Women find camaraderie and shared interests in male friends. Men find emotional support in friends that their male counterparts can't offer. It would seem like the perfect friendship relationship. So what is wrong with it?
Last update: Augusts 28, 2022
Friendship between man and woman, a question that arouses much scientific interest, especially in the psychological field. Gender equality has brought about many changes and one of them is how we relate to others. Men and women are increasingly sharing many aspects of life equally, but can you really just be friends?
Evolutionary psychology seems to have an answer as to why it doesn't always work, but in the meantime more and more people are choosing to have friends of the opposite sex. Apparently, and as often happens, the answer lies in the ability to understand ourselves and our environment.
Without the development of this skill it is possible that men and women tend to misinterpret signals. Misunderstandings of this kind are one of the biggest obstacles to true friendship between man and woman, with no romantic comedy in between.
What is meant by friendship?
We all know what friendship is all about, but what's important to point out here is how it takes on different shades for men and women. Friendship is a relationship made up of shared interests, support and companionship. But men and women interpret it very differently.
Men develop a sense of friendship with each other based on activities. They are more casual relationships that define themselves "side by side". They are not very intimate relationships - men tend not to share their feelings with other men. They prefer to share interests, value camaraderie, and friendship is long-lasting.
Women are a different world. Friendship between women is not so much conceived as "side by side" but rather as "face to face". The relationship is based on intimacy, shared feelings and thoughts. They are much more emotional and contact-dependent relationships.
A sense of humor is another factor that distinguishes the two sexes. While men learn to make fun of themselves for a laugh (which is given little importance), women tend not to use an offensive sense of humor for fear of hurting their friend.
We are much more alike than we think
In reality, when viewed like this, friendship between a man and a woman turns out to be much more complete than that between people of the same sex. Women find in male friends camaraderie and a passion for activities, hobbies, academic or business topics. Men find emotional support in their friends that their male counterparts can't offer.
In this way it seems, a priori, the perfect friendship relationship. The bonds of connection are many and both sides bring innumerable benefits to each other. So what is wrong with it?
According to several studies, it would be the tension or the sexual or romantic attraction to negatively affect.
Misinterpretation of signals
A study conducted at the Norwegian University of Science and Technology, and published in the journal Evolutionary Psychology, found that men and women often misunderstand each other's signals of sexual interest. We are unable to interpret the signs of sexual interest when our friendship belongs to the other sex.
It seems, in fact, that women interpret the signals of sexual interest as friendship and men, usually, exactly the opposite. Previous research has already provided little encouraging data in this regard.
Studies on natural selection have shown that men perceive sexual interest excessively. According to this evolutionary view, they are more likely to be sexually attracted to female friends.
While this innate instinct of the male sex is a matter of debate among evolutionists, the truth is that it is not a decisive factor. Before throwing in the towel and resigning ourselves to not understanding each other, it is good to know that this factor hinders the friendship relationship, but does not make it completely impossible.
Friendship between man and woman is possible!
The good news is that the younger generation, the young (the so-called generation Y), they are developing far fewer difficulties in establishing and maintaining quality friendships with the opposite gender. In fact, it is absolutely normal for them to be just friends. On the contrary, it is equally evident that older people seem to have a few more difficulties.
In the past, men and women related purely for romantic and reproductive matters. But today, in many parts of the world, men and women interact in ways that are historically unprecedented. We work together, we study together, we share free time and interest in many issues that unite us much more than they separate us.
Friendship between man and woman: how to make it work?
As in many other aspects of personal development, the healthy friendship between men and women seems to have some secrets that deserve to be dusted off and put into practice by both men and women.
Although men generally misinterpret signs of sexual interest, so do women sometimes misunderstand the signs of romantic interest in men. When friendship hides any hope of ending up in a romance or bed relationship, you inevitably risk hurting the other.
Learning to set limits for yourself and for others is essential for the success of a good friendship between man and woman. After all, respect and boundaries are something we all unconsciously impose even in same-sex friendships.
Friends do not invade each other's personal space or time. In every friendship there are implicit rules that no one questions. And these same rules must be respected when our friends are of the opposite sex.
Overcoming our most basic instincts as adults and doing a good exercise in emotional intelligence can help us develop friendships with the opposite sex that are sure to bring many positive aspects to our life experience.
Friendship between men and women is not only possible, but it is probably the most complete friendship there is. As is almost always the case, it is a matter of personal evolution.
