How to be happy and serene to rediscover the forgotten well-being.
From time to time it is good to take a break in our pursuit of happiness and simply be happy.
Guillame ApollinaireHappiness can be regarded as a gift we make to ourselves, a sort of self-gift that we can choose to live or to abandon.
When you are talking about happiness we generally mean that pleasant psychophysical state in which we perceive a sense of general well-being that almost accompanies us in every single moment of our life.
The concept of happiness is certainly subjective: if we observe children we can see that they have fun and manage to be happy with very little, while we adults, almost as if we have lost something, need to more powerful stimuli.
In this article we will first see why being happy is a right that each of us has and then we will understand how to be happy with some very important precautions.
Being happy: a right we all have
When it comes to your own pursuit of happiness you have to keep in mind that each of us has the right to be happy, to thrive and feel good about yourself.
Very often I hear people saying:
- Someone like me doesn't deserve happiness!
- I am sad of mine!
- My very disposition makes me miserable!
- I will never be happy!
- I don't know what happiness is!
- I can't be happy!
- Happiness is not part of my character!
- I'm fine when I'm unhappy!
- I would like to be happy but ...
These phrases sadden me and make me realize that there is probably an underlying problem: perhaps with self-esteem or perhaps with a very deep-rooted limiting belief.
Anyway if you have reached this article maybe you have understood that you can be happy and that be happy in your life it is a right that nobody can take away from you.
Now that we have clarified this very important aspect, let's see how to be happy.
How to be happy and find your joy
# 1 Those roles that are so dear to society
That of the roles is a beautiful tale that not only tell us from an early age, but they force us to live from the first minute of life as if it were real.
The story is a sort of collectors' game where each of us accumulates titles and labels to use in various circumstances.
What are these labels that we carry to our ears as if we were dairy cows?
Let's see some of them so you will immediately understand what I'm talking about.
- Father
- Engineer
- Son
- Lover
- Manager
- Business owner
- Simpatico
- Beautiful
Each of us owns many of these labels and maybe, many of them, we don't even know we have them because they are attributed to us without our knowledge.
But why can these simple social conventions severely undermine our ability to be happy?
These titles and categorizations fit us into circuits of thoughts, often harmful to our happiness, sometimes leading straight to self-fulfilling prophecies.
Try to think about it seriously: has this ever happened to you influenced by one of these labels?
Has it ever happened to you that you were introduced to a person you didn't know as nice or funny and had a particular feeling?
As if others are expecting you to actually say something funny, maybe tell a joke?
Or have you never felt almost compelled to behave in a certain way that would fully fit into your title, as a doctor or an engineer?
Have you ever talked to a very beautiful person thinking they were not smart?
Obviously the opposite may have happened to you: if you presented yourself, for example, as an entrepreneur, whose current idea is of the rich man who is a bit spendthrift, knowing that, wouldn't you behave differently, perhaps to flaunt that it is not so for you?
If on reflection you have understood that it has happened that you cannot be yourself because of these roles that are entrusted to us, you know that sometimes they lead to the inability to express oneself freely and consequently to an unpleasant feeling of oppression.
How to do it then?
We need to be aware of two things:
- Roles in society serve and apparently make it work
- Roles can be a guide to orientation: but you are not a label
Don't take on the roles others give you.
Use titles for their orientation but don't be swayed by them, especially to the detriment of your happiness.
By freeing yourself from these social labels you can feel yourself, free from the plays imposed by society and ultimately be happy.
Under any label is independent content: you.
# 2 Choose your job carefully
The work, useless to pretend that it is not so, is our business card; also by it we are identified and labeled just as we saw in the previous paragraph.
When we get to know a person and start interacting with him, one of the first questions that arises is: what work do you do?
When I hear chatter of this type, I generally notice 3 types of responses.
- An answer given in a neutral tone as if speaking of a comet light years away in a distant galaxy far away
- A haggard and complaining answer from those who can't take it anymore and who would rather ice skating in the desert
- A sunny response, full of life and satisfaction for what he is doing
It goes without saying that the first and second answers are the most frequent.
This happens because we know very well that work takes up most of our day and our attention.
The employment we carry out is strongly capable of influencing the our state of happiness and it is often the tip of the balance that defines whether a day was good or bad.
I'm sure deep down you were already fully aware of this fact, but often we have a tendency to avoid certain topics when we reflect.
We tend to avoid them because we know that we don't like the answer: perhaps because it requires an unpleasant action that we must take to change the situation.
learn to be happy we must therefore do a good examination of conscience and ask ourselves:
Am I really doing a job that makes me happy, proud and rewarded?
If the answer is No, depending on your situation you can choose to improve the environment in which you work or to change it.
Obviously don't give up all of a sudden, think and find a strategy that can lead you to a job that makes you happy.
If, on the other hand, you have not yet entered the world of work, try to imagine yourself carrying out the tasks you are preparing for.
Is the vision you have a happy image?
# 3 Be happy by practicing deliberate happiness
Practicing deliberate happiness is the most effective method of giving yourself well-being, prosperity and learn how to be happy.
Maybe you often repeat to yourself "I want to be happy!" as if words alone could give you the joy you desire.
However, being happy is a choice that must be lived with awareness.
Wanting happiness is not enough, you have to live it.
In this regard, as a tradition of Personal Growth Lovers, I bring you a short oriental tale to better explain the concept.
Please read it, your happiness is at stake.
After a long and courageous life, a valiant samurai arrived in the afterlife and was destined for heaven. He was a guy full of curiosity and asked to have a look at hell first too.
An angel obliged him.
He found himself in a huge hall that had a table set in the center with plates full of succulent dishes and unimaginable delicacies. But the diners, who sat all around, were gaunt, pale, bruised and skeletal to be pitying.
"How is it possible?" the samurai asked his guide. "With all that goodness in front of you!"
“There are cutlery for eating, only they are more than a meter long and must be strictly gripped at the end. Only in this way can they bring food to their mouths "
The brave samurai shivered. The punishment of those poor people was terrible who, no matter how hard they tried, could not get even a crumb under their teeth.
He didn't want to see anything else and asked to go immediately to heaven.
Here a surprise awaited him.
Heaven was an absolutely identical hall to hell.
Inside the immense hall there was an infinite table of people sitting in front of an identical parade of delicious dishes.
Not only that: all the diners were equipped with the same sticks more than a meter long, to be gripped at the end to bring the food to the mouth.
There was only one difference: here the people around the table were cheerful, well-fed, bursting with joy.
"But how is it possible?" Asked the brave samurai in amazement.
The angel smiled: “In hell everyone struggles to grab the food and bring it to their mouth, because this is how they have always behaved in their life.
Here, on the contrary, everyone takes their food with sticks and then takes care to feed their neighbor ".
Heaven and hell are in your hands. Today.
Being happy is your choice and often small tricks or slightly different points of view are really enough to transform one's world, exactly as we have seen in this fairy tale.
You understand now?
Remember to change your point of view and try to be deliberately happy.
# 4 Confess something you're ashamed of
Sometimes it is our faults that make us unhappy, and this last indication goes beyond awareness to embrace the practice.
Confessing our flaws, talking about it and reasoning about it with someone is an excellent way to take off power to what we consider a weakness.
The idea is to stop hiding a defect in all ways by trying to hide it or to pretend it doesn't exist.
By confessing a small flaw you will immediately release a small amount of happiness, feeling inwardly lighter and more peaceful.
There are different types of secrets, for example those that we can't even confess to ourselves.
Sometimes it may happen that we do not deliberately reflect on some things because we are afraid of what might arise from them.
We are afraid to ask ourselves certain questions because deep down we know that we will not like the answer.
This state of emotional uncertainty, due to something we feel inside but cannot confess, often prevents us from being happy.
Be honest with yourself and speak directly with loyalty: happiness also comes from the sincerity we have towards ourselves.
# 5 How to be happy by refusing gifts we don't want
Often one of the problems that prevent us from being happy are provocations and more generally, what people do they think and say about us.
To understand how to get rid of these burdens and be able to be happy, let's see another very interesting Zen story.
If you are wondering why I offer you all these stories, know that there is a good reason.
Parables, as I have said on other occasions, are an excellent method for discovering, assimilating and remembering a concept, in one word. become aware of it.
I also grew up side by side with martial arts and with masters who brought me closer to Zen, often teaching me lessons thanks to stories: I can therefore guarantee that they are of great help.
So let's see the parable of the wise samurai to get rid of bad thoughts, insults and malaise that comes to us from others.
Once upon a time there was an elderly and wise samurai who dedicated himself to teaching Zen Buddhism to young students.
Despite his age, there was a legend that he was still capable of defeating any opponent.
One afternoon a young warrior who was known for his total lack of scruples showed up.
He was famous for the use of the technique of provocation: he waited for the opponent to make the first move and, endowed with an exceptional intelligence that allowed him to foresee the mistakes that the opponent would make, he counterattacked with lightning speed.
This young and impatient warrior had never lost a fight.
Knowing the reputation of the wise samurai, he had decided to challenge him, defeat him and thus increase his fame.
All the pupils of the old samurai declared themselves opposed to the idea, but the master still decided to accept the challenge launched by the young warrior.
They all went to the town square: the young man began to insult the elderly teacher.
He first threw a few stones in his direction, then spat in his face.
He yelled at him all the insults he knew, even offending his ancestors.
For long hours he did everything to provoke him, yet the old man remained impassive.
Towards the end of the afternoon, when he felt exhausted and humiliated, the impetuous warrior withdrew.
Disappointed by the fact that the teacher had accepted so many insults and so many provocations without reacting, the students asked him:
“How could you have endured so many unworthiness? Why didn't you use your sword? Even knowing that you could have lost the fight, you would have shown your courage! People will think you are a coward! "
The wise old samurai then asked them:
"If someone approaches you with a gift and you don't accept it, who does the gift belong to?"
“It belongs to whoever tried to give it away,” one of the boys replied.
“The same goes for envy, anger and insults,” said the wise samurai.
"When envy, anger and insults are not accepted, they continue to belong to those who carry them with them".
You understand what you need to do to get rid of bad thoughts coming from outside?
We must treat them as a gift that does not belong to us and simply refuse them.
It is often difficult to refuse setbacks, offenses, insults and insolence that affect us, but it is important to react to live freer and happier.
Questions and Answers about happiness
#1 What does it mean to be happy?
As we have seen, happiness is a relative concept, but in general, being happy means feeling good with oneself and with others, living with joy and serenity.
#2 How does it feel to be happy?
You can answer this question yourself by recalling a single moment in your life when you felt really good.
#3 Can one be unable to be happy?
I have known several people who could not be happy for one reason or another; it was often a problem with oneself and one's beliefs.
#4 How do some people always be happy and sunny?
Some people are particularly sunny for various reasons: there are those who are very gratified by work, friendships or family, other people instead love what they do, then there are those who simply prefer to take life with a smile rather than with the snout.
#5 Can you be afraid of being happy?
There are people who have a deep fear of being able to achieve happiness, often due to the belief that following a joy must necessarily follow unpleasant and painful events: this problem is known as cherophobia.
#6 Can you be happy without money?
The economic factor can influence our ability to be happy, however it becomes important only if we consider it important: happy people exist everywhere, be they rich or poor, anywhere in the world.
#7 Is it possible to have it all and not be happy?
If you do not have happiness you cannot say that you have everything, as I wrote happiness generally travels on a different track from material objects and from the opinions of others.
#8 Can You Be Happy Alone?
In my opinion it is more difficult to feel happy alone than in company, however each person is different and everyone can find happiness in their own way.
How to be happy in life
As you will have understood, it is possible to learn how to be happy thanks to greater self-awareness and experience.
Let's see some extra tips for cultivating happiness:
- Build gratitude towards the little things, perhaps by keeping a gratitude journal
- Turn a passion into something more important and stimulating
- Develop your emotional independence by not being overwhelmed by the judgments of others
- Spend more time with people who put you in a good mood
- Reassess what you already have, it is often more than enough to be happy
- Let go of that rancor that haunts and torments you
- Let go of a complaint that you hear frequently inside of you
- Tackle problems with a positive spirit without letting yourself be disheartened
- Try to be 100% honest with yourself Don't be afraid to admit that you are unhappy, on the contrary, doing it is the first step to change
- Don't accept offenses that don't belong to you
- Confess the flaw you feel most ashamed of
- Practice deliberate happiness, repeating to yourself "I want to be happy" is not enough
- Don't think that others are happy just because they seem happy, go deeper
