Today I want to explain to you how to improve your life simply eliminating the sand inside the gear of our existence.
Imagine a mechanical watch, all made of toothed gears that fit perfectly together and that, by moving each other, make it possible for the watch to work.
Well, what if a simple grain of sand ended up in this mechanism?
That's right, all the gear it would stop working and depending on the force with which each wheel tries to move, it might even break everything.
And a simple grain would be enough, there is no need for an entire beach to end up in it;)
A single, small and seemingly insignificant grain of sand could jam or destroy such a complex and delicate gear.
With our life the metaphor fits perfectly because in these years in which I have dedicated myself to coaching I have discovered the grain of sand that jams the perfect gear of our lives.
When you feel bad, you experience negative emotions capable of blocking you, when you would like a different life, these are all signs that, most likely, a small grain of sand has gotten into your gear.
The reaction, sometimes simpler, is almost always to force, thinking that this way the gear will crush the grain and start working again.
If you have tried, however, you have also understood that when something ends up inside the gear there is no effort: you have to remove that grain, otherwise nothing will work as you wish.
Also consider that sometimes the grains are there, but the gear continues to work and still piles up sand, to the inevitable point where any mechanism, no matter how strong or capable of withstanding a lot of sand in its equilibrium, will jam.
How are these grains removed? I'll explain it to you today, revealing what they are and how you can eliminate them forever;)
How to improve your life by eliminating unnecessary pretensions
Le claims I am the sand that ends up in the perfect gear of our life.
What are they first and foremost?
A claim is something you need because it is truly indispensable for your happiness. To give a very simple example: if your rules tell you that to be happy you must receive my respect, then you will start demanding this of me.
The reason is logical: you need me to respect you to be happy. The claim is triggered whenever you need to achieve something to achieve a goal.
A claim, therefore, is something that you want, that you want at all costs and that you feel you need. Moreover, you consider it indispensable.
How to recognize it is quite simple, because it has two characteristics that make it quite evident:
- Shoot every time things are out of your power, because you try to control something or someone or to achieve results that only partly depend on you.
- It always produces a negative emotion, because the most logical consequence of an unfulfilled claim is anger, or sadness, or disappointment, all answers that should, in theory, help you turn things around to get what you ask for and that, for now, you don't have.
As you can see, the claim is easily identified: it is something that you consider indispensable, which you cannot do without, it always causes negative emotions, which are therefore a clear signal, it is linked to everything that gets out of control.
Allow me to offer you an in-depth study on claims, to help you see them more clearly even when, as mentioned, they hide well.
Our claims they usually appear to us as just rules, something objective that it seems obvious to us that others accept, as "common sense" that can be shared by all.
We do not think we are demanding, it seems obvious to us what we say and it is not we who demand, it is others who do not understand.
- Wanting your parents to love you as they see fit from a mother or father is a demand.
- Wanting your partner to understand you or help you if you need it is a demand.
- Wanting your friend to be close to you in a difficult time is a demand.
- Wanting your dog to obey all of your commands is a demand.
- Wanting others to admit it and recognize it when you are right is a demand.
- Wanting to always be healthy, without physical problems of any kind is a demand.
- Wanting your competence to be recognized at work and your successes noted is a demand.
- Wanting the security of a permanent job, without any danger of losing it, is a demand.
- Wanting those who are wrong with you to realize it and apologize is a demand.
- Wanting everything to go the way you think it is right is a huge and colossal claim.
Be careful though.
If you want these things and are able to accept that you do not have them, but you commit yourself in a positive way, it is not a question of claims.
They are pretensions when you feel bad if you miss them, when you don't accept something different, when you don't give others the freedom to do what they want, even if you don't share it.
The claim is not "common sense", but attachment, hardness, Selfishness, fear.
It prevents you from loving yourself or others, it prevents you from acting positively or solving problems.
The claim is inside your mind, you and only you create it you can choose to let it go.
Sure, many of these claims may be hidden in our unconscious, but if you start looking closely you will find plenty of them behind your every thought.
Grains of sand sometimes look like simple dust, or we don't even notice them.
The list above, in fact, contains things that almost everyone would consider obvious, obvious, normal, but that in reality they are claims.
As long as you keep pretending to get these things you will always be sick.
Remember it: every claim generates negative emotions.
In a little while I will show you an exercise that I think is really fantastic for giving a good cleaning to our gear, but before showing it to you I want to clarify some very important aspects.
First of all, the claim is not a desire.
The ones I showed you earlier are not necessarily all pretensions. They are if you demand them, if you feel negative emotions, if you don't want to do without them.
I was not wrong, I wrote you want, because as I said it is in your mind that the claim is born. But not necessarily.
What is the difference between demand and desire we see it immediately with a short but very important video.
As you can see, not all you want is a claim. The difference is sometimes very subtle, but it is there and it is what really makes a difference in your life.
When you feel bad there is always a claim behind it, invariably.
There is no claim that it is right, lawful, natural, and there is no claim that it does not make you feel negative emotions.
You can never really improve your life if you keep letting these destructive grains of sand get inside its cog.
The claims are a real trap which will always make you unhappy: because, like certain rolls of kitchen paper, they never run out;)
- If you don't get what you want, you feel bad, because you do not have something indispensable and you will do everything to achieve it. Anxiety, fear, sadness or anger will be inevitable, because you are missing something.
- If you get it, you still feel bad since it's out of control and you can't know if and how long it lasts: anxiety, fear, worry will be inevitable, because every day you may lose it.
- If you lose it, then, it is obvious that you will be sick for having lost what was necessary to be happy, so you will feel disappointment, sadness, suffering or even despair.
Claims are an endless trap.
Although your demands are sometimes met, you will not stop feeling negative emotions which, I remind you, are always incompatible with happiness.
Conclusions: An Exercise to Eliminate Claims
Is it clear where the problem lies? They are the claims.
Now we have reached the end of this guide, I have explained to you how this mechanism is disastrous for your life and now I will teach you the exercise I have devised and which will allow you to get rid of these grains of sand: I do not pretend!
I advise you to start using this exercise right away and if you want help and advice, I also suggest you leave me a comment, because I will gladly help you.
But before you finish it is important that you use the mechanism I just taught you not only for material claims, but especially for the emotional ones.
Often you will not expect them to help you move a closet or wash dishes, you will expect them to make you happy, to listen to you, to be available, to make you feel important.
Positive emotions.
Also in this case your approach must be the same: you identify the claim because you feel the negative emotion, and here you have to understand what you expect, what emotion do you want others to make you feel.
So you have to be able to live it even without their help.
Impossible? Then you don't know about emotional independence!
What's this? The awareness that our every emotion depends on what we think and on how we live the situations of life and not on what happens.
It is your thoughts that create every emotion, always, however.
In short, if you want to become happy, you have to eliminate all claims and learn to experience your emotions in a new way.
Your life is in your hands, and if you don't change it, nobody will ever change it ;)
