are together with the person you love, you feel more confident and full of energy. It is clear that this is one of the great contributions of love: to increase confidence in who we are and in what we can do.
However, if our self-confidence depends on something or someone external to us, it is as if our home has no foundation. At the slightest swing, it can collapse at any moment.
2. Full happiness
Full happiness is something that at best we experience fleetingly and that happens a few times in life. Being in love and being reciprocated is one of those things that makes us feel completely happy, at least for some time.
Infatuation is a short-lived condition that gradually fades over time, even if the love persists. After the initial burst of happiness, calmer phases arrive in which moments of emptiness, contradictions and disagreements can emerge.
3. Absence of pain
There is no way to completely eliminate pain from our lives. And this is a good thing. Pain makes us more human and if we know how to get around it, it gives us valuable lessons.
When you are afraid of pain, you think you have to avoid it at all costs. One of the ways to try is to take refuge in the love that life as a couple gives us.
However, one of the things no partner can give you is pain immunity. In fact, couple love can also cause suffering. More than once you will experience disappointment or disagree with your partner. All of this is inevitable.
4. Total certainties, another thing that life as a couple cannot give
Although those you love usually speak in absolute terms, the truth is, nowhere is it written that a relationship lasts forever. Those who swear eternal love are instead convinced that this will be the case. However, there are countless circumstances that could lead us to change our minds.
Life as a couple is a concession that gives us life. At some point, it is possible for people to separate. Even marriage has a limit: "Till death do you part ...". In this case, it is assumed that there will be a time when the members of the couple will no longer be together. In love there are no total certainties.
5. Meaning of life
When in love, another recurring fantasy is the idea that life finally has real meaning. The partner becomes the engine, the motivation and the goal of our existence. That life that seemed so empty suddenly lights up and everything seems to make sense.
As in other situations, this too is an illusion. We are the ones who have to give meaning to our life. If this sense comes from or depends on an external factor, it is not real. The course of our existence acquires concreteness only if it comes from our research and our discoveries.
6. Constant stability
Uncertainty brings with it a good deal of anguish and it is for this reason that we all, to a greater or lesser extent, seek stability. If the situations are a little more predictable, the feeling of insecurity is less and tends to subside. On the contrary, what is unstable and fickle puts a strain on our nerves.
And even if our partner is stable, it does not mean that he is constantly stable. There can be ups and downs in life as a couple.
Even in the most consolidated and passionate relationships there may be times when one wonders whether it is better to continue the relationship or stop. No partner is infallible to all the trials that life holds for us.
7. Life as a couple and total satisfaction
Dissatisfaction is another of those elements that are part of the life of every human being. No one is so perfect or in full harmony with their partner that they never experience moments of dissatisfaction. There will always be a time when the partner leaves us an emotional void.
Life as a couple cannot give you total satisfaction. True love is built knowing that the partner is not perfect. Coming to terms with one's mistakes and with anything that does not fully meet one's expectations is an unavoidable reality of every couple.
Conclusions
Couples are more solid and lasting when one is aware that the partner is not a means, but an end. And this is also true when a person has managed to find a certain balance in autonomy and does not depend on the partner to achieve it.
