Sometimes it can be difficult to define love, because it is a subject that has been addressed from so many points of view. For this reason, perhaps it is better to start defining what love is NOT.
Last update: 24 March, 2022
At some point in our life, it is possible to ask ourselves the following question: do we really know how to distinguish love from the need for a partner? And, going a little further, do we really know what love is? And why is it different from a need?
Speaking of love, in any of its expressions, becomes very complicated due to the excessive use that has been given to this word in very different contexts.
Being much more than a word, to understand how to distinguish love from the need of the other, it may be necessary to emphasize what is NOT love, rather than the other way around.
Love is NOT ...
- The word "love" (if you define it, it isn't).
- Possession (what you own possesses you, cannot be blocked or trapped).
- Thought (don't just think "I love", practice it and feel the love).
- Interest (where there is reason, there is no love, it is not listed on the stock exchange, love is, and that's it).
- Need (it does not serve to fill the voids of the ego).
- Temporary (it is not in you, it is in the always and in the present).
And the couple does NOT consist of ...
- "To be a couple", but to be free.
- Making promises, but it means both of you are at the helm.
- A signature, but in affirming freedoms.
Furthermore:
- It doesn't need demonstrations, but communication.
- Masks or a fictitious image.
- It is not falling in love, this phase is only neurochemical and, sooner or later, it ends.
As for couple love, in its many manifestations, falling in love is the most confusing phase, since this transient state involves an alteration of neurotransmitters (dopamine and noradrenaline increase and serotonin decreases) with a very similar effect drug addiction. It is therefore advisable to let this altered state of falling in love pass before making decisions.
According to psychologist John Bradshaw, lasting relationships must overcome falling in love, or a transitional state, to reach a state of "companionship".
A much discussed study evaluated how we change our memories when we talk about falling in love. Holmberg and Holmes (1994) interviewed 400 married couples who claimed to be very well and in love.
Two years later, they were interviewed again and couples who had separated or were in a worse situation said the relationship had gone wrong from the start. This allows us to see that we are capable of building memories that justify our decisions. Now, let's see what a love relationship is.
The love relationship: how to distinguish love and the other person's need?
- It is to express yourself in every way.
- It's total freedom (otherwise, it's not a relationship).
- It is playing without rules, because there are no rules if there is love.
- It is imagination, surprise and unconditional support.
- It is respect for oneself and respect for both.
- It is driving on a potholed road, and controlling the wheels in two.
- A relationship is not commitment, but liberation.
Over the years, freedoms become less and less evident and judgments, pride and ego increase. To all this, we add the problem of technology, with the consequent increase in interest in the image and superficiality with respect to human depth.
Cosmetic surgery operations, obsession with getting others' approval and general decadence are on the rise, as is physical exhibitionism through social networks and telephones; we have come to a point where specific treatments and therapies already exist for this huge problem of the modern era.
Institutionalization does not allow to distinguish love and hinders it
Institutionalization
It cannot be locked up in temples, sects, religions, fashions, rites or philosophies. Do we think we can label, classify or appropriate freedom? THElove has no sanctuaries, because it is found when one does not seek and appears only when the obstacles are removed.
Was there no light when the room was closed with curtains? Just open them, there freedom is not sought, it appears when we realize we are living in a prison.
Results
A nightingale doesn't mind being applauded and from this naturalness comes the beauty of its melodies. Sometimes love is considered an achievement, something very laborious. But when you think about it, it's about removing rather than adding, so let's talk about removing obstacles.
It also happens with hobbies and attitudes. We are not educated to love what we do, but to love the result and seek recognition. This takes us away from the beauty of natural passion, which arises from aimless behavior, from a reaction to harmony with the surrounding environment.
Conditioning
To break and question any condition that contains and hides the capacity to love that we carry within. What are the things you do because you believe it is what is expected of you and what you do for pure personal pleasure?
There are people so trapped in identification that they love more a symbol than a person, a flag or an ideology as a priority, to divide and feel special. They are deficiencies and gaps that appear when one is afraid of loving, because love, on the other hand, sweeps away everything that was believed to be certain.
Attachment
Confusing love with the need of the other is a very common behavior. Many teenagers start a relationship because their friends already have a partner and they think it is better to have one before they learn to manage loneliness, fear, estrangement, protection ... This is a clear example of how attachment can make us. mentally dependent on another person.
Since love is freedom, attachment is an obstacle to love and you need to know how to work on this problem. Sharing freedoms makes us strong, addiction takes us away from love.
The ego makes love disappear and leaves room for the need of the other
In short, the love appears when the ego disappears, with its need for attention. There are many trains that go through our life; everyone reminds us of it and everyone reproaches it. "Take the train! This is your chance! ”. And no one, no one, no one… reminds us that, sometimes, we must first get off the one we are traveling on.
