There is no magic formula to know if we can trust a person or not. The psychology of personality, however, tries to give us some food for thought. Thanks to it we can get to know a person better and understand if he is worthy of our trust.
Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2022
How to get to know a person? How to know if we can trust her, if it is worthwhile to establish a bond of friendship or even a couple relationship? We are all aware of how, more often than not, choosing a partner is a leap into the void. Understanding personalities and values ​​is a long process that takes time.
Yet, no doubt more than one person would like to have some kind of infrared reader capable of deciphering who is in front of him; to find out if a particular colleague can be an ally or a rival, or if our children's friends will have a positive or negative influence on them. Who, on a first date, would not like to understand in an instant if the person in front of her can be her life partner?
Instead we are forced to take a leap of faith, to trust others and to immerse ourselves fully in that interesting process that is knowing a person. A complex process full of uncertainties, but also of beauty and emotions, and which is always worth carrying out.
“People would do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid looking at their souls. As far as we can discern, the only purpose of human existence is to turn on a light in the darkness of mere being. "
-Carl Jung-
There are elements that can guide us in a better understanding of human behavior and character. Factors confirmed by psychology and related to personality, which can prove to be very useful for getting to know a person. Let's find out in this article.
How to get to know a person: aspects to consider
A long time has passed since Carl Jung wrote his work Psychological Types in 1921. Yet much of what is told in that book is still useful to us today. Especially the theory that every person is somewhere between introversion and extroversion.
This is perhaps the most easily identifiable aspect of a person. Through her way of opening up, relating and behaving, we can guess if she is reserved or expansive. But to get a more precise and in-depth idea of ​​a person there are other aspects.
The Three Levels of Dan McAdams
Dan McAdams is professor and director of the psychology department at Northwestern University. He is known for his interesting studies on personality, especially for his theory on the three levels of knowledge. A theory that allows us today to understand a person through a series of aspects or phases.
- The first phase refers to what is general, evident and easily observable. We refer to all those traits that help us understand if someone is introverted, outgoing, shy, cheeky. Information that we can obtain in a short time.
- The second phase takes place on a more intimate level. What worries the person in front of us? What motivates you? What are your interests and what do you value? This level requires a minimum of time spent with the person. Answering the questions just posed helps us a lot to get to know a person.
- The third level of getting to know a person is to see how they describe themselves. The way he perceives himself (with high or low self-esteem) or the way he has built his life path (if he is a person who values ​​nothing or if he knows how to enjoy life), provide us with valuable information. In fact, we can guess characteristics such as narcissism, selfishness, possible defense mechanisms and much more.
How to know a person according to Wake Forest University
Wake Forest University conducted a study directed by Dr. Dustin Whood in 2010, in which we tried to identify which aspect could best help us understand if a person is trustworthy or not.
As curious as it may seem, the study identified a particularly significant factor. To get to know a person, to even be able to identify characteristic traits such as narcissism or antisocial behavior, it would be enough to see how he treats others and, above all, how he perceives them.
According to this study, people who give others a positive connotation, who see the positive side of their surroundings or refrain from criticizing those they don't know, enjoy a healthy personality. In reverse, whoever labels, despises or always has an ironic and negative comment on others, shows a dark and unreliable personality.
Getting to know a person and understanding if we can trust you is a long process that takes a long time. It is not enough to have a conversation, nor to see how he treats us (whether he is kind, funny or smart). Observing how he behaves towards others could be decisive to get an idea about that person.
