How to deal with a narcissist? What to do to relate effectively with a person suffering from narcissism, without allowing oneself to be manipulated and suffer unnecessarily?
Each of us has had to deal with a narcissist at least once in our lives. It could have happened in work, social, family contexts, or in a real romantic date or couple relationship.
Realizing that the other person thinks only of himself and has manipulative tendencies, in many cases is enough to warn us, and to make us distance ourselves in a decisive way before the relationship becomes something consolidated.
In many other cases, however, this distancing does not happen, given that we are forced to interact on a daily basis with the narcissist (if for example he is a member of our family, or works with us) or we wish to keep this person in our life despite his characteristics and his selfish and manipulative behaviors.
In this article you will learn how to treat a narcissist so that the relationship does not lead to something negative, toxic or painful. We will see both the errors to be avoided and the effective behaviors to be implemented to protect and defend oneself.
How to Treat a Narcissist: Mistakes to Avoid
There are various mistakes that are usually made when interacting with a narcissist, but which must be avoided. Let's see which are the two most important.
1. Try to change it
The first thing to remember about how to treat a pathological narcissist is that we must renounce any attempt to change it. Making every effort to help a narcissist change is one of the most common mistakes people make.
We are mistakenly convinced that we are influential enough in the narcissist's life to be able to push him to change his behavior. Maybe we even hope he changes for us!
However, change requires an individual to look within, recognize their weaknesses and work to improve. A narcissist completely ignores self-criticism and therefore asking him to change his behavior is a useless effort. He would never be willing to question himself, much less for another person.
Giving up trying to change him also means becoming aware of the fact that he is like this, and that this is his way of behaving with us and living life. If we want to relate to him, we must be prepared for the eventuality that you stay like this forever.
To assess the situation you are in, you may find it helpful to ask yourself the following questions:
- Does this person really need my help or is he manipulating me?
- Does he always make the same mistakes and then say he will never repeat them again?
- How much do you really want to change?
- Would I be willing to continue to cultivate this relationship even if he never changes?
2. Believe everything it says
Probably the thing a narcissist is best at is manipulating other people and gaining some sort of control over them, even using lies and blackmail, or by relying on feelings of guilt.
His goal is to become more and more important, to be at the center of other people's lives and to exploit them at will to satisfy his ego.
Then a how to deal with a narcissist effectively if he is a liar and has a natural tendency to manipulate other people?
You just don't have to believe what it says. Most of his speeches are made to influence or deceive others and encourage them to behave as they wish. He doesn't even do it out of malice, since for him all this is totally normal.
The more you believe the narcissist's words, the more you allow yourself to be influenced by him. The more his influence on you increases, the more likely he will be able to manipulate and use you however he wants.
The narcissist sometimes, in the initial stages of any interpersonal relationship, carries out tests to verify if the other person is "manipulable". If he realizes that the other is under his charm and believes everything he says, he will understand that it will be very easy to manipulate him in the future.
Often it is women who do not know how to treat a narcissistic man and they make the mistake of believing everything he says. Usually they are very sensitive women, who would like to sincerely help the other person but have not fully understood what the narcissus is capable of.
So don't believe his words. Instead, listen to his actions: they never lie!
If you want to know what other mistakes you shouldn't make and you want to learn the best techniques to manage a relationship with a narcissist, I suggest you download our manual "The Antidote To The Narcissist", which is currently on offer at a special price.
How to deal with a narcissist: 3 tips
So far we have seen the two main mistakes you shouldn't make when dealing with a narcissist, especially if the person in question is suffering from pathological narcissism.
Instead, let's see what are 3 useful strategies for dealing with them in a healthy way.
1. Outline the boundaries
A narcissistic person tends to do with others what they prefer, for this reason it is important to make them understand that, when they relate to you, there are boundaries that they should never cross.
To do this, you just need to clearly indicate how you will react if he exceeds a certain limit. Of course what you say you do, then you have to respect it. Otherwise you will not be credible in the future.
For example, if you do not want him to arrive late when you have to meet, and you are no longer willing to accept his excuses and justifications (apparently always very credible and sensible), just let him know clearly that at his next delay you will not you will stay there waiting for him and instead you will go home.
It is not easy to set well-defined limits in the relationship with other people, but it is the only way that exists to be respected. If you don't learn to clearly define and communicate which behaviors you are willing to accept from other people, and which ones you are not willing to tolerate, everyone will end up taking advantage of you. Not just narcissists!
2. Respect yourself
Most of the time, to be respected by others you need to first and foremost learn to respect ourselves. This can also mean being willing to end a relationship entirely, or to limit it to what is strictly necessary, if we find that the other person is damaging our self-esteem or our happiness.
For example, some worrying signs, which should make you reflect and help you open your eyes, are the following. The narcissist:
- He always takes credit for what you do.
- He treats you as if you have no value.
- He often insults you.
- Continuously seek your attention to be praised.
- He manipulates you in multiple ways.
- He is never honest with you.
- He made you realize that he is using you to achieve a certain purpose.
Focus on your goals and less and less on changing the narcissistic person. Distance yourself from it if necessary. Make a commitment to improve your life and dedicate yourself to your personal growth.
How to Treat a Pathological Narcissist is a question that many people ask themselves, but they forget that they must be led by example. The more you respect yourself, the more the narcissist will tend to respect you. The less you respect yourself, the more the narcissist will try to manipulate you.
3. Recognize that he is someone to help
What most people miss is that a narcissist behaves in a certain way because they experience an inner discomfort, and not out of malice. His could also be a pathological condition that should not be underestimated, which requires help from specialized figures.
For example there are many experienced psychologists of pathological narcissism, who are absolutely competent to support these people.
Seeing narcissists for who they really are helps a lot to relate to them. On the other hand, believing that they are bad people is not the best way to approach the problem.
We are at the end of this article on like dealing with a narcissist. If you were wondering how to treat a narcissist, I'm sure you have a much clearer idea now.
