One of the first thoughts that pop up after a breakup is "what if I give him / her another chance?". However, you have to think very well about this decision, we explain why in this article.
Last update: April 21, 2022
We all know one or more couples who broke up and got back together more than once. They try, but in the end, giving a second chance doesn't seem to work. So much so that it becomes a third, fourth, fifth chance until you give up.
Giving a second chance is not a viable alternative for all couples, as in some cases there is strong resentment. This occurs when you are unable to overcome unresolved problems or certain circumstances.
If you make a commitment to change, giving a second chance can work.
Many times giving a second chance even improves the relationship, because the two people were able to make the most of the time they spent apart.
This is not true, however, for all couples, which is why the most common scenario is not being able to carry on the relationship.
Giving a second chance doesn't usually work
Why doesn't giving a second chance usually work? For one simple reason: we come back together for the wrong reasons. These can range from needing to feeling empty after a long-term relationship.
All of this can mean that they are suffering from emotional addiction, a problem that affects many people today.
If we go back to our partner for the wrong reasons, it is impossible for the relationship to continue. In these cases, another chance is given to combat the sense of loneliness, because they are unable to go on with their life, to tolerate sadness or overcome the breakup.
You miss the ex partner because you are unable to be alone and this is definitely negative. The problems that led to the breakup will still be there, they will show up again, and they will fall back into a toxic relationship that will only cause suffering.
In these cases we need a partner because we fear the loneliness and the feeling of emptiness that comes when we stretch out our arms in bed and do not touch anyone, when there is no one to help us carry the shopping bags or hug us and kiss us.
"Dependence on the person you love is a way of burying oneself in life, an act of psychological self-mutilation in which self-love, self-respect and self-essence are offered and given away irrationally."
-Walter Rice-
Perhaps you have made the big mistake of placing your happiness in the hands of your partner and that eventually takes over. One is unable to lead life alone, to see beyond the relationship.
It is common to think that without that person life has no future or meaning. What is not known in these cases is that we can be happy even alone, indeed that it is extremely useful to spend some time alone with ourselves.
Taking advantage of the time when you are single, we can analyze and see the relationship in another modo, from different perspectives.
This will allow us to see if we have made the right choice, if it is worth giving a second chance to the relationship or if the breakup is the most sensible option for both of us.
The soul mate does not exist
Giving a second chance is okay when you have taken advantage of your time alone. In other words, when they thought about it, they saw everything from another angle before making a bad decision.
They know that they are life partners, but also individual beings and that their happiness does not depend on the partner but from themselves, therefore they are not afraid of being alone. They choose to share their life with the other person, they don't see it as the breath of their life.
Many, however, are still convinced that there is a soul mate and this idea leads to the desire to be in a relationship. But beware, the desire feeds on having a relationship, not falling in love.
These are two very different things that can lead you to believe that you are in love when in reality you just want someone by your side.
"Have you ever confused the need for love?"
-Robert Fisher-
Give a second chance: sometimes yes, sometimes no
Choose to give it a second chance it also depends on the problems that led to the breakup. Take the case of a betrayal: if the person fails to overcome this terrible disappointment, trying again would be a waste of time.
Unintentionally, he would recriminate certain facts to his partner, would not trust him / her and would doubt everything. Such a dynamic would not be good for either of us.
In light of the above, before giving the relationship a second chance, it is important to clarify and solve problems.
In this way it will be possible to resume the relationship without rancor and aware of being independent individuals who are not together because they are unable to be alone. Only in this way will the second chances be successful.
