Giving love with sincerity, passion and affection ennobles us. The same is not true for those who do not know how to receive it or take care of this immense gift.
Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: December 22, 2022
Giving love with sincerity, passion and affection ennobles us. The same is not true for those who do not know how to receive it or take care of this immense gift. We should never regret having loved and lost, because the worst thing is not knowing how to love.
Neuroscience offers us revealing information day by day that explains human conduct in the throes of love. The first fact to remember is that the human brain is not prepared for loss, this immobilizes us and locks us up for a while in the palace of suffering.
"Love has no cure, but it is the cure for all ills"
-Leonard Cohen-
Love and human evolution
We are genetically programmed to connect with each other and to build emotional bonds with which to feel safe, with which to build a project.
This is how we survived as a species, "connecting", so a loss, a separation and even a simple misunderstanding instantly activates the alarm signal in our brain. Another complex aspect in terms of emotional relationships is the way we deal with this separation, called rupture.
From a neurological point of view, it can be said that stress hormones start to be released instantly in many cases forming what is known as broken heart syndrome.
From an emotional and psychological point of view, there is a very different reality. Not only do you suffer due to the lack of a loved one, there is also a loss of energy, of vital breath.
It is as if all the love given, all the hopes and affections dedicated to that person had vanished, leaving empty, sterile, withered. How can we love again if only the dust of a bad memory lives within us? We have to face these moments differently.
Give love or avoid loving again
We are all a delicate and chaotic compendium of past stories, lived emotions, buried bitterness and camouflaged fears.
When starting a new relationship, past experiences are taken into account. Nobody starts with "0". The way in which we have managed our past will make us live an affective and emotional present with greater maturity, with greater fullness.
“It is better to have loved and lost
than having never loved at all "
-Alfred Lord Tennyson-
Having experienced a bitter betrayal or, simply, perceiving that love has vanished in the partner's heart greatly changes the way we see things.
Giving love with intensity for a certain time and then remaining empty and closed in the room of memories and lost illusions changes the architecture of our personality many times.
There is no shortage of those who become suspicious and also those who gradually develop the cold and iron armor of isolation in which to internalize the classic mantra of "better not to love so as not to suffer". However, it is necessary to break down an underlying idea in these processes of slow "self-destruction".
We must never regret having loved, risking all or nothing for the other person. They are those acts that ennoble us, that make us human and wonderful at the same time.
To live is to love and to love is to give meaning to our life through everything we do: our work, our hobbies, our personal and emotional relationships. If we give up on love or regret offering it, we also give up the best part of ourselves.
Healing from lost love
According to a study conducted at University College London, there are some differences between men and women when it comes to dealing with an emotional breakdown.
The emotional response appears to be very different. Women feel much more of the impact of separation, however they generally recover earlier than men.
The latter, for their part, seem to be well, wear the mask of strength, take refuge in their occupations and responsibilities. However, they don't always make it through that break or take years to do so. The reason?
Women are usually better able to manage their own emotional world. Finding relief, seeking support, and dealing with what happened from a forgiveness perspective and moving on often makes things easier.
Be that as it may, and regardless of gender or the reason that caused this breakup, certain ideas must be injected into our hearts like a vaccine.
No bad story should stop us from being happy again. We say "no" to being slaves of the past and eternal prisoners of suffering.
Giving love is good
It is good to remember that giving love is not synonymous with suffering. However, we must not feed hopes or stretch the "chewing gum" of a relationship that has an expiration date in advance.
A punctual retreat saves hearts and a courageous farewell closes one door to open another, the one where love is always conjugated with the word HAPPINESS.
Main image courtesy of Amanda Cass
