In the couple both partners merge. It is certainly important to have a shared space, as well as an individual and fulfilling one. How to reconcile the two aspects?
Last update: 16 November 2022
Love relationships can be filled with happy, shared moments that give rise to memories and strengthen the bond. However, to increase these moments, it is essential to face certain conversations, in some cases unpleasant. It is essential, for example, discuss how to delimit the spaces in the couple.
Often in relationships this point is overlooked and various problems arise. However, it should be noted that it is not an easy path and that it occurs from one moment to the next. In reality, it is a dynamic that must be developed together.
Define personal spaces in the couple relationship
When two people start a relationship, say they usually have certain expectations about couple dynamics. It may seem like all roses at first, but some friction may arise over time.
One of the most common problems is the delimitation of personal spaces in the relationship. In some cases, we see couples spending so much time together that they cut out the activities they love individually.
On the other hand, some people focus so much on their individual concerns that they take the couple's time away. As with many other things in life, extremes can be negative.
A couple who doesn't allow themselves spaces to enjoy separately can feel overwhelmed. Similarly, those who do not cultivate common ground tend to forge weak bonds. In light of this, it is essential to learn to delimit the spaces in the couple.
Strategies for delimiting spaces in the couple
For some people, the thought of not having a partner can reveal irrational insecurities and fears. For example, there are those who think that without a partner, nothing makes sense. On the other hand, there are those who find it difficult to give up their fun and ignore the other.
A healthy relationship presents harmony between the two parties. He enjoys time as a couple, but both partners are also aware of the importance of being alone. Thus, they are able to carry out individual activities without this being a problem for the relationship.
At this point the question arises: how to define the spaces in the couple? There is no simple solution. Each relationship is unique, so each must find a way to balance. However, some strategies can help achieve the goal.
1. Talk to your partner
If you feel that there is a problem of delimitation of spaces within the relationship, the first step is to recognize it. The ideal, therefore, is to have a conversation with your partner in a suitable place and time.
Beyond that, it is recommended not to address the subject in moments of anger or distraction. We need to make sure we express our feelings in a calm, respectful and honest way.
Therefore, listen to your partner once an agreement is reached, so that it will be easier to proceed. In this way, we can work together to improve the relationship.
2. Recognize your own and partner's needs
It is important to remember that the partner does not always think like us. Its space and time needs, therefore, may differ from yours.
For example, the partner may want more space for themselves. That doesn't mean she doesn't love, just that she has different needs.
In the same way, It is essential to be aware of your expectations regarding time alone and as a couple. Only in this way will it be possible to reach agreements on the spaces to dedicate to the relationship and to oneself.
3. Find activities that you both enjoy
Another fundamental aspect to consider to delimit the spaces in the couple is mutual fun. Shared moments that are fun for both of us. To do this, it is useful to identify activities that meet this requirement.
4. Avoid monopolizing your partner's space
Individual spaces must therefore be respected no limits should be imposed on the partner on what to do in their own time.
An example would be that our partner likes rock concerts and we don't. In that case, if you decide to go to a rock festival with other people, there is no reason to ban it. As long as the activities that take place on their own do not break the agreements of the relationship, no conflicts should arise.
The importance of knowing how to delimit the spaces in the couple
The reason why every couple should worry about better delimiting their spaces is respect. Giving the other time to be himself is a demonstration of love and respect. Based on this principle, respect is an essential element of any relationship.
Hendrick and Hendrick (2006) published a study on respect in love relationships. The study in question underlines that respect is crucial for optimal personal development, consequently it also favors relational growth. It is also associated with other positive variables such as marital satisfaction and happiness.
Finally, it's okay to ask for help if you are having difficulty defining personal spaces. Establishing these dynamics takes time and effort, so sometimes the situation can overwhelm the couple. In these cases, the psychologist or psychotherapist will be able to offer the necessary tools to lead in the conflict.
