Taken by the desperate need to find what we are looking for, we do not realize that it is actually much closer than we think.
Last update: 19 November 2019
We often believe we have to travel great distances in search of what we aspire to; desires or needs that we believe are fundamental to our happiness. This is how we launch into research with great enthusiasm. We move forward with the hope of finding the solution to our inner conflict, the solution to explain what happens to us. But on this path we do not realize that we are looking outside what, instead, we should be looking within ourselves.
Taken by the desperate need to find what we want, we do not realize that it is actually much closer than we think. We travel great distances, accumulating an equally great frustration, and we reach a place where we are overwhelmed by anguish and malaise.
Only then do we understand that looking outside for the solution to our inner conflict is not only a waste of time but can also be dangerous to our mental health. To avoid this, we can implement some strategies. And it is precisely to these that we dedicate today's article.
"Looking outside for what we have inside is like starting a journey without a destination, and losing ourselves without realizing the value of what we have close by."
As we look out there for the solution to the inner conflict we forget about ourselves
The temptation to seek outside what we do not see inside of us at first sight is very strong. As strong as it is perverse. This is how we forget who we are; we are so busy looking out there that we forget what we have inside. That is, our essence.
By doing so, our image appears blurry and we stop identifying with our actions. We turn into pure despair, which we don't want to include in our definition. It is useless to seek out what, in a past moment, we have assimilated and learned. Experiences that we have made ours in a different moment of our life.
Ignoring this fact leads us to distance ourselves from who we are, therefore to distance ourselves from our goals, making our desires fade, assuming uncritically the expectations that others place in us and using them as the only yardstick.
How to change this bad habit?
Looking outside for the solution to our inner conflicts also distances us from the people we love. Sometimes we think that happiness is having big things, and we lose sight of the small details. Valuing what we have helps us discover the closest treasures.
Moreover, sometimes we see the best in us and only the worst in ourselves, another way of looking outside for what we actually have inside. We too have qualities and virtues and it is important to become aware of them and not ignore them. Otherwise, we will be very unfair to ourselves when we pause to take stock of our life. It is therefore essential to never forget who we are.
There are some ways to combat the tendency to seek outside the solution of our inner conflicts. Look at these examples:
- Let's not rely on the opinions of others. What others think is important, but certainly not the only thing we need to focus on. We often give too much space to these opinions, risking unnecessary suffering.
- Give importance to the small details. To give the right value to what we have and to admit that we have a great treasure. This helps us not to lose sight of what we really want.
- Learn from our experiences. Knowing each other thoroughly helps us understand what we want and what our true happiness is. In this way, we can pursue our goals without wasting time on sterile searches.
- Accept and appreciate yourself. It means giving value, affection and importance to the way we treat ourselves. Convince ourselves that we are capable of achieving great things. Focusing on who we are and what others have takes us away from ourselves. And all of this has an effect on our self-esteem.
But be careful, dealing with the outside world is not always negative. If we pay attention to what we criticize in others, we may notice reflections some elements that also apply to ourselves. Sometimes, in fact, we project onto others what happens to us. It is a simple defense mechanism.
The benefits of inner research
To transform ourselves, blossom and stop clipping our wings, it is essential to abandon this sterile research. Within us there are already those qualities that we will need to face life, with its obstacles and its happy moments. When we stop looking outside for the solution to our inner conflict, we will notice a great benefit. Here are some examples:
- Harmony. Feeling in tune with our essence conveys a feeling of tranquility. This is how we approach what we desire and undertake assertive research.
- Self-knowledge. Searching within allows us to know ourselves better.
- Assertiveness. Turning our gaze towards our inner selves, we will step off the pedestal on which others place us, we will leave prejudices behind us and establish healthier relationships.
When we look outside for what we actually have inside, we move away from ourselves, entering the slippery road of losing self-esteem. This is how we endanger our mental health. We never forget that self-esteem it is like the immune system of our psychic life.
Always looking outside, as a basic attitude, condemns us to be boats adrift. To have a harmonious life, there is nothing better than using all the knowledge we have of ourselves, through what we have learned and passed on to us by others. Start from here, from this information that has already passed through the critical filters.
Get away from yourself, get away from your happiness.
