Stopping loving someone means facing the challenge of talking to that person and saying a difficult thing: I don't love you anymore.
Last update: February 24, 2022
With his signature humor, Woody Allen said, “A relationship is like a shark, you know? It has to move constantly, otherwise it dies. And I think what we have in our hands is a dead shark ”. In these cases the time has come to say: I don't love you anymore.
All of us have loved and know the emotional consequences of the disappointment we feel when someone tells us that they no longer love us, as well as the pain we feel when we say these words.
The "broken heart" has been covered in literature, philosophy, cinema, psychology and many other areas, yet when it concerns us firsthand, we remain speechless.
We associate heartbreak with something negative: the breakup of a relationship is understood as a personal and social failure; they follow patterns that resemble a state of mourning over the death of a loved one. Having a broken heart is linked to a feeling of abandonment.
The secrets of the "broken heart"
A couple can go through moments of crisis, but some crises have no solution. Let's not forget that a relationship is alive and can change for many reasons.
When it comes time to end a relationship and say “I don't love you anymore”, anger, pain and isolation take over and we feel small and betrayed.
According to John Cacioppo, director of the Center for Cognitive and Social Neurology at the University of Chicago, United States. "We are designed to bond and it is very painful to end them because the person we trusted and believed in disappoints us ”.
"Although nothing can bring us back the hour of the splendor in the grass, of the glory in the flowers, we must not grieve, because the beauty remains in the memory"
-William Wordsworth-
The broken heart
The broken heart is one of the most used metaphors to express emotional suffering following a breakup. It is scientifically proven that when we break up there is a drop in heart rate below 60 beats per minute, especially in the first days after separation.
The breakup of the couple, in fact, can cause the so-called broken heart syndrome or tako-tsubo syndrome.
The research group of Núñez-Gil (2012) describes it as a "apparently ephemeral cardiomyopathy that produces varying degrees of ventricular dysfunction, predominantly left and, by definition, reversible. It is occasionally related to stressful situations ”.
The Spanish Heart Foundation (FEC) states that "it is common to be in the presence of tako-tsubo syndrome following a sudden and strong stressful event".
In these cases, it highlights the absence of cardiovascular risk factors such as hypertension, diabetes, dyslipidemia or smoking.
Pain in the body
According to a Dutch study published in the journal Psychological Science, when they tell us “I don't love you anymore, the same brain areas as physical pain are activated; there is therefore a relationship between feelings and physical pain.
Losing a partner when in love
According to various scientific studies, Losing a partner when we are in love is similar to losing a loved one. This loss activates the same areas of the brain that are related to pain.
I don't love you anymore: the odds of breaking up
Anthropologist Helen Fisher states that the fourth year of relationship is usually the time when the couple is united by love and not from falling in love based on simple attraction.
Ways to say I don't love you anymore
It is very difficult to tell someone "I don't love you anymore". It is important to first reflect on the feelings you have and the reasons that prompted us to end the relationship.
There isn't a good time to let the other person know, but it's important to be honest and truthful. When you communicate the news to your partner, it is essential to maintain a sincere attitude and most importantly, actively listen to the other person.
The conversation should be face-to-face and without detours, to show respect. It is good to show conviction, empathy and listening.
If the other person does not accept the situation or scolds us or criticizes us, we must let him speak and listen to him, but remain firm in the decision.
We must know how to avoid emotional blackmail, which is why it is so important to meditate on the decision in advance. Using a firm tone of voice and an upright posture help to convey the message with confidence and give the feeling of being fully convinced.
It is very important to be honest and understanding and to say what you think and feel in a kind way. Saying "I don't love you anymore" takes a lot of courage.
