Have you ever experienced a similar situation? Indifference towards the partner is a complex and painful subject.
Last update: February 18, 2022
When a feeling of indifference towards the partner begins to manifest, it means that the time has come to ask yourself some important questions. Is it time to put a stop to the relationship?
We prepare food. We sit down at the table. My partner is sitting across from me. We eat, and in the meantime we watch television. Let's chat about our day. He takes a sip of water. He looks at me. We look at each other. We have been together for years. We smile at each other. He tells me some stories about his family. I watch him carefully while I eat in silence. I love. It is an important part of my life. However, I feel we are no longer on the same wavelength. I would never want something bad to happen to him, but now nothing is as it was before.
Have you ever experienced a similar situation? Indifference towards the partner is a complex and painful subject.
When the indifference towards the partner is felt more and more often and more intensely, it begins to go hand in hand with one feeling of malaise that ends up taking over our mood and on our body. What happens to us? What has changed? Is love gone? Have we become victims of monotony?
While nothing in particular has happened, the magical connection of yore seems to have vanished. Expressions such as "more than a couple we look like two friends" or "I see her more as a sister than a girlfriend" are commonplace for many couples. Is it really time to end the relationship or is there still hope of being able to rekindle the flame of love?
Indifference towards the partner: do we no longer love each other?
Love is a concept with abstract shades. We are the ones who give this word much of its meaning. If we stick to the Buddhist definition, love is wishing that all beings are happy and have reason to be. From this point of view, it is possible that the love is not over, since even if we seem indifferent towards our partner, in reality we wish him all the best possible.
However, the change is there and cannot be ignored. Our desires towards him are the best, we simply no longer enjoy sharing our life with him.
Perhaps it would be more correct to say that romantic love is over. We have stopped seeing our partner as a life partner and now we see him simply as someone who stands by our side, but who can't give us that much. We oblige ourselves to listen to what he has to say, making an effort of will, but without interest. We don't try to set aside time for intimacy. Sexual intercourse has gone into the second - not to say third, or even better, tenth - level.
As stated by Garcia and Llabaca (2013) regarding couple relationships "The two members that compose it must build a particular identity capable of integrating and giving space to both individualities, which is not easy". According to this approach, when both members stop forming a common identity, there is a risk of seeing the couple crumble.
There is a time for everything
The romantic idea that a relationship must last forever, against any obstacle, can be very damaging. Not all relationships have the same length. Furthermore, it is necessary to understand that those that last less are not necessarily better.
Projecting high expectations about the duration of a relationship can end up being counterproductive; in such situations, sometimes, we find ourselves placing great hopes in situations that do not offer us real satisfaction.
On the other hand, it's not that easy to put a stop to a relationship. As Bowlby (1995) points out, "the risk of loss generates anxiety, and emotional loss causes sadness and anger". So, despite the feeling of indifference towards the partner, the idea of ​​losing him can cause us anxiety, sadness and anger. Experiencing the feeling of losing someone we love, even though it doesn't fully satisfy us, causes us anxiety and discomfort.
Anxiety or feeling unwell are common phenomena within a separation, regardless of which of the two took the initiative. Therefore, if we are able to accept certain emotions considering them normal and temporary, overcoming the breakup will be much easier for us.
And now? You have to learn to feel good on your own
When indifference towards a partner leads to the end of a relationship, many ask themselves “what do I do now?”. Some people choose the "nail chases nail" path, meaning that they feel the need to fill this void by throwing themselves headlong into a new relationship.
Others prefer to be alone for a while. However, when a relationship ends, the best option is to learn - or learn or better get used to - to be with yourself. In this way, you avoid starting a new relationship for a mere matter of addiction.
Many people are unable to live without someone by their side. As romantic as it may sound, behind this need there is a high factor of emotional dependence.
Many people are terrified of being alone with themselves, of not having anyone to hug, having to listen to their thoughts and understand what they want or not. They have an inner emptiness that they try to fill with affections coming from the outside: for this reason they will hardly find a person who really succeeds, and they are thus condemned to live relationships destined to end in a short time.
Only when you feel complete, you are able to carry on a healthy relationship, free from exaggerated attachments and addictions.
