Speaking confidently, with assertiveness and charisma helps us to be successful in many social situations. Yet the key to succeeding is to train day by day and little by little the indispensable psychological muscle: self-esteem.
Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
Many of us are wondering how do you speak casually? How can I express my ideas with that perfect combination of assertiveness, seduction and charisma? We know that there are real gurus in this field; yet, at times, we feel almost overwhelmed by the advice and the vast amount of strategies out there, because what we really lack is very simple: self-confidence.
When we question our abilities, everything collapses. Let's face it, this happens on more occasions than we would like; are those times when our mind is filled with convictions, such as "for sure it will get nervous and I will ruin everything", "it will happen to me like the last time, when I made a fool of myself", or again, "surely I will not be able to prove how much I'm worth because my speech is embarrassing, disjointed and not very original ".
These circumstances can greatly limit our work and personal opportunities. There are men and women who stand out in what they do, brilliant minds who, curiously, have serious difficulties when it comes to communicating, expressing, getting their ideas to others effectively.
Furthermore, most of us would like to know how to speak in a breezy way, but also how to do it in a charismatic way and with that charm capable of capturing the attention of a specific audience.
There are some strategies to do this, we know. However, before learning them or making them our own, it is interesting to understand the reason for this communicative limit and this lack of self-esteem. Let's see more details.
Why do I find it hard to speak confidently and firmly?
Many of us would like to be able to speak easily, so as to improve in the workplace and in the study. But also to consolidate relationships, to convince others of our positions, to be more persuasive, to get our messages better and why not, even to capture people's attention or to improve our relationship as a couple.
Knowing how to communicate ultimately means improving coexistence and consolidating our human potential a little more. Yet, we often struggle to be steadfast in this skill. The reasons are many; in principle, however, we can summarize them in the following psychological realities:
Excited autonomic nervous system
When we struggle to communicate adequately in front of one or more people, the reason may lie in our insecurity, as well as in stress and anguish.
We are afraid of doing it wrong and showing ourselves incompetent and it is precisely this fear that feeds anxiety. Furthermore, this type of anxiety manifests itself first of all because our brain codes those situations as threatening.
The anxiety of being judged, of expressing oneself badly or of appearing ridiculous activates our autonomic nervous system, triggering a series of symptoms: nervousness, tachycardia, dry mouth, shortness of breath, sweating ... All this makes communication even more difficult.
Thoughts that limit us
Our mind can be a catalyst for forces or a steamroller for self-esteem and potential. So when our thoughts come from negative ideas in which we judge ourselves as dumb or when we get wet before it rains, everything that scared us probably will happen.
The situational factor
Another aspect to be absolutely kept under observation is the situational factor. There are contexts, moments and people that exert greater pressure on us, managing to make us doubt ourselves, to make us feel somewhat insecure and even with low self-esteem.
An example is given by a job in which communication skills are expected of us to attract customers. This pressure generates anguish, even more when we perceive ourselves as lacking in this ability. All these elements challenge us.
The secrets to speaking confidently
To speak casually, each of us must refer to his own personal reality. There are those who simply need to gain experience, there are those who are not very confident and those who have few social skills. Others, on the other hand, must carry out a deeper reconstruction of their inner world; they will have to silence insecurities, strengthen their self-esteem, dampen negative thoughts, learn to manage anxiety ...
All of these craftsmanship skills take time and a deep commitment to yourself. Once you've clarified this and accepted the challenge, it's time to acquire these basic techniques to learn to speak confidently.
Self-esteem strategies to communicate better
- Concentrate on the message to be conveyed: it is the only thing that matters. Put aside other thoughts, fears, anxieties and focus only on what you want to say and who to say it to.
- Come out of yourself and enter into communication with those in front of you, whether it is a single person, more than one or a large audience. Connection is power and you may also benefit from this alliance. If you feel comfortable, you will convey confidence. If you are afraid, you will transmit anguish.
- When you want to communicate effectively, haste is not allowed. Do it slowly, idea after idea, in harmony, calmly but emphasizing your words to attract others.
- Get right to the heart of the matter, avoid repetitions or interjections.
- Appeal to emotions, tell anecdotes, personalize your speech… Simplicity always has its charm.
In conclusion, To answer the question of how it is possible to speak confidently, the answer is simple: by experiencing and practicing self-esteem. Because when we finally manage to have confidence in ourselves, the fears are no longer so great, we master our insecurities and we even let ourselves go to the pleasantness of those situations that until recently seemed threatening to us.
