If he disappears and then comes back what should I do?
It is a very common situation, in which every girl will have found herself at least once in her life: he disappears and then magically reappears after some time.
It can be a short date, or even just a flirt, in which at first everything seemed to be for the best, but then suddenly the guy in question disappears. ceasing to be heard for days or weeks. It then magically contacts you after some time, and you don't really know what to do and what to think.
Instead, it can be a more important and longer-lasting relationship, in which the man you hang out with leaves you on your toes all the time. It disappears for days without even replying to your messages, and then reappears when he wants, as if nothing had happened.
Finally it can be a man who leaves you and then comes back after a few months from you with the will to win you back. Maybe it's the first time this has happened, or maybe the period has already occurred more than once.
As you can see, there are many possible situations, and I am sure that by reading them you will have found yourself in at least one of them.
In this article we will carry out an analysis of male psychology, and I will try to answer all the most important questions that may be brewing in your head right now, such as:
Why do men disappear and then return?
If a man leaves you or disappears for a while, and then comes back to you with the best of intentions, as if nothing has happened, what is the right thing to do?
What to do to win back an ex or regain control over someone who keeps you on your toes?
We are almost ready to start, but first I want to invite you to take this quick online test to find out how you should behave in your specific situation. You will receive an answer and valuable personalized advice ?
Why do men disappear and then return?
Male psychology and nature differ significantly from female. This leads us to have totally different goals, needs, behaviors and ways of thinking regarding relationships.
As the psychologist John Gray states in his famous books, it is as if men came from Mars, and women from Venus. Coming from different planets, if we want to get along, we must learn to understand each other, even making a little effort to accept and appreciate our very different natures.
In particular, a very important concept on male behavior within couple relationships is the theory of the elastic man.
Man tends to get very close to a woman until, at some point, he feels the need to move away. This distancing is like that of a rubber band. Once he has moved away to his maximum extent, he will suddenly come back, even more interested than before.
Here then is one of the main reasons why men disappear and then return; they move away and then they come back together. They need space to feel the desire towards a woman, and they go to create that space themselves and then fill it later.
If a woman chases her man as he walks away, she will only push him to go further away. The elastic will never be able to stretch, and for this reason it will never come back.
All this is also linked to a hormonal fact: a man's testosterone increases during the courtship phase, making him feel confident, strong, virile and successful. Conquest makes him happy and alive.
But when the relationship stabilizes and intimacy grows, there is another antagonist hormone that begins to increase: it is called oxytocin, also called the cuddle hormone, or love hormone.
The increase in oxytocin in the woman has the effect of making her fall in love, and make her want to spend as much time as possible with her partner. In humans, on the other hand, oxytocin causes a decrease in testosterone, which can only be restored after walking away momentarily from his woman.
This dynamic occurs both in the early stages of a relationship and after years of marriage. The man feels the periodic need to distance himself from his woman to restore autonomy and a sense of independence, and then return to her later even more convinced of his love.
But beware of the narcissist ...
If it is right to try to understand men and their behaviors, it is also necessary to know how to recognize the warning signs. Those who show us that we are dealing with a toxic relationship, with a person who does not deserve our attention and our time.
One thing is a man who claims his space, is sometimes a bit selfish and intolerant, seems distant or does not respond to messages for a day. This is completely natural, and as a woman you have to learn to accept and manage it in the best way.
Quite natural is also when a man he appears uncertain at the beginning of an acquaintance, and then takes time, disappears for a few days, stops courting, does not want to formalize the relationship. You have to understand this and know what to do so as not to further distance it from you. I will explain it to you in the next paragraph.
A very different thing is when a man leaves his woman or cuts off relations with the girl he was dating, he disappears permanently for several months, leaves no trace of himself, and then suddenly returns to her with an attempt to win her back. In this second case the dynamic of the elastic man is particularly accentuated in him.
It could be a narcissistic man, or a man who has no intention of engaging in a serious relationship. He just wants to play, conquer, and then disappear when he feels the prey is completely his. I advise you to move away from him to avoid suffering unnecessarily, or to get smart, play his own game and beat him, as I explain in this article
If he disappears and then comes back, what to do?
You have to keep in mind that man is like a rubber band. Sometimes it disappears, moves away, pulls back, but if you don't run after it, it will return to its starting point. After a series of comebacks, he will be sure that you are the woman he would like to have a steady and exclusive relationship with.
So here are some very important tips that I feel like giving you:
1. If he disappears for a few days, don't run after him. Don't look for it and don't panic. Wait for him to reconnect: if you let his rubber band stretch, you can be sure that soon he will come back more interested or in love than before. Use this period of his estrangement to understand if you miss him, and if he could be the right man for you, but without putting any pressure on him.
2. During his absence, think about him as little as possible. Dedicate yourself to your life. Make him jealous by indirectly showing him that there are other men interested in you, or that you have fun with your friends and that your life goes on.
3. Learn the art of keep your man on his toes. Never indulge yourself fully. Don't let your defenses down entirely. Give him the idea that he always has to put in some effort to keep you in his life. He's a hunter, and his testosterone and dopamine go up if he feels he has to work hard to get you. If you let him relax completely, he will most likely get away from you to woo other women, or to create the right distance that will allow him to regain interest in you.
4. Never put too much pressure on your man. Give him his space without chasing him even if you are married or in a serious relationship. When you see him drifting away, remember that it is his very nature that causes him to periodically behave this way. Soon he will get closer.
5. When a man comes back to you after disappearing, do not make him weigh his absence. Don't show that you had too high expectations of him. If you think it's the right one for you, give your relationship another chance by picking it up right where you left off.
6. If he leaves you, don't panic. Give him a chance to walk away, telling him you accept his decision. You will see that he will soon return to you regretting his decision.
When a man leaves, he almost always comes back
When a man leaves, he almost always comes back. But this only happens if his woman was smart, and after the relationship ended she didn't chase him or put pressure on him.
If you've been ditched by your ex, or are trying to win back a man you were dating and then disappeared or is keeping you on your toes, I recommend you take this quick online test to calculate your chances of winning back.
It only takes two minutes to complete - you'll need to answer 15 simple questions about your relationship with the ex, and you will instantly get a result expressed as a percentage.
If he disappears and then reappears: a deepening
Now you more or less know what to do if he disappears and then reappears, but I'm sure you still have a lot of doubts left that you haven't found an answer to.
