Family myths are tasked with hiding family secrets that cause discomfort, shame, or guilt. They survive because they tend to protect, defend and organize the family structure, saving secrets that are passed on from generation to generation.
Last update: Augusts 29, 2022
Family myths are beliefs and fantasies shared by the whole family. These beliefs concern the family itself and the bonds that unite it. They are accepted as true and determine the behavior of the individual and the collectivity of that human group; in addition to this, they determine the roles of the individual.
In general, family myths belong to the preconscious, that is, they move between the dimension of consciousness and the unconscious. This means that the family recognizes that they have certain beliefs, but it is not clear how far they go or why they are taken to be true.
Although family myths are defined as a fictitious belief, of course behind them we almost always find painful or intolerable truths for the family. Broadly speaking, clues to the existence of these myths are found in secret or implicit norms that each family nurtures from within.
The family is like a cage; the birds outside are eager to get in and those inside are eager to get out.
-Michel de Montaigne-
The characteristics of family myths
Family myths take shape above all in the assignment of family roles. These beliefs define who is "the black sheep" or the "role model", etc. There tends to be strong resistance to role changes; in some cases, moreover, this aspect becomes a taboo. Other features of these myths are as follows:
- They define relationships within the family.
- They represent the image that the family has of itself.
- We strongly resist any attempt to change beliefs.
- They have the task of hiding a reality that the family refuses to accept.
- Have always a basis of truth.
- They are transmitted from generation to generation.
- They are present in all families, to a greater or lesser extent.
- They represent a way in which the family relates to the cultural environment.
These myths are basically of three types: stories for instilling harmony, redemption from guilt, reparation, and salvation. Let's see them together.
Harmonious family myths
Stories to instill harmony they belong to those families who build an idyllic image of themselves. These develop a series of behaviors to convince themselves that balance, unity and fraternity reign among their members. In short, as if there were no problems in that family.
In principle, the family in question builds a facade image for the others. There is a sense of guilt that one intends to bury and the idea of ​​perfect harmony serves as a means of not being accused or judged by others. Depression and boredom typically occur in these families, as well as strong unresolved hostilities.
Myths of excuses and redemption
These myths are more complex as they require deeper elaboration. In this case one or more members are blamed for misfortune or family problems. These people can be alive or dead; sometimes an individual outside the family is also blamed, but who has some relationship with it.
The most obvious example is that of the "scapegoat", whoever occupies this role is blamed for existing difficulties or problems. This dynamic redeems other family members from their responsibilities. In this case, a collective projection mechanism is activated.
Myths about salvation
When familiar myths about salvation are present, family members construct the figure of the "mythical savior". The latter is a character from whom an intervention of redemption is expected, whether it is about a specific problem or general difficulties. This savior is believed to have the power to offer what is missing and unlock what does not go away.
The figure of the mythical savior can be embodied by one of the family members, but it can also be an external figure. Very often families take on this role of psychologist, but the truth is that they should undertake a path of psychotherapy.
The more pathological the family relationships, the more often family myths tend to arise and consolidate. These are part of the wrong path for addressing, without actually addressing them, problems that need to be monitored and solved.
